Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 13423

Think of it like this (stupid analogy coming up :D): if you are allowed to live in a room full of candy and eat anything you want (:P), as long as you don't eat any Reses in the meantime. If you do, you and all your friends will be banned from the candy room. Simple as that. But the rest of the room is all great! I mean, free candy, man. That's probably the best deal you can ever get. The only restriction is Reses.

Well you live there happily with your friend for a few days, when one day, your friend (hey, it would've been you eventually, I bet. If not, kudos to you. :P) eats a single Reses cup, because one of the maintenance guys gone bad had told him that they tasted good. He tells you to try one, because it tastes great.

So you eat one (okay, maybe today you wouldn't, knowing what would happen, but these were Adam and Eve here :P) and then you are banned from the candy room. Simple as that.

Now of course, there's candy in the outside world, but you have screwed up on the unlimited supply.

People just keep eating Reses over the years. Eventually, it is just genetically implemented into our system! Every single living [wo]man is born having eaten Reses. It's built-in to mankind.

Mankind has become so poisoned with Reses over the years that we have killed the man who gave us the candy room to begin with! Now he is dead...

But three days later, he is back! He was dead, but now he is alive, because he's the candy man, man! [it goes on like this]

ironmagma, Uru Obsession 76 Comments [7/31/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 8
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
That Goggles Kid

And if you don't believe that the Candy Man rose from the dead, you'll get shoved into his furnace.

2/28/2009 3:07:52 AM

Philbert McAdamia

On a summer day in the month of May a burly bum came hiking
Down a shady lane through the sugar cane, he was looking for his liking.
As he roamed along he sang a song of the land of milk and honey
Where a bum can stay for many a day, and he won't need any money

Oh the buzzin' of the bees in the cigarette trees near the soda water fountain,
At the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings on the Big Rock Candy Mountains

There's a lake of gin we can both jump in, and the handouts grow on bushes
In the new-mown hay we can sleep all day, and the bars all have free lunches
Where the mail train stops and there ain't no cops, and the folks are tender-hearted
Where you never change your socks and you never throw rocks,
And your hair is never parted

Oh the buzzin' of the bees in the cigarette trees near the soda water fountain,
At the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings on the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Oh, a farmer and his son, they were on the run, to the hay field they were bounding
Said the bum to the son, "Why don't you come to the big rock candy mountains?"
So the very next day they hiked away, the mileposts they were counting
But they never arrived at the lemonade tide, on the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Oh the buzzin' of the bees in the cigarette trees near the soda water fountain,
At the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings on the Big Rock Candy Mountains

One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fires were burning,
Down the track came a hobo hiking, and he said "Boys, I'm not turning."
"I'm heading for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountains;"
"So come with me, we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains."

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains, there's a land that's fair and bright,
The handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars all are empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarete trees,
The lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains, all the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall, the wind don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains, you never change your socks
And little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
And you can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin,
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short-handled shovels, no axes, saws or picks,
I'm a-goin' to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

I'll see you all this comin' fall in the Big Rock Candy Mountains!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
_____________________Haywire Mack McClintock

2/28/2009 4:21:02 AM

Bonobo

Religion: not for those on diet.

2/28/2009 6:29:18 PM

Missouri

But when I tried to offer little kids free candy, I got arrested. :(

2/28/2009 7:17:57 PM

Lainey

Withholding peanut butter cups is just plain cruel. Damn you! Now I want a peanut butter cup. >:o(

2/28/2009 7:20:17 PM

a mind far far away

Worst fucking analogy ever. And what the fuck is "Reses"?

2/28/2009 8:52:53 PM



What about people who are allergic to chocolate?

10/13/2009 9:20:32 PM

agentCDE

Not only is that analogy fucking stupid as hell, but banning Reses is downright barbaric and tyrannical. Kind've like withholding the Knowledge of Good and Evil, really.

10/13/2009 10:18:37 PM

Clown

No wonder fundies love circular reasoning and rigged games. It's all there in the bible.
God says to Adam: "Don't eat that, it's bad (or you'll die, if you want more accuracy).". Adam doesn't know what "bad" or "death" is until he eats the damn thing. How do you call that thing? Xanatos gambit? Xanatos rullete? Unwinnable game?

