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Quote# 11253

1. Do you believe in the Saving Power of the Blood of Jesus Christ? Yes
2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number
3. What is your favorite thing about the KMB Flea Market Ministry? There are new experiences and challenges everyday!
4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches
5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house
6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple
7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Pistachio
8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus
9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)
10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!

Sis. Ophelia Sue, KBM newsletter 41 Comments [5/1/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 2
Submitted By: McCulloch
WTF?! || meh
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mad dog

2. Its unlucky to be superstitious
4. Vengence and bloodshed, marks of a True Christian
5. Darn Mormons and their wicked yin yang abominations!
6. Yes, that's COMPLETELY heterosexual
8. Jesus doesn't have an astrology sign
10. BDSM baby rapist!

5/1/2006 1:59:30 AM

Papabear

\"1. Do you believe in the Saving Power of the Blood of Jesus Christ? Yes\"

That's too bad.


\"2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number\"

Uh huh. Superstition, I should expect no more.


\"3. What is your favorite thing about the KMB Flea Market Ministry? There are new experiences and challenges everyday!\"

It can be turned off or ignored.


\"4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches\"

Ah, you would prefer turgid churches? You wish that Jesus would assault me? I wish people would embrace facts over religion, and get on with the business of making the world a better place.


\"5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house\"

Uh huh. So you would buy Pepsi if it had a cute little bunny on the can instead, eh?


\"6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple\"

Dark colors make baby Jesus cry. You should have said \"Blood of Christ Red.\"


\"7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Pistachio\"

Pistachio makes baby Jesus cry. You should have said \"Body of Our Lord, Jesus flavor.\"


\"8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus\"

A Fundie dabbling in astrology? Hmmm.


\"9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)\"

Why would you want to be the Donald without eyebrows?


\"10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!\"

So, killing innocent animals for entertainment is top of your list. Creating and repairing instruments of killing are next. I've got no problem with welding and wood-working, but I find it interesting that you list raising your child as a hobby, and last on your list too.

5/1/2006 2:01:55 AM

Ens

http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/mormon.asp

Couldn't find anything on whether Pepsi's symbol was intended to be related to the Yin-Yang.

Deut. 7:26:
\"Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing. (KJV)\"

Well, I know some people in the cola-wars that would agree that she isn't allowed one or the other of the soft drinks.

I think the others have adequately dissected the rest, so I was left with arguing over pop.

5/1/2006 2:11:05 AM

Julian

\"1. Do you believe in the Saving Power of the Blood of Jesus Christ? Yes

Cool, I have a vial to sell you!



2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number

Prove it!!!!



3. What is your favorite thing about the KMB Flea Market Ministry? There are new experiences and challenges everyday!

Oh probably the fact I've never heard of it! Yep, definitely have to go with that!



4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches

Good luck with that - much nicer than world peace - and just as likely right now.



5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house

Actually 7:26 says.
Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: [but] thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it [is] a cursed thing.

And yes, while this fits Pepsi, I'd say it fits Michael Jackson who sponsored it far more wouldn't you agree?

If you want to use the OT to fight Pepsi, suggest their \"Next Generation\" slogan counteracts \"respecting thy mother and father\"



6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple

Naughty! That colour is strictly reserved for royalty! Off with his head. (Oh and you know what they say about purple and sexual repression)



7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Pistachio

A nut, how apt!



8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus

wrong! Jesus wasn't born on the feast of Mithras.



9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)

Yaaargh - that's even more sinister than Jimmy Swaggart (with or without eyebrows)



10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!\"

Too many options here! Weapons and children? How often do you do your son? Is It your son?

5/1/2006 2:15:16 AM

Dr. Rosen

Well, child rearing is a hobby these days. You buy stuff at the store, and dress them up how you want, and tell them stupid bible stories. Its kinda like Sim Human Being. It gets kinda old after a while though.

Why anyone would want to be Donald Trump is beyond me. I suppose he wants to be rich beyond his wildest dreams, but thats not very christian of him.

5/1/2006 2:31:59 AM

McDuffie

It's a her actually. \"Sis.(ster) Ophelia Sue. A nice southern baptist name, most likely.

