Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 30657

Oh, and also, you’ll notice that for the last 3 1/2 years of the tribulation, no rain falls on the earth. So that water is being evaporated to reform the firmament. God will be rebuilding the earth. Earth will be sharply rotated, jolted, so that the mountains will be broght low and the valleys raised up (from the rotational forces, the earth will be flattened to prepare it for world-wide agriculture). The earth is going to be made into a giant garden. In order to do that, everything has to change. With the vapor canopy, the firmament reinstated, radiation from the sun will be partially blocked so that people’s life spans will be muchg greater than they are now. The Bible says that a sinner will die at the age of 100 and be called a child. One of the reasons we die so young, is because we have a very thin atmosphere, and pukey ozone layer. Our shields are almost down. Like I said, the “curses” of the tribulation are just God’s way of turning the earth back into a garden. The seas will vanish, as John said there were no more seas. A LOT of landmass is going to be freed up. We will no longer need the seas, which are salt water (antiseptic) to filter our air and water, the earth will be in perfect balance and that will no longer be needed.

yankeesdoodle, Free Republic 21 Comments [10/31/2007 5:24:03 AM]
Fundie Index: 3
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1


I don't recall anything in the Bible that says anything of the sort, though I'm sure you've convinced yourself that it's in there.

10/31/2007 2:27:00 PM

Razakel

... none of that is in the bible.

Anyway, no more mountains or oceans? What kind of suck is that? Definitely NOT paradise, my friend.

10/31/2007 2:33:59 PM

Flatworm

Wow, so much fail in one post.

First of all, no rainfall for 3 1/2 years anywhere will pretty much wipe out most of humanity. Also there's no way for this "vapor canopy" to form. If the water is getting into the atmosphere it cannot avoid condensing as warm air masses meet cool air masses.

Of course, this guy probably thinks rain is a literal miracle and has no idea how the water cycle works.

Then there's the fact that "rotational forces" strong enough to level mountains in southern Chile would be strong enough to fling everyone off the equator. Just where all this extra energy will come from he doesn't explain.

But then hey, it's Free Republic.

10/31/2007 2:41:37 PM

Caustic Gnostic

It would be a helluva lot simpler if the Vogons take care of it.

10/31/2007 3:01:03 PM

Moondog

I don't recall ever hearing this , either, but I'll play along. If it did stop raining for 3 1/2 years. inturrupting the water cycle, it would put a lot more water vapor into the atmosphere. Anyone who says anything about a "water canopy" is full of shit. Water vapor is a greenhouse gas, and more so than CO2. With over 3 years of rainfall sitting in the atmosphere, the greenhouse effect would make the Earth like an oven. Instead of blocking the Sun, its energy would be held in. Flattening the Earth? did this come from the Flat Earth Society?

10/31/2007 8:08:10 PM

Rhys

"radiation from the sun will be partially blocked so that people’s life spans will be muchg greater than they are now."

This is my favourite part. Not even Superman could make a leap that big, and he can fly!

10/31/2007 8:18:11 PM

AnonymousAsshole

As I read this, I was amazed that this much stupid could fit into one paragraph. Then I saw the source, Free Republic, and realized that the surface has been barely scratched.

10/31/2007 8:36:59 PM

Tempus

@AnonymousAsshole: There's stupid in them thar hills!

10/31/2007 10:04:45 PM

approximate

Wow, you even suck at reading your bible. You'd better go kill yourself before your god does it for you.

10/31/2007 10:36:25 PM

Heyoka

Even as a science fiction movie, this would fail extremely.

10/31/2007 11:19:49 PM

Brian X

One must admit, though, a masterpiece of spurious ad hockery.

11/1/2007 12:41:37 AM

SSJPunk

Riiight, considering that miners are protected from the sun's radiation most of the time and they live a whole fucking lot longer than everyone else. Oh, wait, they don't.

11/1/2007 1:34:21 AM

Mandy

That whole thread is hilarious.

11/1/2007 3:10:36 AM

menopausal bitch

The concept is interesting but needs some work. Rewrite this, use easier words, replace *god* with *aliens*, and we might be able to sell it as children's fiction.
If you prefer an adult market, embellish your theory a bit, pay closer attention to your biblical references (we'll need chapter and verses) and we'll give it a try. Hell, it worked for Hal Lindsey.


11/1/2007 5:55:31 AM

David B.

One thing I can never understand is if these people really believe that everthing described in Revelations is going to happen, why do they regularly ignore Rev 22:18?

"[Jesus said] I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book."

Geez, you'd almost think they didn't know their own bible!

11/1/2007 6:02:57 AM

GigaGuess

Great. Where will all the salt go? Since 75% (If I recall correctly) of the Earth's surface is covered in water, all that water will leave MASSIVE salt deposits, and that land will be unsuitable for growing anything. And what about the fish? Ignoring the fact that such a "benevolent" move will destroy billions of creatures, why would God wipe out a viable food source?

Oh. And chapter and verse, bitch.

11/1/2007 6:50:44 AM

cyborgtroy

Just like in that DragonForce music video!!

"Operation Ground and Pound"

1/11/2008 5:41:55 AM

Kuno

God will turn all of the Earth into a garden by not letting it rain for 3 ½ years…

I see a small problem with that plan.

5/22/2013 1:50:05 AM

Baked Goods

The seas (or rather the marine algae living in them) produce about 75% of Earth's atmospheric oxygen. Trees and plants which produce the other 25% of oxygen as a byproduct of chlorophyll production, require the Sun's UV radiation for photosynthesis. Also, the last time a lot of water got up there to block the sun, Earth had the start of an ice age. In other words, if for some reason all the seas boiled away into vapor and blocked the sun, all multicellular life on this planet would go extinct, including eventually, even human beings.

5/22/2013 7:41:54 AM

Justanotheratheist

My goodness, it must have hurt when you pulled that mountain of crap out of your ass. No rain for 3 and a half years sounds like a winning recipe for "rebuilding the earth", and that probably isn't even the mostg idiotic thing that you wrote.

5/22/2013 11:20:58 AM

Blarghonius

Except everything would die if there was a global drought of that magnitude. And those rotational forces would not lower the mountains. And your god does not exist.

5/22/2013 4:23:50 PM
1