I've been attacked many times, the demon-possessed trying to tempt me, I was bitten, made sick to vomiting, stricken with numerous fatal diseases. But I threw myself upon the mercy of Jesus Christ, and pleaded the blood of Jesus, I cried out to him for his almighty salvation. He saves! The Moderator and others here have very good advice. Fast, pray, purify yourself from all that separates you from God, stay anointed. And whenever the destroyer Satan comes knocking, in Jesus' Name command that loser to go.
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I've been sick too, and I've had diseases that have killed tons of people. Unless you find little horns on viruses, I don't think I'm going to believe it's the work of the devil. Now I suppose you're going to say white blood cells are white to represent the saving light of Jeeeeesuuuuuus?
Stay anointed? How'd you do that? Won't people avoid you when you walk around all gooey and slippery? Think of the mess you'll be leaving.
I hope you don't smoke or you'll be classified as a fire hazard.
I had this pesky little condition. My mother spent the whole of my childhood talking in tongues to rid me of the demons who convulsed my body. As an adult, I called upon the name of MEDICAL SCIENCE! and hired a neurologist who prescribed medication to rid me of my epilepsy. After throwing myself upon the mercy of MEDICAL SCIENCE! I received salvation from injury and pain. Ditto for when I was hit by a drunken driver, or when I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my ankle. Medicine Saves!
its a miracle, how many times have you risen from the dead ? I suppose as many times as you have been stricken with numerous fatal diseases.
"I was bitten, made sick to vomiting, stricken with numerous fatal diseases ."
Apparently you were cured of all of them except your terminal stupidity!
"Fast, pray, purify yourself"
Yes, because if you're sick, not eating anything is the absolutely PERFECT way to keep your strength up.
And just to be facetious:
Jesus Saves
"Other people have tempted me with their pleas to relaz and not see demons behind every bush and live a normal life.
"I have been bitten by mosquitoes! It was horrible.
"I have caught stomach flu. :'(
"I have caught diseases that have surely been fatal to some people somewhere, like stomach flu and that skin rash I suspect is ebola, or perhaps bubonic plague."
Numerous fatal diseases, you say? And yet, you didn't die? Do you have proof that you ever contracted these diseases?
Or, y'know, outright lies.
the demon-possessed trying to tempt me, I was bitten, made sick to vomiting
What exactly were they trying to tempt you with that could be achieved by biting you?
Whydontyou.org.uk - Do Christians have a different definition of "fatal" then the normal one?
Why not? They have a different definition a dozen different words and counting - Love, Religion, Faith...
"stricken with numerous fatal diseases"!?!?!?!?
Riiiiiiight, yeah, "fatal".
"I don't think he knows what that word means." (Princess Bride)
" ... stricken with numerous fatal diseases."
Diagnoses provided by whom? Google,MD?
(Also: Did anyone else immediately see Rowan Atkinson's Evil Headmaster, recommending more "fatal beatings"? Anyone?)
(Oh fuck. Forgot I already commented on this gem. I can't help it, this makes me LOL every time I read it.)
Oh, and uhmmmm ... "Well, I got better ... "
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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