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22 comments
I wonder how Unknown would react finding a note to them saying
"Dear resident of Somewhere
Your yard is becoming Relentlessly Christian!
Myself and others in the neihborhood ask that you Tone It Down.
This is a Gay area and there are Children. Keep it up and I will be forced to call the police on you!
Your kind need to respect that not everyone believes in YOUR God.
A Concerned Home Owner."
The first thing I thought when I saw this was "How does a yard (I mean, it's a yard for frack's sake) become 'Relentlessly Gay'"? What is this "concerned home owner" (Ha!) even complaining about?
I say let him call the cops. I'm sure they appreciate the occasional laugh, just like the rest of us.
Regards & all,
Thomas L. Nielsen
Luxembourg
I, too, would love to hear the phone call to the cops. Imagine a Bob Newhart routine as the dispatcher.
"Uh huh, uh huh... Rainbow decorations. I see. And rainbows are gay? I, uh, I thought they were a sign of God's mercy? Oh, right, right. And how is it that your children know the rainbow lights are gay, sir? YOU taught them that... And so, if you hadn't done that, they might not know the yard was relentlessly gay, then?
"Well, do you have a homeowner's association for your neighborhood? No? Then what do you imagine we'd use to cite... Oh, right. Well, see, the apostle Paul isn't going to testify in court, now, is he?
@Malingspann
That would lead to the unknown person crying persecution.
Dear unknown person,
I have no issues with gays nor with your Christianity
But I do not need to respect your god. I do not need to cater to your beliefs
and neither do they.
In what way is the yard "Relentlessly Gay"? Not just Gay but Relentlessly Gay...
You ought to keep the Children away from Christians.
Oh, please, please, call the police!
Which god? Does your kind have Respect for ALLAH?
Yes, please, please, please, call the cops, fucker! Oh and be sure to post the transcript.
I would PAY to see a transcript of that call to the police:
OPERATOR: "911. Do you need police, fire, or ambulance?"
CALLER: "Police."
...
OPERATOR: "What's the nature of your emergency."
CALLER: "I have this neighbour who has rainbow-coloured decorations in her yard."
OPERATOR: "Okay, and what is the emergency?"
CALLER: "Well, there are all these [cool] rainbow jars all over the place and I think the relentless gayness of it all could pose a moral danger to our chiiiiildren."
OPERATOR: "That is not an emergency. Call us back when it's Raining Men."
She had some coloured jars in her garden. That's it.
No statues of people involved in 'same-sex acts'. No lawn decoration involving a piano with a candelabra atop it. No picture of Ellen in her front window. Just some coloured jars.
Relentlessly Gay
Because of a few flowers ?!
My neighbours must be Relentlessly Gay, then: as they have plenty of flowers in their front garden.
As they're a man & woman: married , you have some explaining to do, then.
Besides, all the recipient has to do is do fuck all. Call the cops. Do it. DOO EET NOW! GET TO DA CHOPPAH! [/Arnie]
It's not the owner of that 'Relentlessly Gay' yard who'll then be in trouble: because they're not the ones who'll ultimately have to expose themselves, leaving their comfortable anonymity when they have to give their address to the despatcher/officers on the scene. Can you say 'Wasting Police Time'...?!
You haven't really thought this one through have you, eh Sparky...?!
@KingOfRhye
gayer than a French trombone
I smell a new meme in the offing. [/NaughtyGirl999 ]
If I received a letter like this, my first act would be to start looking around for a good deal on a job lot of rainbow flags, and start looking around anywhere that sells decorations for the gayest looking decorations possible, and buying the lot. I would then use those to do my level best to make my yard look like the aftermath of a unicorn exploding in a glitter factory, purely and totally as a big 'fuck you' to this anonymous asshole who likes poking their nose in other people's business, especially as I am actually heterosexual.
I would say, go on, call the cops. Problem is, they're working out their routine, for their march in uniform in the Mardi Gras next year.
You remind me a lot of this. This is what Abby said about their new alleged gaybours:
Dear Abby: About four months ago, the house across the street was sold to a "father and son" or so we thought. We later learned it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24. This was a respectable neighborhood before this "odd couple" moved in. They have all sorts of strange-looking company. Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians. Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there!... Abby, these weirdos are wrecking our property values! How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood? Up In Arms
Dear UP: You could move.
http://theweek.com/articles/468550/13-dear-abbys-best-zingers
@Anon-e-moose
Could be a band name..."The Relentlessly Gay Trombones"!
(and just to be ironic, they would never use trombones)
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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