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A Marriage Made in Hell
HOW SATAN COUNSELS CHRISTIAN COUPLES

I am terribly troubled to have received your last letter. Of course you should begin twisting his thoughts concerning marriage — how have you not already? Do you not realize that even one human living according to the Enemy’s design can cost us souls? Your negligence on this matter is criminal.

Ever since the first wedding in the garden, we suspected that the Enemy was preparing something revolting — but who could have imagined? Even Our Father Below couldn’t guess the true horror of it all. Marriage, we found out only too late, does not ultimately concern the humans’ love for each other. His plan, from the very beginning, was to actually marry the wretched creatures himself — disgraceful!

Throughout time, he has brought two vermin together to display his unnatural love and disturbing sacrifice for his bride. He created husbands to announce — to all who would listen — that he would soon become one. How we once praised him, I still can’t imagine.

Marriage, Globdrop, reflects everything we detest. The male dresses up as the Enemy, while the wife stands in for his beloved. As he made man in his own image, he made marriage to reflect his terrible story. But while the Enemy means for it to narrate one tale, we can make it tell another. Through it, we can preach one of our gospels. Perhaps the most effective way to do so these days is to instruct him in what I like to call homofunctional marriage.

Homofunctional Marriage

Although unsuccessful for thousands of years, your great uncle Slubstone’s persistence has paid off remarkably. He actually convinced them that one man can marry another man! But your man, as you report, stands unconvinced. Yet, while he may never audition for homosexual marriage, he may readily participate in our homofunctional rendition. Let me explain.

It is quite simple really: whereas homosexual “marriage” puts two of the same sex together, “homofunctional marriage” consists of two different sexes that function identically. The same still marries the same: they both lead and follow. They both must shoulder the same amount of burden, both must offer the same amount of sacrifice, and both be equally responsible for the other before God.

When we convince the actors to learn each other’s lines and swap each other’s pants, they’re not left a different version, but a different drama. Romeo and Juliet becomes Juliet and Juliet. Interchangeable, dear nephew, interchangeable. Call it teammates, best friends, enlightened, liberated, progressive, egalitarian — whatever does the job.

An Anti-Drama

Now, as you can guess, 50/50 cannot last long. Someone must eventually break the tie. And Adam, as we keep reminding them, has had his turn. Monique and Alex are excellent examples from your man’s small group.

Monique is the modern strong wife. She lives in corporate America, shoulders the responsibility for the family, and is proud not to be living in the “comfortable concentration camp” of stay-at-home motherhood. As a point of principle, she is reluctant to do anything she considers domestic, and quick to share her opinion for hours on end, while her husband sits expressionless beside her. She balks at the thought of being a helpmate, chafes at the idea of submission. Her favorite Bible verse — to undo the ones she despises — is Galatians 3:28. With six words (“there is no male and female”) we have made her an apologist. Pleasantly, she hates the Enemy’s script nearly as much as we do. She has washed her face indeed.

Meanwhile, Alex has few complaints these days. He no longer expects to have much say in family decisions — and according to him, he is better off for it. He has finally realized (as many of our patients eventually do) that when he lets his wife steer, he never gets blamed for ending up in a ditch.

He finds the passenger seat most comfortable. More reclining. Less sacrifice and accountability. More opportunity for naps. He even hears the occasional commendation from others in the group for “laying down his life.” Having passed on our offer of masculinity that domineers, belittles, and abuses, he has taken nicely to that emasculinity which occasions less blood and more praise. He lives to defer. It takes less energy.

And what does everyone watching the two-person play see? Little different from those who have better things to do than attend Bible studies on Wednesday evenings. No one sees a man who loves his wife, initiates towards her constantly, and gives his life sacrificing his own comforts and strength for her eternal good. No one sees a bride who adorns her husband, respects and gladly follows him, all the while blossoming under his love and leadership. They see nothing of the Enemy’s drama.

Delightfully, they see a manly woman standing upon a doormat. Although a number of toxic texts were read at their wedding, they left them all behind when she drove him home from the ceremony.

What They Must Never See

Globdrop, begin instruction with your man immediately.

Tell him, if there is blood to be shed, it should be spilled evenly. Let marriage serve what they call “equality” — for no marriage can have two masters. Unmake him. Dignify (or at least excuse) that passivity which opens the back door to those sins that daily slaughter aimless men. Make him passionate about sports, not souls. If a man, then a mannequin.

Let marriage tell any story but the Enemy’s. Earthly marriage must never tell of the dreadful one to come. Muffle the obscenity. Invite him to take part in one of our homofunctional marriages instead. But while you work on him, never let it slip that, although the Enemy will hold him solemnly accountable for how he discharges his duty, he also extends endless help and offers boundless grace whenever he falls short.