5/1/2006 4:11:52 AM

Julian

As opposed to the much adored, Ophelia Dickens Cider.

5/1/2006 4:45:28 AM

Julian

I'm still impressed that somewhere out there, there's a someone who'd fuck a bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working nun!

5/1/2006 4:46:42 AM

Napoleon the Clown

\"2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number
4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches
5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house
6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple
8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus
9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)
10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!\"

2-Apparently using proper grammar (see: a/an useage) is unlucky as well.
4-Because Jesus claimed he was going to come back and fight, a la Passion of the Christ 2...
5-Wrong about Coke, dumbass.
6-Isn't white the holy color?
8-Wouldn't that be cancer, considering the fact that one of Christianity's big don'ts is a good way to reduce the risk of cancer?
9-Even though he uses numerous amoral tactics to get ahead? (Liekly to get head as well...)
10-Violent, creating a tool of violence, no issues, working \"wood\" is a sin, and that one isn't a verb.

5/1/2006 4:55:19 AM

Jeremy PC

<<8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus>>

Ha, this fundie dumbass thinks Jesus was really born on December 25.

5/1/2006 6:14:18 AM

AElf

Wouldn't it be more telling if the last one read:

10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, a one year old son!\"

5/1/2006 7:47:28 AM

NotMe

<<Violent, creating a tool of violence, no issues, working \"wood\" is a sin, and that one isn't a verb.>>

Jesus was a carpenter. He probably worked his \"wood\" every day for the first decades of his life.

5/1/2006 7:47:29 AM

Rosie

The whole newsletter seems like a parody to me...I don't think it's real.

5/1/2006 8:39:12 AM

kmisho

Number 4 says it all. Not only is he a bigot who advocates \"assaulting\" people who are not christians, he is a bigot against other christians that are not the same kind of christian as he is.

5/1/2006 1:04:56 PM

A. Nony Mouse

\"A Fundie dabbling in astrology? Hmmm.\"

Most of the more hard-core Christians I know believe in astrology.

5/1/2006 1:34:44 PM

Tak, the Hideous New Girl

Are you sure this isn't a parody site?

I can't tell anymore!

5/1/2006 1:38:06 PM

Caphi

I'm not sure if he means that raising his kid is something he considers a hobby, or that his son himself is the hobby. Either way it's disturbing.

5/1/2006 3:23:50 PM

g-21-lto

This just screams \"parody.\" It's a little too Landover-esque. I must applaud them, though, on the fact that they had me going for a while.

5/1/2006 3:52:08 PM

Late_Cretaceous.

He can't bring a ying and yang symbol into his house because it says so in the bible, but he has no problem with believing in unlucky numbers and astrology? How fucked up is that.
What is it about fundies that they love guns so much?

5/1/2006 6:15:30 PM

Seth

\"4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches\"

Christ Akbar! KABOOM!

So what's this about Jihad?

\"5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house\"

That's hilarious

5/1/2006 6:39:22 PM

TDR

yeh, this has got to be a parody. No one would be ignorant enough to condemn a yin yang symbol and then claim to be a capricorn. Would they?

5/1/2006 7:12:33 PM

MJR

8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus

One of my favorite bits from The Life of Brian:

Mandy: What star sign is he?
Wise Man 2: Capricorn.
Mandy: Capricorn, eh, what are they like?
Wise Man 2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man 1: King of the Jews.
Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man 3: No, no, that's just him.
Mandy: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.

5/1/2006 7:20:41 PM

Babbleon

I vote parody. Anyone from PA want to check them out?:

\"Ever Saturday, you can go to Rossi's Flea Market, North Versailles, PA to save money, but we at KMB Ministries prefers to go there to save souls for Jesus. We have a booth set up there as well as Brothers and Sisters walking the grounds to pass out Chick Tracts and free KJV Bibles for the price of a small love gift to our minstry. Praise Jesus.\"


5/1/2006 8:06:16 PM

McCulloch

You're right, it does look like a parody site. It is really hard to tell sometimes. Is Pat Robertson a parody too?

5/1/2006 8:28:16 PM

Crosis

<<< Is Pat Robertson a parody too? >>>

If he is, he's got *everyone* fooled.

5/1/2006 10:33:59 PM
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