1. Do you believe in the Saving Power of the Blood of Jesus Christ? Yes
2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number
3. What is your favorite thing about the KMB Flea Market Ministry? There are new experiences and challenges everyday!
4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches
5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house
6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple
7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Pistachio
8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus
9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)
10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!
42 comments
2. Its unlucky to be superstitious
4. Vengence and bloodshed, marks of a True Christian
5. Darn Mormons and their wicked yin yang abominations!
6. Yes, that's COMPLETELY heterosexual
8. Jesus doesn't have an astrology sign
10. BDSM baby rapist!
"1. Do you believe in the Saving Power of the Blood of Jesus Christ? Yes"
That's too bad.
"2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number"
Uh huh. Superstition, I should expect no more.
"3. What is your favorite thing about the KMB Flea Market Ministry? There are new experiences and challenges everyday!"
It can be turned off or ignored.
"4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches"
Ah, you would prefer turgid churches? You wish that Jesus would assault me? I wish people would embrace facts over religion, and get on with the business of making the world a better place.
"5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house"
Uh huh. So you would buy Pepsi if it had a cute little bunny on the can instead, eh?
"6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple"
Dark colors make baby Jesus cry. You should have said "Blood of Christ Red."
"7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Pistachio"
Pistachio makes baby Jesus cry. You should have said "Body of Our Lord, Jesus flavor."
"8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus"
A Fundie dabbling in astrology? Hmmm.
"9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)"
Why would you want to be the Donald without eyebrows?
"10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!"
So, killing innocent animals for entertainment is top of your list. Creating and repairing instruments of killing are next. I've got no problem with welding and wood-working, but I find it interesting that you list raising your child as a hobby, and last on your list too.
http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/mormon.asp
Couldn't find anything on whether Pepsi's symbol was intended to be related to the Yin-Yang.
Deut. 7:26:
"Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing. (KJV)"
Well, I know some people in the cola-wars that would agree that she isn't allowed one or the other of the soft drinks.
I think the others have adequately dissected the rest, so I was left with arguing over pop.
"1. Do you believe in the Saving Power of the Blood of Jesus Christ? Yes
Cool, I have a vial to sell you!
2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number
Prove it!!!!
3. What is your favorite thing about the KMB Flea Market Ministry? There are new experiences and challenges everyday!
Oh probably the fact I've never heard of it! Yep, definitely have to go with that!
4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches
Good luck with that - much nicer than world peace - and just as likely right now.
5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house
Actually 7:26 says.
Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: [but] thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it [is] a cursed thing.
And yes, while this fits Pepsi, I'd say it fits Michael Jackson who sponsored it far more wouldn't you agree?
If you want to use the OT to fight Pepsi, suggest their "Next Generation" slogan counteracts "respecting thy mother and father"
6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple
Naughty! That colour is strictly reserved for royalty! Off with his head. (Oh and you know what they say about purple and sexual repression)
7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Pistachio
A nut, how apt!
8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus
wrong! Jesus wasn't born on the feast of Mithras.
9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)
Yaaargh - that's even more sinister than Jimmy Swaggart (with or without eyebrows)
10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!"
Too many options here! Weapons and children? How often do you do your son? Is It your son?
Well, child rearing is a hobby these days. You buy stuff at the store, and dress them up how you want, and tell them stupid bible stories. Its kinda like Sim Human Being. It gets kinda old after a while though.
Why anyone would want to be Donald Trump is beyond me. I suppose he wants to be rich beyond his wildest dreams, but thats not very christian of him.
I'm still impressed that somewhere out there, there's a someone who'd fuck a bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working nun!
"2. How many years have you been saved? 13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number
4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches
5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house
6. What is your favorite color? Dark purple
8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus
9. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Donald Trump (without the eyebrows & hairdo)
10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, & a one year old son!"
2-Apparently using proper grammar (see: a/an useage) is unlucky as well.
4-Because Jesus claimed he was going to come back and fight, a la Passion of the Christ 2...
5-Wrong about Coke, dumbass.
