[Divorcing an abusive husband]
2. if you tuely loved the person, wouldnt you want them to get help before you just end the marrige? true, i know there are some objections, but honestly, i know if my daughter (yes, i am a father) married someone that hit her, i know it would be hard for me, but if she truely loved him, it would make her happier to have him get help than to just end the marrige and the last thought of him was an abusive guy.
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He already has a daughter. That's the scary part.
I know better but I really wish I could pretend this was a joke. I have a hard time beliving any father could encourage his daughter to reconcile with someone who hit her. MMy first instinct would be to kill the abuser. While I am rational enough to back down from that position and let the courts take care of it, the idea that a father would encourage his daughter to stay married to an abuser makes me sick.
Actually, if there was a way to help the abusive husband, I'm all for it. If he's a drunk, he needs help. If he has mental "issues," he needs to be helped as well.
I'm pretty sure that if a person is of marriageable age and has violent tendencies it is unlikely that person will change significantly.
In Mormon theology, it is *perfectly acceptable* to seek a divorce to end an abusive relationship.
@Skyfire
Not only that, but the abusive partner faces excommunication. Not only does that mean being kicked out of the church, it also means that all ordinances the person had performed on them have instantly been voided.
*I seem to recall that certain acts of abuse can result in the abuser being tied by their ankles to a horse (or car these days) and dragged until they stop screaming, though I may just be making stuff up. Boot to the head for wrong answers, as it means you aren't too bright.
Well, let´s face it, HE IS, isn´t he a sinner and a marriage destroyer treating her that way?, is that marriage?, just because a priest named husband and wife and he is not fulfilling his duty must she endure that?
My dad hit my mom once. This was sixteen years ago, and he's never done it since, because the guilt about killed him.
But men/women who hit their spouses again and again need to be shot.
If I had a daughter and she was dating someone who hit her...I would kill them. Fair? Not really. But then again, this person would have already gotten "the talk" from me and would have been given fair warning about this type of situation.
Scary thing is? No one would ever find him. Ever.
Rangers Lead the Way.
if my daughter...married someone that hit her, i know it would be hard for me,
And how hard would it be for you, Garland, when his violence escalates and he kills your daughter?
Or would that just be another part of God's master plan?
So what if you had an abusive wife who repeatedly beat you, demeaned you, and forbid you from being in contact with anyone else? Would you be so complacent with abuse, then?
Happier to marry someone that hits her rather than marry someone who loves and respects them?
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[PSA Mode:On]
If someone hits you, break up with them and go with someone else. Everyone should know that. I know, says the guy that plays around hitting his fiancee, but we're playing and we don't hit hard. But if someone hits you trying to hurt you, break up, cut all ties, and leave.
[PSA Mode: OFF]
Yeah, you know the thing about an abusive spouse is?
They lie. "Oh I'm sorry, honey." "I didn't mean to hit you." "I'll never do it again, I promise." "I just lost my temper a bit, I'm fine." They'll promise to change, and to fix it, and treat you like a queen from that day on.
Until something goes wrong. She doesn't get him his beer, or she's home late, or whatever. And it happens again. And then he promises all the promises all over again.
So you can't "fix" it. You can't just make it better. All you can do is act in your personal safety and leave.
If I had a daughter/son and I found out her/his spouse hit her/him, I'd want to hit the spouse! Sure, get the abusive spouse help, but first get her/him away from my child!
If the guy doesn't want to be seen as an abusive guy, the solution is simple; don't be abusive.
Why should the abuser get help? What is his motivation? If his partner stays with him, he has everything he wants, and people who have what they want don't change. If his partner's family is encouraging her to stay with him for some reason, that just makes the abuser's decision all the easier.
Please don't invoke the canard of the abuser who is torn up inside about his behavior. That individual only exists in "very special" episodes of American sit-coms. In real life, abusers are very accepting of what they do.
This individual is just another example of our country's tragic ignorance of the dynamics of abuse.
“2. if you tuely loved the person, wouldnt you want them to get help before you just end the marrige?”
“true, i know there are some objections, but honestly, i know if my daughter (yes, i am a father) married someone that hit her, i know it would be hard for me, but if she truely loved him, it would make her happier to have him get help than to just end the marrige and the last thought of him was an abusive guy.”
Shut your facehole.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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