Quote# 13439

[To the tune of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot]

"Baby Got Book"
Lyrics by Dan Smith; Copyright 2004

Oh my goodness, Becky, look at her Bible
It is so big
She looks like one of those preacher guys girlfriends
But...you know...Who understands those preacher boys
They only talk to her because she looks like Mother Teresa, ok?
I mean her Bible...it's just so big
I can't believe it's so huge
Uggh! It gross!
Look, she's just so...righteous

Verse 1
I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with a KJV
And a book mark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know that girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty o' space in the margins
Oh baby, I wanna read witcha
Cause your Bible's got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that Book you got makes ("M-m-me so holy")
Ooh, momma-mia
You say you want koinonia
Well, bless me, bless me
And teach me about John Wesley

I saw her prayingWhile I was DJing
She got grace...pretty face
She ain't goin' down to the bad place

I'm tired of heathen guys
Sayin' they like pocket-size
Ask the average Christian to take a look
She's gotta pack much Book

So...Fellas (Yeah), fellas (Yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the Book (Oh yeah!)
Well, read it (Read it!), read it (Read it!), read that Holy Book
Baby got Book

(NIV with a ribbon bookmark)
Baby got Book
(NIV with a ribbon bookmark)

Verse 2
I like 'em leather and bound
It's 50 pounds
I just can't understand
How it is, some weenie
Wants the Bible on CD
She wanna get you saved
Amen! Double up! A-men!

I ain't talkin' about a paraphrase
Cuz Paul wouldn't use those anyways
like 'em real thick and red-letteredYou can't find nothin' better
Southpaw's in love
Bibles that big are unheard of

So I'm sittin' here thinkin' "What if...
I find me a girl that shows midriff?"
You can have those bimbos
I'll keep those chick that do devos
A word to the Christian sistas
I can't resist yaI'll do God's time witcha
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna pray
Til the break of day
Baby, got it goin' on
Like the wife in Pro-verbs 31

We just might get engaged
When we finish reading this page
Cuz it's worn and it's torn
And I know this girl's reborn

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna save people from Hades (yeah) Then read it...'til the pages fall out
Even white preachers got to shout
Baby got Book

(Thompson Chain with big red letters)
Baby got Book

Yeah baby
When it comes to a good book
Stephen King's resume just can't compare
39 + 27 = 66 books
And if you're Catholic...there's even more

So your girlfriend quotes Bill Hybels
But does she got a big Bible?
Cuz that little things she's got won't start a revival
My Bible study don't want none,Unless you got Book, Hon

...You can read Clancy or Grisham
But please don't loose this Book

Some brothers wanna play that hard hard role
And tell you that Book's too old
So they toss it and burn it
And I pull up quick to just learn it
So your girl likes paperback? Well I ain't down with that
Cuz my girlfriend's hot her Bible's rockin'
And she's got good doctrine
To the atheist chicks who try to dis
You ain't it Miss Priss
Give me a Christian, I'm insistin'
And I'll greet her with some holy kissin'
Some pervert tried to chase But he didn't make it past first base
She's quick to resist temptation
And she loves a new translation
So ladies who were lost and found
If you want the triple-six thrown down
Dial 1-800-reads-a-lot
And teach me about those Psalms
Baby got Book

(NIV with a ribbon bookmark)
Baby got Book
(Thompson Chain with big red letters)

Bible college knowledge but she still got Book (4 Xs)

Southpaw, White Boy DJ 99 Comments [8/1/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: -2
Submitted By: StrangerOnAForeignShore

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Napoleon the Clown

I think we need to introduce this guy to Justin Shanahan...

8/1/2006 7:04:42 AM


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much effort was spent on this. I refuse to spend the effort to read it in full.

8/1/2006 7:08:31 AM

Winston Jen

We should get a whole TEAM together at FSTDT to make a parody of this!

8/1/2006 7:19:55 AM


Justin Shanahan Fanboy Award?


