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Quote# 30703

Search Warrant Checklist

Occult games (I Ching, ouija boards, tarot cards, crystal ball, fantasy role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons), Ashes from fire pits, including fireplaces and wood stoves, Robes and detachable hoods, Gongs, drums and bells, Wooden stand for an altar, a marble slab or crosses, Chalice, goblet, cruet, Phallus (sculpture of the male sex organ), Heavy wooden staff, sword, knives, Small velvet pillow, scarlet in color, Bullwhip, cat o'nine tails, ligatures, Mirror, Animal, mask, possibly papier mache, Black satin or velvet glove for the right hand, Large ruby ring, worn on the first finger of the right hand, Flash powder, smoke bombs, Incense, Body paint, face paint, Metal crown with four candle holders, Ferns, palms, Human or animal bones (especially skull, long bones, finger bones), Coffin, Ritual books, black books, diaries (such as the Book of Shadows, which may be handwritten), Medallions with satanic symbols, Occult jewelry, Small animals in cages, Graph paper for fantasy games, Oddly shaped dice, Horror masks and costumes, Crystals, Small metal figurines of mythological nature, Posters of mythological beings, animals, half-animals, Nightmarish posters, Sexual, particularly sado-masochistic, posters, Posters of heavy metal and punk rock stars, Paraphernalia related to the martial arts - such as ninja costumes and throwing stars.

Gene and Earline Moody, Demonbuster 70 Comments [11/2/2007 1:41:17 AM]
Fundie Index: 5
WTF?! || meh
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Tiny Bulcher

I have a mirror. I used to have a poster of Jimmy Page.

I confess!!!! I'm a warlock!!!

11/2/2007 1:46:45 AM

Rhys

Aww, I only got 16. I'm a terrible occultist.

What's a "half-animal"?

11/2/2007 2:13:06 AM

Martin

"Oddly shaped dice", "Small metal figurines of mythological nature", "Nightmarish posters".

Someone won't like Warhammer.

"Ferns, palms,"

any other plants you have a grudge against? Juniper bushes perhaps?

11/2/2007 2:18:06 AM

Ex-Fundie

Crosses? Does this mean Christianity is of Satan?

11/2/2007 2:41:38 AM

TB Tabby

I really, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally hope this is a Poe.

11/2/2007 2:43:41 AM

Mr Smith

Sexual, particularly sado-masochistic, posters

Where can you get these?

11/2/2007 3:34:16 AM

anevilmeme

Breaking into people's homes and taking all non-christian items, sounds like a fundie wet dream.

11/2/2007 3:48:51 AM



So, get rid of anything resembling normal or associated with the Middle Ages.

11/2/2007 3:51:47 AM

rubber chicken

How did they get my shopping list ?

11/2/2007 4:26:51 AM

Xotan

"Search Warrant Checklist

- Are you the police?

Occult games (I Ching, ouija boards, tarot cards, crystal ball, fantasy role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons),

- Spoilsports. No games allowed.

Ashes from fire pits, including fireplaces and wood stoves,

- Have I to freeze all winter?

Robes and detachable hoods,

- What, not satisfied with freezing me, you won't even let me have an anorak?

Gongs, drums and bells,

- And I absolutely love Gong with the Wind.

Wooden stand for an altar,

- No more sacrificing virgins in the dark of the moon? Aw!


a marble slab or crosses,

- Crosses? Aren't they supposed to be a Christian symbol? What are you? fundamentalist pagans?


Chalice, goblet, cruet,

But I need these to drink my wine in a civilized fashion. I don't want to have to drink it from the bottle.

Phallus (sculpture of the male sex organ),

I AM glad you said scuplture. Being male, I was getting worried for a moment.

Heavy wooden staff,

- No curtain pole?

sword, knives,

- do you want me to strip out my dining room altogether?


Small velvet pillow, scarlet in color, Bullwhip, cat o'nine tails, ligatures, Mirror, Animal, mask, possibly papier mache, Black satin or velvet glove for the right hand, Large ruby ring, worn on the first finger of the right hand, Flash powder, smoke bombs, Incense, Body paint, face paint, Metal crown with four candle holders, Ferns, palms, Human or animal bones (especially skull, long bones, finger bones), Coffin, Ritual books, black books, diaries (such as the Book of Shadows, which may be handwritten),

- very, very kinky. Me likes! Hmmmm! :-)


Medallions with satanic symbols, Occult jewelry,

- Are swastikas allowed, then?


Small animals in cages,

- Oh no. Free the hamster! And the birds.

Graph paper for fantasy games,

- don't know such games. Can you be more graphic?


Oddly shaped dice,

- the ones for cheating?

Horror masks and costumes,

- Bu I plan to go to Venice for Carneval!


Crystals,

- Hey Martha, throw out the chandeliers and the glassware in the dining room!

Small metal figurines of mythological nature,

- eh?

Posters of mythological beings, animals, half-animals, Nightmarish posters, Sexual, particularly sado-masochistic, posters, Posters of heavy metal and punk rock stars,

- Verrrry kinky!

Paraphernalia related to the martial arts - such as ninja costumes and throwing stars."

- I've heard of falling stars, and even fallen stars. But throwing stars? Do you mean barfing - as in throwing-up?

Gene & Ear Line Moody, your name says it all. You are utterly off the wall.


11/2/2007 4:31:48 AM

haywood jablomy

More and more, I'm convinced that Demonbuster is approaching the Poe level of Landover.

11/2/2007 4:36:02 AM

LabRat

"Body paint, face pain"

Yeah, those football fans can get pretty strangesometimes

11/2/2007 4:38:10 AM

Mister Spak

You forgot Harry Potter books.

11/2/2007 5:16:26 AM

Amanda

Someone's kinky! Are you searching Michael Jackson's house?

11/2/2007 5:41:24 AM

solomongrundy

Oh, come on. Demonbuster must be a hoax.

11/2/2007 6:06:03 AM

EMR

Remember: If they come to take your ninja costumes.......give 'em the stars!

11/2/2007 6:14:53 AM

menopausal bitch

The only things I have from this list are a wood stove (with ashes), a mirror and face paint (makeup). I'm so not cool.


11/2/2007 6:25:24 AM

Doctor Whom

Check out the home page. It seems that they have an end-time deliverance ministry and are selling a house. What's wrong with that picture?

I have to admit, though, that I envy how much you can get for so little money down there.

11/2/2007 6:25:48 AM

Thundersqueaks

Pfft! You just copied that list from a gothic supplies site.

11/2/2007 6:38:38 AM

El Guapo

How did G. and E. know what I keep in my garage?

11/2/2007 6:45:51 AM

solomongrundy

How come Earline condemns face paint but sells cosmetics?

11/2/2007 6:52:40 AM

adam

ik think they stuffed up with their commas, i believe that each new item is denoted by a capital letter.

11/2/2007 6:53:45 AM

Caustic Gnostic

This is what the Taliban use...?

You forgot Mr Smith and Mr Wesson. Too bad, assholes.

11/2/2007 6:57:25 AM



The I Ching isn't, and never has been, a game. >_<

11/2/2007 7:29:59 AM

GigaGuess

Y'see...when you go into someone's house and grab things, not only without a real warrant, without a viable reason (ZOMG WITCH! is not a viable reason) and when you're not even an officer of the law, it's not confiscation. It's theft. And I will hold you until the cops show up. And I will not make it pleasant, either.

11/2/2007 7:47:48 AM
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