Quote# 24858

And finally... the worst truth of all. There is a God. He has existed forever. However, there is no heaven, and there is no hell. When we die, our souls are transported to an alien military base on Jupitor, and we are brainwashed for about 9 years. Then, we are dumped into the water around California, and we scramble to inhabit a newborn baby. We are all aliens from other planets that were punished. Some of us were revolutionaries, some of us were criminals, some of us were just at the wrong place at the wrong time... but we are caped off from our immortality. In essential form... we are weightless beings that feel 100% happiness, can see everything, can operate with telekenisis and ESP... but yet we are trapped in the human body. I have much more information, but I don't think its in your best interest to lay down all the bulk of it now. I'm sorry to have told you all this, but you need to know the truth

jaguarmike, above top secret 19 Comments [11/23/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 6

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an alien military base on jupiter? like, the gaseous planet? you dick

4/26/2008 2:23:15 AM


no i think hes talking about jupitor, the great planet that doesnt exist

5/11/2008 3:38:24 AM


Lets see... So we're killed off, brainwashed, reincranated, alien souls.

Jaguarmike is ripping off Scientology.

5/11/2008 4:07:23 AM


So i had to travel to AUSTRALIA to find a baby to jump into? You must have been so high when you thought of this.

5/31/2008 10:18:10 AM



6/1/2008 3:54:19 AM


Jesus christ, it's like every crazy theory mixed into one. All he needs to do is add in some reptilian guards on "jupitor" and insist that the collapse of the twin towers was caused by a massive influx of alien souls being returned to the earth, and we'd have the perfect conspiracy theory.

6/2/2008 2:00:14 AM


Why did this get a 4.11? This should get a 5+ or something. This is too awesome. How can people like this exist?! XD

6/5/2008 8:10:04 PM


...nice. It's surreal enough to come from someone obviously crazy, yet nonsensical enough to make me wish I was crazy enough to believe it.

11/27/2008 10:12:55 PM

How does explain the population explosion?

12/15/2008 7:56:48 AM

Captain Klamydia

He is correct I have evolved from my true form and the Christians are right evolution is like pokemon where i spontaneously turn into something else regardless of the laws of science and i will telekineticly shove my foot up this guys ass

9/14/2009 3:31:31 PM

Crimson Lizard

Holy batshit, Fatman!

12/20/2009 11:35:33 PM


Yes, I'm sorry you told us that, as well...

I have to live on the same planet as someone who believes that our souls are transported to Jupitor...

12/24/2009 9:16:38 AM

Rapax Pringer

This is more trippy than my visions of the Great Evil Cleice the white panther visiting me in my dreams to play Transformice.

... Okay, probably not as trippy, but still.

7/25/2010 10:20:30 AM


WTF IS THIS SHIT!!! Please take your meds.

7/28/2010 1:32:12 AM


L Ron Hubbard is going to come back from the dead to sue you for copyright infringement.

7/28/2010 1:51:15 AM


The truth would be nice, but this sure as fuck isn't it.

However, as a plot for a sci-fi spoof, this isn't half bad. Emphasis on the word "spoof."

8/6/2010 9:35:32 AM

The Turian Counselor

Ahh yes, us just being human. We have dismissed that claim.

8/27/2010 8:35:43 AM


See kids, this is what happens when you take too much LSD.

9/27/2011 12:39:49 PM

So...is this a story you have written or actual fact?

4/11/2013 8:44:32 AM

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