6-Isn't white the holy color?
8-Wouldn't that be cancer, considering the fact that one of Christianity's big don'ts is a good way to reduce the risk of cancer?
9-Even though he uses numerous amoral tactics to get ahead? (Liekly to get head as well...)
10-Violent, creating a tool of violence, no issues, working "wood" is a sin, and that one isn't a verb.
<<Violent, creating a tool of violence, no issues, working "wood" is a sin, and that one isn't a verb.>>
Jesus was a carpenter. He probably worked his "wood" every day for the first decades of his life.
Wouldn't it be more telling if the last one read:
10. What are your hobbies? Bowhunting, gun-smithing, welding, wood working, a one year old son!"
"4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches"
Christ Akbar! KABOOM!
So what's this about Jihad?
"5. Pepsi or Coke? Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house"
That's hilarious
8. What is your sign? Capricorn, just like Jesus
One of my favorite bits from The Life of Brian:
Mandy: What star sign is he?
Wise Man 2: Capricorn.
Mandy: Capricorn, eh, what are they like?
Wise Man 2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man 1: King of the Jews.
Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man 3: No, no, that's just him.
Mandy: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.
I vote parody. Anyone from PA want to check them out?:
"Ever Saturday, you can go to Rossi's Flea Market, North Versailles, PA to save money, but we at KMB Ministries prefers to go there to save souls for Jesus. We have a booth set up there as well as Brothers and Sisters walking the grounds to pass out Chick Tracts and free KJV Bibles for the price of a small love gift to our minstry. Praise Jesus."
4. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches
And that pretty much sums up the problem. Given an opportunity to ask for peace (no peace without Jesus, everything else is Satan's work), health for family and self, grace, wisdom, or a greater opportunity to live life as Jesus did, he instead asks for the Great Jesus Smackdown.
I suppose its more the fault of his church than anything else. How better to keep those tithes coming than by convincing all the congregants that they alone will get to watch the Big Ending without fear.
Maybe he'll wise up and realize he's being exploited. Let us pray.
"13, but I say 12 years 12 months because 13 is a unlucky number"
I thought belief in superstitions were of the devil.
"For Jesus to come back and begin the assault on the unbelievers and the lukewarm churches"
And they'll know we are christians by our love, by our love! Yes they'll know we are christians by our love!
"Neither, because Coke is owned by the Mormon Church and Pepsi has the Ying and Yang symbol on it and Deut. 7:26 says I am not allowed to bring it into my house"
So you don't wear polyester and you stone your kids to death when they step out of line, right?
"Capricorn, just like Jesus"
I thought astrological signs were a form of paganism. You know, like ouija boards, tarot cards, etc.
1. I don't acknowledge the existence of someone called 'Jesus', so how can his red yucky stuff 'save'?
2. Since the age of six, I've had bank (Midland, now HSBC) and Post Office accounts. Saving gives one a good feeling of security. And there's the interest accrued.
3.I frequent the Car Boot Sale/Market on Walton Street, Hull, every Wednesday and Sunday. Good stuff can be found - especially from the cheap food stalls!
4. Several things: a spaceship like the 'La Muse' (from the anime "Kiddy Grade"), more wealth than Bill Gates (which I would use to do good things for humanity), a hypercomputer (sorta like 'Memol' from the anime "Hanaukyo Maids"), and a law that meant it became illegal for right-wing fundies to speak just one word about their religion to anyone. Matthew 6:6. Just sayin'.
5. Asda's own brand cola. Just £1.47 for 4x2 litre bottles. Bloody bargain!
6. Blue. No, YellOOOOOOooooooowwwww ...! [/Monty Python and the Holy Grail]
7. (*climbs out of abyss *) Chocolate. What, is this the Bridge of Death?!
8. Pyrex. I was a test-tube baby. [/smartarse]
9. Joe DiMaggio. Then I'd get to have sex with Marilyn Monroe.
10. Anime & Manga. Computers (using, repairing, upgrading etc), Cycling (riding, repairing, building etc), Videogames & Pinball, and generally being an Atheist.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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