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Quote# 31719

When you tune in to electronic pornography you have established a two-way link with the spiritual underworld. When you lie in bed at night and conjure up wicked images, the devils won’t stop with your mind; they will gleefully rush into the bedrooms of your children and assault their little souls and bodies. Evil thoughts will come to their minds – thoughts you have been thinking that are telegraphed to them by the devils. Your defenseless children will be taken captive, and you are the one that threw the gate open to the enemy.

Michael Pearl, No Greater Joy 61 Comments [11/29/2007 5:58:54 AM]
Fundie Index: 7
WTF?! || meh
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Mister Spak

Who knew the internet reached into other dimensions?

11/29/2007 6:05:56 AM

anevilmeme

So devils are now like the Borg? Assimilation for Satan?

11/29/2007 6:15:44 AM

Prager

Who knows what dark and twisted thoughts lurk in brains of fundamentalists? Thoughts only kept in check by the imaginary puppet master in the sky.

11/29/2007 6:16:56 AM

Smile, Satan loves you!

So does that mean that those of us without children are still good to look at porn?

Also, you describe it as a "two-way link with the spiritual underworld". That must mean that I too can gleefully rush into the bedrooms of the devil's children and assault their souls and bodies. Sounds like fun

11/29/2007 6:17:25 AM

Doctor Whom

The cable provider where I live (which has a monopoly franchise from the city) can't always give me a two-way link to servers that exist in this universe. Maybe we should let those devils of yours manage it instead.

11/29/2007 6:19:08 AM

Vincent

What.....The....Fuck !?
Question: Why is it that only fundies can get possessed?
Why do these things never happen to atheists?

11/29/2007 6:20:00 AM



Good grief, back in the old days you people just made do with the simple "hairy palms and blindness" threats. Granted, they didn't work either, but simply escalating the alleged punishment, while still not giving any rational reason why masturbation or porn may be immoral, isn't going to improve the situation.

11/29/2007 6:41:45 AM

Freboy

You would think that with the wealth of porn on the Internet, someone would have noticed by now???

11/29/2007 6:46:39 AM

apYrs

which particular reality does this tosser live in?!


11/29/2007 6:49:52 AM

Mr Smith

When you tune in to electronic pornography you have established a two-way link with the spiritual underworld.

That sounds more fun than than most of the other ways I've heard of :)

11/29/2007 7:02:08 AM

Jonathan

The only way I've ever been able to rationalize their paranoia of demons and devils is that the Devil must simply be way more powerful than I previously believed and that God is simply not omnipotent or omniscient.

If God wants us to have freewill and is opposed to forcing us to be good people than he must be equally opposed to the devil doing the opposite and lead us away from good. Why would God put up with this? Either he can't track the devil and see what he's up to at all times, or he simply is not powerful enough to stop him.

Maybe I'm thinking too much about this, maybe they're just crazy.

11/29/2007 7:21:45 AM

LabRat

Boy am I glad I don't have kids!

11/29/2007 7:26:02 AM

NonProphet

So... porn => demons => telepathic messages to your kids?

What new brand of crazy is this??

11/29/2007 7:44:47 AM



It could be that they suffer from peridonitis or have flu, don't you think?

11/29/2007 7:47:57 AM

Caustic Gnostic

Metaphor Salad, served up in a tinfoil hat.


11/29/2007 8:16:09 AM

Jake Steel

Have no kid, have no plans to have any soon either.

11/29/2007 8:31:19 AM



@Vincent: Why, because demons attack Christians to torment them and lead them away from God. Nonbelievers have already been led astray by more subtle demonic approaches such as the teaching of evolution. Silly you!

11/29/2007 8:32:02 AM

JasoNF

Imagine the nightmares in that house!

Most kids wake up afraid, go to their parents, and are told that it's only a dream.

In Michael's house: "What, you had a nightmare? Teh demonz are inside you! Did they rape you yet? Well, there going to! They're going to kidnap you right down to hell, and Satan is going to butt plug you unless you stay off those damn internets"


11/29/2007 8:36:35 AM

Michael (Not Michael pearl)

The Stupid is Strong in this one...

11/29/2007 9:02:47 AM

Michael

BTW.... I knew there was a reason I kept my old magazine collection. It's not electronic. it's paper. That makes it OK according to the fundie logic here

11/29/2007 9:03:55 AM

David B.

Mister Spak wrote: "Who knew the internet reached into other dimensions?"

Hey, it was invented by Al Gore, what did you expect?

11/29/2007 9:09:35 AM



Mike Pearl has a thing about porn.

11/29/2007 9:15:40 AM



It's funny. Why electronic pornography?, does it mean that if he reads it in a paper this telepathic stuff doesn't get to the children?, WTF?

11/29/2007 9:37:36 AM

cyborgtroy

Non-Sequitur Slope - Caution! - Very Slippery!

11/29/2007 9:42:02 AM

JustinGG

Stop masturbating or Satan will kill this kitten.

11/29/2007 9:57:00 AM
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