10/13/2009 11:57:58 PM

Blaidd Drwg

If you have 2 beloved children, who were unaware of the difference between candy and poison, why would you put them in a room filled with candy - and put poison in the same room - and then tell them "don't eat the poison" - then just go on vacation for a few days, when you know that your rival is in the neighborhood?

And than you blame the children for eating the poison?

Got some serious issues, I'd say.

10/14/2009 4:45:34 AM

Dr. Shrinker

You missed some rather rather important points. To make the analogy accurate, you would have to say that eating a Reese's will make you drop dead ("dying you shall die" as the Hebrew bible says). Then, after eating the Reese's, you discover that you did not drop dead. Then the guardian of the candy room throws you out because now you have the intelligence to know that you will die someday, and there just so happens to be a candy in the room that will make you live forever.

Since you did not drop dead from eating the Reese's, wouldn't that make you doubt the honesty of the candy room guardian? Indeed, since the guardian wanted to keep you in a state of perpetual immaturity (the knowledge of good and evil being imparted by the same fruit, er uh Reese's), wouldn't you seriously start to wonder about his/her/its motivations? Also, by keeping you away from immortality, the guardian has ensured your eventual death, along with your descendants (who had nothing to do with your eating the Reese's). Wouldn't that make you suspect the guardian's motives?

Whether you are talking about candy or fruits, the story of the garden of Eden makes your god look really, really bad. Apologetics, like the notion that god was talking about "spiritual death" only make it worse (how in the world would Adam and Eve have understood the meaning of "spiritual death?"). Analogies are generally used to aid understanding, but frankly, understanding anything beyond the grossly superficial seems to be impossible for you.

10/14/2009 6:38:01 AM

Rapax Pringer

"(stupid analogy coming up :D)"

'Nuff said.

9/4/2010 1:19:42 PM



I'm with Dr. Shrinker.

Also, ironmagma managed to make his story sound dumber than it does on his own, and that's all he managed. Why start?

9/4/2010 1:28:25 PM

Swede

Maybe I'm too grown up, but the thought of eating candy all day long, makes me slightly nauseous.

When searching Wiki for Reses, I found it to be a type of snail. I think I can refrain from eating snails easily enough.
Seriously though; if I didn't want my potential children to eat these Reses, I would not buy them or keep them in the house.

9/5/2010 6:30:45 AM

Justanotheratheist

That wasn't candy that you popped before you wrote that pile of doggy doo, dude.

9/5/2010 8:42:56 AM

The Duelist

What? Is this some sort of subconscious allegory for child molestation and Necrophilia?

9/5/2010 3:13:43 PM

whatever

I saw the Candy Man in Doctor Who: The Happiness Patrol (1987). He was silly, but scary. However, he never mentioned peanut butter. Oh, and he got killed in the end, so... nothing to worry about.

I'll always think of this post when I eat a Reese's Cup (yes, they can be had in the UK)!

9/22/2010 3:59:16 AM

Anon-e-moose

"Think of it like this (stupid analogy coming up :D): if you are allowed to live in a room full of candy and eat anything you want (:P), as long as you don't eat any Reses in the meantime. If you do, you and all your friends will be banned from the candy room. Simple as that. But the rest of the room is all great! I mean, free candy, man. That's probably the best deal you can ever get. The only restriction is Reses."

(I assume this twat refers to 'Reeses' Pieces')

That's okay. Reeses' Pieces aren't available here in the UK (at least not in my locale, anyway). Besides, considering other brands of confectionery made in the US - such as Hershey Bars* - I'll stick with those made here, by the likes of Cadbury** and Nestles. Which kinda fucks up your analogy, eh? Americentric much, ironmagma?

[/smartarse]

*- A friend who had gone to the USA brought back some samples of American chocolate, amongst which were Hershey Bars. I tried one. I dunno where they get their cacao pods, but the warehouse they're supplied by must send to America the floor sweepings too. Hershey bars' chocolate is so gritty!

