Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 13405

[Jake99 believes himself to be Jesus]

I am trying to cut the End Times short and I remain optimistic that one of you will wake up soon. I can stop the Mid East wars for all of time and have every intention of doing so just as I have stopped many other wars between people, unions and companies in the past.The UN has never stopped a single war and I do those things without anyone standing in my corner to advise or assist me.

Jake99, Armageddon Online Forums 36 Comments [7/30/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 4
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2
Hadanelith

Prove it. Make Hezbollah and Israel stop fighting. Force the ceasefire into effect. TODAY. RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Let not one more person die on either side. Do that, and I will bow down and worship you myself, for you truly would be capable of miracles.

7/30/2006 12:20:50 PM

Anna Ghislaine

Okay, go on then.

7/30/2006 12:38:45 PM

Allah

Go ahead. I dare you.

7/30/2006 1:30:46 PM

Papabear

\"I am trying to cut the End Times short and I remain optimistic that one of you will wake up soon.\"

I woke up about a hour ago.


\"I can stop the Mid East wars for all of time and have every intention of doing so just as I have stopped many other wars between people, unions and companies in the past.\"

Well, you certainly are taking your time. Of course, you've let heinous slaughters go on for years in the past so why should this time be any different.


\"The UN has never stopped a single war and I do those things without anyone standing in my corner to advise or assist me.\"

Well, that may be part of the problem. Of course, if you're \"God,\" you already know that.

7/30/2006 2:44:30 PM

Jacob Syne

Wow, you suck at godhood.

7/30/2006 3:09:19 PM

Star Cluster

I don't know about being fundie, but it certainly is delusional.

7/30/2006 3:18:19 PM

The Pantheon of Gods, otherwise known as NotMe

Like hell you can. Even we couldn't do that.

7/30/2006 4:23:11 PM

Jake99

I have been working towards peace for decades and I have the simple operating system that will achieve that goal. I am not God and would never let you worship me in any way. I have mediated and repaired hundreds of times in the business world and what I have done led chaos to peace and prosperity. All I need is a few who will be open minded enough to listen and understand the concept that Jesus recommended. I have been clearly standing against military warfare since 1968.

7/30/2006 7:26:07 PM

Napoleon the Clown

To be fair, the UN is too chicken shit to do its job effectively.

You sir, are a liar. Show me proof of these fantastic claims.

7/30/2006 7:51:51 PM

NotMe

So? Explain your system.

7/30/2006 8:56:51 PM

Blurb

Star Cluster beat me to it. Good work.

7/30/2006 11:14:38 PM

Bob

Oh, well, since you have been \"standing against military warfare since 1968,\" that makes it OK then. You know, I thought the years 1969-2006 were peaceful. Some system you must have there.

7/31/2006 12:03:49 AM

Austin

Again, it's NOT Dore Williamson?!?!?!?!?!?!?

7/31/2006 12:29:02 AM

Dante

I call for Heresey of the Month.

Anyone?

7/31/2006 12:53:16 AM

Jake99

I cannot score touchdowns unless I get the ball and I am from the most athletically gifted family I have ever heard of. I know of the common ground that unites all people and I have a very different view of what a terrorist is and what a freedom fighter is. I can easily find GW Bush guilty of war crimes and he thinks he is the Way. Jesus would have done the opposite of what GW Bush has done.

7/31/2006 4:18:38 AM

Martyn

Jake99..

Did you submit yourself to FSTDT? Just so you can preach your silly ideas here?

7/31/2006 6:06:04 AM

dykitty

Jake Christ? Oh, please.

7/31/2006 8:56:09 AM

Julian

Can we crucify this one too please guys?

Huh? Can we? Huh, huh?

Please?

7/31/2006 1:40:54 PM

Julian

OK Jake99 - the only miracle we've seen here is your whine turning into a torrent of shit, and frankly we can explain that without resorting to supernatural explanations.

7/31/2006 1:42:14 PM

answeris42

\"I am not God and would never let you worship me in any way. \"

In that case why are you trying to stop the 'end times?' If the world ends then Jeebus will come back and love us!

8/1/2006 12:13:42 AM

Mary Sunshine

Bible-Thumpin Bullshitter of the Month Award?

Or maybe the Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is Award? Seriously, twenty bucks says you can't do shit.

8/1/2006 2:19:20 AM

Mysteriously Anonymous Guy

Ah yes, the twinkie messiah...

8/1/2006 5:36:24 PM

Jaxraven

I think the common theme most of us have here is simple: you can stop the war? Any war, even? PROVE IT. Show us one scrap, one shred, of proof that YOU were responsible for a war ceasing. Show us this amazing idea or concept or plot or theme or whatever bugshit name you have for it, so we can see that your principle is a functional one. Stop whining about how others need to Do Something first; show us proof, and y'know, maybe we will.

8/1/2006 9:49:41 PM

tracer

Our Lord and Savior, Jake99, wrote:
I have been working towards peace for decades and I have the simple operating system that will achieve that goal.

You wrote Linux? I thought that was Torvald.

8/2/2006 6:53:18 PM

Jake99

The simple system is just a standardizing of economic and governing systems that applies to all lands as if they were one nation. A payscale much like the government employees, unions or militaries have is fine. It would be totally non profit, transparent and competitive.

The Commonwealth of Massachusetts already tried to crucify me in court on twenty occaisions just in the 2 years surrounding Y2K and I won my freedom twice in trials while claiming to be the Christ.I dont know how many dozens of prophecies that fullfilled but what I did prior to that altercation was far more valuable in terms of works which were many and miraculous. I was given the production managers position for many facilities that were in total chaos and restored them to peace and prosperity when many groups of others before me failed. I do not fail in the workplace or in court no matter what the challenge and I have been doing that for decades in every field of endeavor I could get involved in. And I come from a family of superior athletes, entertainers and business people. I did not present myself to this thread or whatever it is.

8/5/2006 9:17:47 PM
1 2