8/1/2006 7:47:31 AM


\"They only spend time with her because she looks like mother teresa\", wasn't mother teresa really ugly?

8/1/2006 8:16:22 AM


To be honest, I thought this was really funny, if you watch the actual video.

8/1/2006 8:18:31 AM

What the...?


8/1/2006 8:19:38 AM


I spent WAY too much effort reading this, even though I only skimmed it.

@Winston Jen:
We should get a whole TEAM together at FSTDT to make a parody of this!

Hmm, I could try. So far, I only managed to rewrite two verses of the \"Ode to Joy\" hymn to replace the idiotic Christian lyrics that got inserted. Even then, I only did so because I was infuriated that hymns of any sort were being performed at the occasion I was attending.

If I publish my rewritten song, would I have to pay royalties to Richard Dawkins for the \"virus of faith\" phrase, or is it too short and common to merit copyright protection?

8/1/2006 8:22:03 AM


This is awesome.

8/1/2006 8:22:19 AM


Haha, this was pretty amusing.

8/1/2006 8:37:01 AM


Okay, so I took off Justin Shaanaan's one, but this is way too long and way too kooky to immitate. Who wants a try...

Oh my goodness, Mary, look at her text book
It is so big
She looks like one of those intelligent girlfriends
But...you know...Who understands those thinking boys
They only talk to her because she has her own ideas, ok?
I mean her logic...it's well thought out
I can't believe her church allows
Argh, Its scary!
Look, she must be a freethinker

I like big Brains and I can not lie
You logical brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with a PHD
And shes writing chapter three
You get stoked
As a thinker she was raised
On astrophysics she ain't even fazed
It looks like one of those hard ones
With plenty o' letters instead of numbers
Oh baby, I wanna calculate witcha
Cause you really get the picture

8/1/2006 9:00:32 AM


You have a lot of free time, don't you?

8/1/2006 10:20:39 AM

b. beau brinker

When you think about it, the \"parody\" equates the bible with someone's ass...

8/1/2006 10:47:08 AM


that's it. im officially going to kill myself now.

8/1/2006 10:50:33 AM

Jacob Syne

The suck! It doesn't end! O_O

8/1/2006 1:03:23 PM


b. beau brinker:
Thank you for that point. So that means when I tell some one to get their nose out of their bible and look at the world around them, I am really saying get your head out of your ass right?

8/1/2006 1:14:19 PM


He may be a fundie, but at least he has a bloody sense of humor. I enjoyed his video; it was entertaining, if really silly.

The best part? \"Me so holy.\" That is just soooooo wrong, and somehow, in this form the line is dirtier than the original.

8/1/2006 1:43:12 PM


As a fan of Sir-Mix-A-Lot and a frequent performer of \"Baby Got Back,\" at karaoke I cannot fully articulate how offensive I find this.

8/1/2006 1:46:14 PM

Dr. Major

The video is A++, i don't care how fundy this is, it's great.

8/1/2006 1:50:02 PM


Ohh dear! I need a new keyboard, i spat coffee all over mine.


8/1/2006 3:00:24 PM



8/1/2006 4:01:59 PM


\"I mean her Bible...it's just so big
I can't believe it's so huge
Uggh! It gross!
Look, she's just so...righteous!

I couldn't make it past this part. LMAO!!! She's just so... righteous!

8/1/2006 4:35:52 PM

Angel Kaida

Um... kay! I like 'em leather and bound too <.<

8/1/2006 6:41:03 PM


...as a long-time filker I can't help but respect the effort (and the humor) that this involves. It's incredibly silly, and in many ways mind-bogglingly stupid... but at the same time it took a fair bit of thought to do and really, isn't that bad a filk.

8/1/2006 7:03:26 PM

Alex W.

'can't believe it's so huge
Uggh! It gross!
Look, she's just so...righteous'

What's going on here again?

And speaking of Justin Shanahan, what happened to him? I miss his batshit crazy posts.

8/1/2006 7:06:06 PM

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