**- Cadbury now use Fairtrade cocoa in all their chocolate products, so whenever I buy my bar(s) of Dairy Milk and/or Bourneville (the plain chocolate; their reintroduced rum & raisin 'Old Jamaica' bars are exquisite!), I'm helping farmers - and thus the communities' economies as a whole - in Third World countries.

@Dr Shrinker

"("dying you shall die" as the Hebrew bible says)."

Was it the same authors of said Hebrew Bible who did the subbing for the anime series "Fate/Stay Night"?:



X3

9/22/2010 7:54:02 AM

Anon-e-moose

@David D.G.

"Yeah, it's kind of essential to the analogy that you understand WHY this would be so tempting"

But ironmagma, in devising said analogy, didn't take into account three important factors:

1- The likes of Darwin's Lil' Girl ("I hate Reeses, actually.")

2- Those with a nut allergy.

3- The likes of yours truly, who don't live in the same country* where Reeses' brand of confectionery is sold.

Thus he clearly failed in his analogy (and he & his fundie ilk definitely put the anal in analogy). At least he acknowledged it was a 'stupid analogy'. Hmmmm, Poe/troll, mayhaps...?

*- Indeed, it's only in the last year or so that Glico of Japan's Pocky (licenced to 'LU', and renamed 'Mikado') has been available here in the UK; previously only sold in specialist Chinese food outlets.

9/23/2010 7:34:02 AM



Aha, so first your god makes a creature of need, then he gives this creature of need a morality, then deliberately makes the morality of this creature arbitrarily fallible and lets his buddy Satan surround this arbitrarily fallible morality with limitless temptation, and then he sits back, grabs a beer and bets on their salvation against Satan until they (the creatures) all die out. What kind of a disgusting piece of shit pervert your god is? He gives us a mind that thinks, only to decieve it; he gives us a heart that loves, only to break it; he gives us a body that feels, only to watch it burn in a pit of fire; and he lends us a soul, only to steal it away at whatever time he finds most amusing. That's no God; it's a MONSTER that you worship! Now go fucking choke on your pethatically juvenile analogies you blinded fool!

9/23/2010 8:57:35 AM

Le Rois

Getting it, getting it...

"Eventually, it is just genetically implemented into our system! Every single living [wo]man is born having eaten Reses. It's built-in to mankind."

Lost it.

That's retarded in all possible ways.

11/27/2010 11:27:20 PM

Dr. Shrinker

@ Anon-e-moose

Very funny. :)

Actually, "dying you shall die" is flowery language meant for emphasis. In other words, "you'll drop dead!" Notice that there is no statement or implication of "spiritual death," whatever that is supposed to mean.

11/28/2010 8:39:17 AM

Neith

tl; only read the first paragraph, because the very premise is all wrong.

> > stupid analogy coming up

You're right. It was extremely stupid, but I can fix that for you.

So, you're in a room full of candy, and you can have anything in that room except Reese's. You also have the innocent mind of a child, without any concept of right and wrong. A teddy bear walks up to you with a package of peanut butter cups and says, "The candy man lied to you when he said you would die. Not only is it ok to eat these, but they will make you like a god." The teddy bear then eats a peanut butter cup in front of you, seems to really enjoy it, and doesn't die.

Innocently, you accept a peanut butter cup and pop it in your mouth. Not only do you suddenly know right from wrong (the Candy Man was wrong to lie like that and only wanted it for himself, but the nice teddy bear told the truth and shared it with us), but it tastes so good. Being the nice person you are, you take some to your friend. etc. etc...

The Candy Man is a lying, selfish bastard, and the teddy bear is kind and generous. Why are people always so hard on the teddy bear and children, when the Candy Man was the evil one?

It's good to know the difference between right and wrong. Without that understanding, we would cause far more pain to each other than we already do. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want anyone to hurt me, so why should knowledge of right from wrong be considered a bad thing?

11/28/2010 11:26:42 AM



wtf?

6/25/2011 8:10:07 PM

v200

Who can make the sun shine? The candy man caaan!

8/11/2011 11:59:46 AM
1 2 3 4