Todd Bentley Claims To Have Brought 35 People Back From The Dead
Bentley recalled how he had recently cured a young girl of Down syndrome and had even brought back from the dead a man who, 48 hours earlier, had been electrocuted so badly that all of his internal organs were melted.
"I wish we had a dead body we could pray for, but we don't. That would have been a great illustration," Bentley stated, explaining that he travels with a "raising the dead tent" in which he places those who have recently died so that he can pray them back to life.
So far, he's managed to bring back 35 people, Bentley said, but for best results, they have to have died in the last couple of days. Four days, it turns out, is generally the limit at which he is capable of bringing people back from the dead.
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Todd "Two-Tents" Bentley: "I travel with a "raising the dead tent" in which I place those who have recently died so that I can pray them back to life."
Interviewer: "'A' raising the dead tent? Is your other tent just for camping?"
"Two-Tents": "I only have the one tent that I use to raise the dead. I thought about getting another a few years back. Thought about it, said I was considering it, but I've not gotten around to it. Yet that nickname "Two-Tents" stuck!"
Interviewer: "So you don't actually have two tents?"
"Two-Tents": No, just the one!"
Interviewer: "And if you lose that, you'll be Todd "No-Tents" Bentley!"
@Malingspann
Nice MPFC reference there!
On another note... cured a girl of Down syndrome? Nice claim, and easily veriable by pre- and post-curing DNA tests.
The zompocalypse has started?
I'm disappointed that I didn't know. Has anyone contacted George Romero? If anyone should be privy to this information, it's Uncle George.
Can't bring someone back from the dead after four days, but he can totally heal someone who was electrocuted so much that his internal organs were melted? BTW, when someone is electrocuted, AFAIK their organs don't "melt." In fact, the opposite would happen as the water in the body would be boiled out.
Too bad nobody's ever recorded his resurrection attempts on video. I suspect it would be like Monty Python's dead parrot sketch: *bumps corpse* "There! He moved!"
"raises a brow and puts on giant dork hat"
You're a really shitty Cleric then Todd old boy and your God is impotent. Resurrection and True Resurrection can bring back people who have been dead 10 years/caster level. So at a minimum we're looking at one hundred and forty years compared to your four days.
and this is before we get into Epic Level Spells, deities, and plot devices that a DM can dream up.
Even the lowly Reincarnation spell trumps your pathetic ability Toddy. Seven days versus four days. So does Raise Dead with a minumum of ten days per caster level.
Resurrection and True Resurrection can restore people killed by death magic, and TR can restore a destroyed body.
Your fictional God pales before Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 Toddy old boy.
I believe that's what we call "Necromancy". Animate dead is... what, a 5th level spell?
Do we live in a Rolemaster world or something? How the hell can you electrocute someone such that you melt all of their internal organs and still have something recognizable as a person?
3rd level actually, 4th for arcane casters.
"coughs"
Still trumps his sorry ass four days as all you need is an intact body or skeleton.
@ Azereaux
I used the 3.5 SRD as I've been out of the gaming loop for a couple of years now. So don't feel bad. ;)
Actually...The 3.5 and 3.0 SRDs respectively. These help immensely when you're trying to get back into things, and as a quick but detailed reference.
www.d20srd.org
http://www.opengamingfoundation.org/srd.html
@ Anon-E-Moose
Oh wow...
So Todd Bentley is being shown up by Dungeons and Dragons, and Pepsi? This is making his God look more and more impotent.
Electrocution causes burns, not melting.
The worst part is, the above is one of the lesser inconsistencies in this avalanche of insanity!
This is an interesting puzzle. Animate Dead allows you to control 4HD per caster level, so he needs to be level 9 at least to control 35, which would mean he'd actually also be able to Raise Dead.
Not sure how you cure Down Syndrome though. I dont think Restoration or Remove Disease would do it. The only thing I can think of is Miracle, but that's a level 9 spell, but then you can just cast True Resurection anyway.
Not sure where I was going with this. I guess the realisation that this doesn't even make sense when seen through D&D glasses...
EDIT: I suppose it's possible that they were all level-drained and rose as vampires.
Guy's gonna run out of XP in no time flat. And those diamonds have gotta be hell on his wallet.
EDIT: Damnit, you guys beat me to the D&D references! I've brought great shame upon myself.
I could see a carefully worded Wish spell being able to pull it off. Though I doubt Todd has the brains to become a level 18 Wizard with 19 Intelligence.
Maybe a homebrew Epic spell.
We also have to consider the possibility Todd is using Illusion spells to fool practioners. He could be a specialized Illusionist or Enchanter.
@Svata:
Not if the energy drain is actually due to a Vampire's slam attack, although I did mix up the constitution drain and energy drain effects (Con drain produces a Vampire, Energy Drain produces a Vampire Spawn or a Vampire depending on hit dies). I always thought that distinction was stupid.
@Azereaux:
Now that’s just racist!
;-)
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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