Your perplexed yet expectant uncle,
Wormwood

In The Globdrop Letters, a senior demon (Wormwood) corresponds with a junior demon to advise him in the evil art of subtle deception. The series follows in the large footsteps of C.S. Lewis in his classic work, The Screwtape Letters.

German prosecutors say Hanau shooter had a 'deeply racist mentality'
Germany's attorney general has said the deadly shootings at two hookah bars were fueled by deep-seated racism. Investigations will focus on the suspect's possible connections, both in Germany and abroad.

Authorities Thursday confirmed the suspect behind two shootings in the central German city of Hanau, which left nine people dead and six more injured, showed signs of a "deeply racist mentality."

Germany's attorney general, Peter Frank, said a video and manifesto posted on the suspect's website expressed "not only crazy thoughts and convoluted conspiracy theories, but also a deeply racist mentality." He cited this as the reason for the attorney general's office to take over the investigation.

Prosecutors must now "find out, if there were any other supporters or accomplices in the Hanau attacks." Frank said prosecutors would look into the suspect's environment and known connections, both in Germany and in other countries.

The investigation would be led by the federal criminal police, Frank added.

A 43-year-old German man is the prime suspect in the attacks, which took place Wednesday night at two hookah bars. His body and that of his mother were found by police in his home, bringing the total death toll to 11. A weapon was found beside the two. Police encoutered the suspect's father uninjured, the attorney general's office said in a statement.

Federal prosecutors soon took over the investigation due to the severity of the case, as this prosecutorial level primarily handles cases of crimes against the state.

What do we know about the suspect?

A website registered under the same name as the suspect, as well as a homemade YouTube video expressing conspiracy theories and a confession letter said to include racist and xenophobic sentiments, were examined by police.

Information from the website claimed the owner was born in 1977 in Hanau, a city of 100,000 inhabitants located some 25 kilometers (15 miles) east of Frankfurt.

He claimed he grew up in the city and later trained at and worked in a bank before completing a business degree.

A press release from the attorney general's office said there was currently no knowledge of the suspect having had a prior criminal record or any investigations against him based on political leanings.

DW's political correspondent Hans Brandt said expert analysis of the suspect's data showed that he appeared to be a social loner who was actively involved in online conspiracy-theory groups.

The investigation is ongoing, and officials are looking for links to potential associates or groupings.

What do we know about the victims?

In talking with eyewitnesses on the ground in Hanau, DW's Rebecca Staudenmaier said the hookah bar where the first shooting took place was focal points for a local tight-knit Kurdish community, as well as a popular hangout for young people of all backgrounds.

Police have revealed few details about the victims. However, Yanki Pürsün, a lawmaker in the Hesse state parliament, told DW's Turkish service that three of the victims were of Turkish descent and five had a North African background.

[Attorney General Frank said that all nine individuals who were killed at the bars had immigrant backgrounds. He added that of the six people who were injured, one was in serious condition.

The attorney general's office statement added that the victims were between the ages of 21 and 44 and were of both German and foreign nationality.

Why did federal prosecutors get involved?

The federal prosecutor exclusively deals with serious crimes and is the highest prosecutory, or police authority in Germany. It primarily handles cases of crimes against the state, including treason, espionage and terrorism, and cases involving genocide, crimes against humanity and war crimes.

Right-wing attacks differ from other types of mass shootings and attacks because the perpetrators often have legal access to firearms, Nils Duquet, a senior researcher at the Flemish Peace Institute, told DW.

"It seems like the perpetrator had a hunting permit," he said. "What police forces have been noticing across Europe is that they fear that right-wing extremism is on the rise, and that these people can also have access to guns both legally and illegally. That raises the alarm."

What is the state of right-wing extremism in Germany?

The Hanau shootings are part of a trend of rising right-wing extremist activity in Germany. Last October, a far-right attack on a synagogue in Halle left two dead. In June the same year, regional conservative German politician Walter Lübcke, who had spoken out in favor of migration, was murdered in his home by a far-right extremist.

More recently, police conducted raids last week on right-wing militias suspected of planning xenophobic attacks and trying to create "civil war-like" conditions.

German authorities registered an increase in far-right extremist activity in 2019 and have announced amped-up intelligence efforts against those suspected of holding extremist views.

Yan San-Pierre, a security and counterterrorism expert in Frankfurt, told DW that there has been a recent proliferation of right-wing militia groups.

"We have seen over the past year numerous groups forming, over WhatsApp and smaller militia types aiming to defend German against invaders … More and more of these groups have been popping up," San-Pierre said.

He added that the sentiments expressed by the suspect in the Hanau shootings were "very much in line with what's been said in Halle and before in Christchurch [New Zealand] and other letters and statements that have been found in connection with right-wing attacks."