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Quote# 32417

I've been attacked many times, the demon-possessed trying to tempt me, I was bitten, made sick to vomiting, stricken with numerous fatal diseases. But I threw myself upon the mercy of Jesus Christ, and pleaded the blood of Jesus, I cried out to him for his almighty salvation. He saves! The Moderator and others here have very good advice. Fast, pray, purify yourself from all that separates you from God, stay anointed. And whenever the destroyer Satan comes knocking, in Jesus' Name command that loser to go.


Eloy, ChristiaNet 27 Comments [12/15/2007 2:29:24 PM]
Fundie Index: 2
WTF?! || meh
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AnoymousAsshole

"numerous fatal diseases"

I think I smell something here. Yep, it is
BULLSHIT!

12/15/2007 3:09:08 PM



"numerous fatal diseases"

you've survived multiple deaths?

12/15/2007 3:11:18 PM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

Good thing that evil ole debbil didn't cut your feet off. Jesus doesn't do diddlisquat to restore severed limbs.

12/15/2007 3:11:59 PM

t3h_fuhr3r

I've been sick too, and I've had diseases that have killed tons of people. Unless you find little horns on viruses, I don't think I'm going to believe it's the work of the devil. Now I suppose you're going to say white blood cells are white to represent the saving light of Jeeeeesuuuuuus?

12/15/2007 3:14:40 PM

Bryan65

"He saves!"

Jesus shoots! He scores!

Too bad none of the 'fatal diseases' were successful.

12/15/2007 3:17:07 PM

werewolf

Stay anointed? How'd you do that? Won't people avoid you when you walk around all gooey and slippery? Think of the mess you'll be leaving.

I hope you don't smoke or you'll be classified as a fire hazard.

12/15/2007 3:40:54 PM

ZugTheMegasaurus

Now I suppose you're going to say white blood cells are white to represent the saving light of Jeeeeesuuuuuus?
Quiet, t3h_fuhr3r; don't give them more ideas!

12/15/2007 3:45:21 PM

Old Viking

Eloy's a demon magnet like I'm a babe magnet.

12/15/2007 4:13:52 PM

Papabear

They aren't fatal diseases if you didn't die, Eloy.

12/15/2007 4:22:26 PM

Whydontyou.org.uk

Do Christians have a different definition of "fatal" then the normal one?

12/15/2007 4:30:35 PM

LOL Factory

I had this pesky little condition. My mother spent the whole of my childhood talking in tongues to rid me of the demons who convulsed my body. As an adult, I called upon the name of MEDICAL SCIENCE! and hired a neurologist who prescribed medication to rid me of my epilepsy. After throwing myself upon the mercy of MEDICAL SCIENCE! I received salvation from injury and pain. Ditto for when I was hit by a drunken driver, or when I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my ankle. Medicine Saves!

12/15/2007 4:34:54 PM



You'd better go to the doctor or the psychiatrists. Stupid stuff from the middle ages is not going to help.

12/15/2007 5:14:25 PM

Michael


12/15/2007 5:15:45 PM

cui bono

its a miracle, how many times have you risen from the dead ? I suppose as many times as you have been stricken with numerous fatal diseases.
Are you really that stupid, scared of your own shadow. What the fuck, kill your self and spare all of us another second of your worthless existence.

12/15/2007 5:55:13 PM

David B.

"I was bitten, made sick to vomiting, stricken with numerous fatal diseases."

Apparently you were cured of all of them except your terminal stupidity!

12/15/2007 6:14:24 PM

Ponder

"Fast, pray, purify yourself"

Yes, because if you're sick, not eating anything is the absolutely PERFECT way to keep your strength up.

And just to be facetious:

Jesus Saves
... The rest of you take full damage.

12/15/2007 7:34:39 PM

Jeremy PC


12/15/2007 8:16:43 PM

flipper

Yeah, but did you ever get turned into a newt?

12/15/2007 8:18:07 PM

Illuminatalie

Again with the demons. Why can't you guys ever provide more evidence of their existence than your lurid stories?

12/15/2007 8:23:18 PM



"Other people have tempted me with their pleas to relaz and not see demons behind every bush and live a normal life.

"I have been bitten by mosquitoes! It was horrible.

"I have caught stomach flu. :'(

"I have caught diseases that have surely been fatal to some people somewhere, like stomach flu and that skin rash I suspect is ebola, or perhaps bubonic plague."

12/15/2007 8:35:49 PM

NonProphet

Numerous fatal diseases, you say? And yet, you didn't die? Do you have proof that you ever contracted these diseases?
More likely, these "fatal diseases" were merely your own exaggerations of things like flu, stomach viruses, and the common cold.

Or, y'know, outright lies.

12/17/2007 8:50:21 PM

Septic Sceptic

the demon-possessed trying to tempt me, I was bitten, made sick to vomiting

What exactly were they trying to tempt you with that could be achieved by biting you?

12/18/2007 10:35:07 PM

Mandy

Numerous fatal diseases? I suspect the only disease is in Eloy's mind.

12/18/2007 11:49:10 PM

Heyoka

I get migraines and have been "made sick to vomiting" more times than I want to think about. Calling upon the names of Relpax and Amerge has made all the difference. Demons are helpless in the face of modern medications.

12/19/2007 11:13:42 PM

Enigma32

Whydontyou.org.uk - Do Christians have a different definition of "fatal" then the normal one?

Why not? They have a different definition a dozen different words and counting - Love, Religion, Faith...

4/18/2010 7:29:49 AM
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