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Quote# 12052

I not long ago commanded an electric toothbrush to be healed in Jesus name and it suddenly started working because for weeks before it just made a low rumbling sound but wouldn't work and when I commanded it and stood on my faith, it worked. I had a pair of headphones that just died and commanded it to be fixed in Jesus name and it worked again.

The Soulless one, Myspace 33 Comments [5/31/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 0
WTF?! || meh
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Phil

Big deal, Uri Geller can do that through the television!

6/1/2006 2:56:37 AM

Napoleon the Clown

Changing the batteris does wonders for electric toothbrushes. And it really helps to plug in the damn headphones if you want them to work.

6/1/2006 3:13:24 AM

whitewater55

Prayus Jayzus, two miracles.
Next time, buy outside of Walmart, then you wouldn't have to bother the lord with such shit. Personally, I would be sending you a repair bill.
Fuckwit.

6/1/2006 3:19:57 AM

CousinTed

This has to be a fake...

6/1/2006 3:22:51 AM

Julian

Good to know Jesus is busy fixing your shit instead of feeding the poor!

6/1/2006 4:05:18 AM

Hadanelith

I can't be bothered to mock you now, for the national day of Slayer approaches, and so does Half-Life. That said, be gone!

6/1/2006 4:49:26 AM

Ice

Ain't he so kind repairing your toothbrush and forgetting about all those leukemia victims...

6/1/2006 4:52:45 AM

bjbj1991

And yet your Windows computer crashes, I and I bet $500 that you have some form of firewal or antivirus on your computer.

6/1/2006 5:26:11 AM

moonbiter

I need to have this guy take a look at my car.

6/1/2006 7:36:30 AM

TDR

moonbiter - amen!

6/1/2006 1:36:00 PM

David D.G.

Corrosion breaks loose on the connections in the toothbrush, and a broken circuit in the headphones realigns to reconnect. That's probably what you've got here.

God fixing shoddy minor appliances? Somebody is setting the bar for miracles reeeeeeally low. Any stage magician with five years' experience can easily blow away \"miracles\" like these with far more impressive ones.


~David D.G.

6/1/2006 1:59:23 PM

ND

Fuck. If I had the power to command stuff to work properly - I wouldn't stop at a damned toothbrush! Hell, I would be commanding all kinds of stuff to work - and charging people a lot of money for the \"repairs\".

6/1/2006 2:22:02 PM

Blind Watchmaker

Wanna get a million bucks? Submit your claim and get tested by the Amazing Randi!

6/1/2006 6:41:43 PM

g-21-lto

Aww, how cute.

6/1/2006 10:07:22 PM

StandardDeviant

There's a guy at my local Radio Shack named Jesus (with an accent over the U). Maybe that's who The Soulless One is thinking of.

6/2/2006 3:17:39 AM

Will

Okay, This HAS to be a parody! Has to!

6/2/2006 4:54:40 AM

Vortex

‘‘Please remember that Jesus is specifically meant for emergencies, and by clogging up Jesus with non-urgent tasks, you may be depriving those in urgent need of Jesus. . . .’’

6/3/2006 8:05:56 PM

Julian

uh oh. Just had a Douglas Adams moment.

Had started out thinking about \"What Would Jesus Repair\"

Then started thinknig it'd be hilarious to break into his house, steal his toothbrush, ...clean my dogs ass with it, take a picture and return the toothbrush and mail him the photo a few weeks later no wrong urban myth - derailed... Steal his toothbrush and write him a note saying it had been raptured.

So, the Douglas Adams moment involved the meek and subservient (toothbrushes) of the world all being raptured up to heaven to a land of constant running water, in much the same way that biro's migrate back to their home planet. (Not to mention the 'mice were furious' and 'so long and thanks for all the fish' moments where man think's it's the pinnacle of evolution)



(Isn't taking the Lord's name in vain blashphemy?)

6/4/2006 12:23:11 AM

Vortex

(Isn't taking the Lord's name in vain blashphemy?)

But he needed his toothbrush and headphones to work. Do you realize how shot to hell the world could be if that hadn’t happened?!

6/5/2006 7:03:18 AM

Makeshyft

Jesus, like Fonzie in a way...

Does that mean Ralph=Judas?

3/4/2008 2:19:32 PM

Freboy

Great! Could you come here and do that to my cell phone?

3/4/2008 2:23:04 PM

GigaGuess

*yawn*

Now command an end of poverty and hunger. Please, if you're so close to Jesus that he's repairing random things for you, surely he wouldn't mind doing that.

3/4/2008 2:33:58 PM

Brenz

This is the greatest superpower of our time.

3/4/2008 2:42:28 PM

God

I once flipped the light switch and the light went off at the exact same time! I assumed that there was a connection. And I was right!

The Soulless one, however, is most probably wrong about his coevent-interpretation.

1/28/2009 2:32:05 PM

Quantum Mechanic

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA


5/23/2012 7:11:27 AM
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