Quote# 31688

* The King James Bible contains God's built-in dictionary, defining each word, in its context, using the very words of the Webster's and Oxford English Dictionaries!
* The King James Bible has a vocabulary and reading level which slowly builds progressively from Genesis to Revelation.
* The King James Bible uses words with the appropriate sound symbolism. It has a vocabulary that phonaesthetically fulfills the Bible's own description of itself as "powerful."
* The King James Bible is the only extant access we have to the pure language lexicons of the 16th and 17th centuries.
* The King James Bible gives a transparent view of the Greek and Hebrew vocabulary, grammar and syntax.
* The King James Bible has internationally recognizable vocabulary and spelling.
* The King James Bible uses literary devices which enhance doctrinally important concepts and memorability.
* The King James Bible has a sentence structure which enhances accurate doctrinal interpretation.
* The King James Bible's words and sentences are patterned and woven through its fabric so as to provide a consistency of form and content.
* The King James Bible has the precision and longevity of the legal document that it is.

Gail Riplinger, chick.com 80 Comments [11/28/2007 7:32:06 AM]
Fundie Index: 9

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Aren't you supposed to worship God instead?

11/28/2007 7:46:26 AM


Since King James I of England was homosexual (or bisexual), aren't you spreading the "homosexual agenda" by promoting this book?

11/28/2007 7:50:17 AM


The King James Bible has chicken cannons.
The King James Bible is Gail's only lover.
the King James Bible is what's for dinner.
The King James Bible is where it's at.
The King James Bible need not be repeated with every sentence.

11/28/2007 7:59:17 AM


*The King James Bible can also remove limescale, make your teeth whiter, and give your clothes that fresh lemony smell.


11/28/2007 8:00:37 AM


* The King James Bible is Chuck Norris in book form.

11/28/2007 8:04:41 AM


"* The King James Bible is the only extant access we have to the pure language lexicons of the 16th and 17th centuries"

Huh? Are you trying to say that the way people spoke in Elizabethan/Jacobean times is the "correct" method of the English language? If so, why are you citing Webster's and the OED, they are 19th Century creations. Also, try reading Shakespeare, his language is much more poetic than the KJB.

11/28/2007 8:10:42 AM


Hard-on for KJV Award?

11/28/2007 8:12:12 AM


The King James Bible was written by a gay. ( at least my fact is true.)

11/28/2007 8:16:54 AM

Only that nobody speaks that English today, what a problem.

11/28/2007 8:26:39 AM


The King James Bible is smoked by 9 out of 10 prisoners.

11/28/2007 8:31:09 AM

Mister Spak

But the koran is the real holy book of the real religion.

11/28/2007 8:37:56 AM


hooked on phonics?

how is english internationally recognizable vocabulary and spelling? Huh? does it mean Germans should not read a german translation? What are you? Crazed Language Arts teacher?

11/28/2007 8:39:43 AM


From the website: The context reveals the meaning of the KJV's "archaic" words.

Sure, that's why we have fundies talking about being a proper "help meet" as if "meet" was a synonym for "mate."

Also from the site:

Well-known author Gail Riplinger began this research upon learning of a Christian prisoner's phenomenal leap in reading test scores after reading the King James Bible daily for a year. He jumped from a 5th-grade reading level, to 17th grade (post-graduate) level.

Reading complex language every day will tend to improve your reading skills. There's absolutely no reason to believe that there's something magical about the KJV.

11/28/2007 8:53:33 AM


*The King James Bible is large and heavy and can be thrown at children when a ready supply of rocks is not available.

11/28/2007 9:06:56 AM


The King James Bible slices, it dices, it comes in eleven attractive pastel shades, it can level a wobbly table, deodorize your trash, and ruin your mind all in under 15 minutes a week! And if you order in the next half hour, it's only fourthree easy payments of $49.99!

But that's not all! Call in the next seven seconds and we'll also include the Book of Mormon - Free! Just pay separate shipping. Magic Underwear not included.

11/28/2007 9:15:00 AM

Wesley Willis

You are the gibberish king.
KJV Bible is excellent.
KJV Bible really whoops a camel's ass.
You really whoop Saddam Hussein's ass.


KJV Bible is very special to me.
You can really jam harder like a magicist.
You are a gibberish star.
You can really get in the groove.


KJV Bible is the best.
You are a gibberish star.
About 98500 people like KJV Bible.
I like you well.

Rock over London,
Rock on Chicago.

American Airlines - we mean business in Chicago.

11/28/2007 9:27:45 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

Yup, so concise and clear that even fundies can't agree on what it says.

11/28/2007 9:29:16 AM


* The King James Bible is scientifically proven to remove 100% of flakes!
* The King James Bible has been dermotologically tested to guarantee smooth, silky hair.
* The King James Bible - because you're worth it...

11/28/2007 9:29:27 AM

Caustic Gnostic

I'm happier with the "heresy" that the Nicene council discarded, thanks. There's actually a lot more good material there about Christ, believe it or not!

King James' Babble? Um, not.

11/28/2007 9:37:10 AM

stronger now

Hard on for the king james bible award runner up.

11/28/2007 9:42:45 AM


Not only do your points not really matter in deciding whether a religious text is the right one for everyone to use (imo, it would be the one they most clearly understand), but also you are just so wrong. Early modern English hasn't a thing in common with the grammar or syntax of Greek and Hebrew, which are wildly different from each other anyway. 'Internationally recognizable'... you mean it spells 'color' as 'colour'? Just like your pal Noah Webster purposefully didn't do? The KJV is as inconsistent as all the other Bibles.

Some of it is purposefully wrong to advance political goals, some of it is wrong because they just didn't have the scholarship to know better.

And there is no test that would measure a 17th grade reading level. Graduate-level, maybe, but most don't make a distinction after high school.

11/28/2007 9:51:20 AM

Tiny Bulcher

Well, I'm glad I can read 17thC English, otherwise I wouldn't be saved!

... which might piss off a lot of people in China, mind you.

11/28/2007 10:11:06 AM


Hard-on seconded... or thirded, whichever.

11/28/2007 10:16:29 AM


The king james version is incomprehensible.

11/28/2007 10:55:24 AM


Did anyone happen to catch this little tidbit at this guy's site? The Irony is palatable.

"Forensic stylonomy would conclude that the new versions were written by an effeminate man or a woman. This corroborates the recent comment by the former Monitor of the Christian Reformed Church that NIV Old Testament Chairman, Martin Woudstra, was believed to be a homosexual."

11/28/2007 11:19:12 AM

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