Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 12052

I not long ago commanded an electric toothbrush to be healed in Jesus name and it suddenly started working because for weeks before it just made a low rumbling sound but wouldn't work and when I commanded it and stood on my faith, it worked. I had a pair of headphones that just died and commanded it to be fixed in Jesus name and it worked again.

The Soulless one, Myspace 33 Comments [5/31/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 0
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2
Anon-e-moose

"I not long ago commanded an electric toothbrush to be healed in Jesus name and it suddenly started working because for weeks before it just made a low rumbling sound but wouldn't work and when I commanded it and stood on my faith, it worked. I had a pair of headphones that just died and commanded it to be fixed in Jesus name and it worked again."

Funny. I once had a hard drive that - when I tried to use it as an external storage facility - it wouldn't work. Yet, when I used another external USB enclosure, it worked fine.

PROTIP: a discharged rechargeable battery, if held in the hand, will give out current for a few minutes. Electrochemistry is a funny thing, as the likes of Faraday & Volta will tell you. And - unless there's a loose wire between the plug or the driver (magnet/coil) - headphones won't work unless they're plugged in*.

The 9th Commandment says you're going to Hell, o Soulless One. Lying for Jebus, much?

*- Unless they're Bluetooth ones made by Sennheiser, in which case, welcome to the Smartarses Club!

5/23/2012 7:18:20 AM

rubber chicken

Good idea, keep the bastard busy with inconsequential shit and he won't have time to give African babies cholera

5/23/2012 7:20:48 AM

Justanotheatheist

Now ask him to fix your brain. If he manages that, I will probably turn religious.

5/23/2012 7:44:18 AM

Dr.Shrinker

Poe

And, I might add, not even a particularity entertaining one

5/23/2012 8:33:53 AM

DFM

You have a great future in store for you as a master automobile mechanic. Open your own garage and just command the broken down vehicles to be healed in Jesus' name. You could make a fortune and give half of it to the church of your choice.

Low overhead. No equipment, parts, or supplies required. It is a simple way to get rich quick.

2/26/2013 10:25:44 PM

Lady Evil

Insert picture of starving child here.

2/26/2013 10:42:10 PM

anti-nonsense

so god will fix electric toothbrushes and headphones but he won't do jack shit for all the starving children in Africa? Sounds like he needs his priorities straightened.

2/26/2013 11:36:13 PM

Professor von SCIENCE!

And you sir (or madame) are a black hearted liar.

6/25/2013 11:02:01 PM
1 2