Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 33008

To be perfectly honest, the Bible was written by God. It is "scientists" today who don't know about four-legged locusts and hares that chewed their cud; not to mention satyrs, unicorns, behemoths, leviathans, and fowled bats.

AV1611VET, Christiam Forums 80 Comments [12/30/2007 8:31:28 PM]
Fundie Index: 6
Submitted By:
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
solomongrundy

@The Outsider:

Yes, the older texts do have wild goats, but as all true Christians know the KJV is divinely inspired and thus word-perfect.

Anyway, the satyrs in Isaiah 13:21 are described as 'dancing'. When did you last see a dancing goat?

;-)

12/31/2007 5:27:10 PM

GigaGuess

Satyrs are a Greek mythological creature. You have just accidentally worshiped other Gods. Suicide is the only option.

12/31/2007 5:32:28 PM

anti-nonsense

please tell me he's joking, oh wait, this is AV1611VET, never mind.

12/31/2007 5:49:13 PM



@Kristy

yes, but when you have as many fundie points as he does it doesn't make much difference.

12/31/2007 5:52:19 PM

Blayze Kohime

Unicorns? Unicorns?

Has this person even read the Bible?

12/31/2007 6:40:43 PM

King Duncan

Sure. That seems likely.

12/31/2007 7:01:02 PM

solomongrundy

@ Blayze Kohime

Yep, there are lots of unicorns in the KJV too, nine mentions, I think.

12/31/2007 7:14:45 PM

For Whom The Bell Tolls

The bible was written by men who thought they were hearing the voice of god.

12/31/2007 7:43:55 PM

tracer

The Hebrew word translated as "Satyr" in Isaiah 13:21 is sa`iyr.

This same word is translated as "goat" in other verses of the KJV (e.g. Leviticus 4:24).

Interestingly, when used as an adjective, sa`iyr means "hairy".

12/31/2007 7:56:56 PM

Papabear

Wasn't Sammy Sosa caught using a fowled bat?

12/31/2007 9:02:05 PM

TheOutsider

<i>Anyway, the satyrs in Isaiah 13:21 are described as 'dancing'. When did you last see a dancing goat?</i>

Plenty of times!

<img src="http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/691/goatdanceid7ay1.jpg">

12/31/2007 9:17:01 PM

solomongrundy

http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/691/goatdanceid7ay1.jpg

Fortunately, my 'True Christian (R) NetSaintJohnny (TM)' prevented me from viewing what I am sure is a foul exhibition of lustful bestiality. Every True Christian knows that dancing is "a vertical expression of a horizontal intention". By linking to such pictures you are only supplying ammunition to those damned libertarians who who advocate Homo-Caprine 'Marriage' as a 'Fundamental Human Right'.

12/31/2007 9:51:54 PM

Lupine

@anevilmeme: We wish. This guy's famous.

12/31/2007 9:56:30 PM

Illuminatalie

I googled a bit on bible & unicorns, and fundies seem divided on the unicorn issue. One side claims it's a mistranslation (but it doesn't in any way make the KJV less perfect or reliable). The other side basically says, yeah, there MUST have been unicorns (are you saying God can get something WRONG, some very fascinating animals have become extinct since Biblical times.)


"The most important point to remember is that while the Bible writers were inspired and infallible, translations are another thing again. The word used in the Hebrew is (re’em). This has been translated in various languages as monoceros, unicornis, unicorn, einhorn and eenhorn, all of which mean ‘one horn’. However, the word re’em is not known to have such a meaning."
http://www.answersingenesis.org/creation/v14/i2/unicorn.asp


"This character had a shrewd observation about Christians who would recommend changing the unicorn into a wild ox: “…most don't realize that proclaiming unicorns 'silly' inadvertently places direct questions of accuracy on their own Bible"...I do not know, nor does any one else but God, what the unicorn was or is. It was a one horned animal of great strength; it could not be tamed, and it is always used in a good and positive sense in Scripture."
http://www.learnthebible.org/q-a-unicorns-in-the-bible.htm

12/31/2007 10:38:05 PM

John

The Bible doesn't mention unicorns. It mentions the re'em. Nobody knows what the word re'em means, as apparently the word has never been found anywhere else except in the Bible. It was translated into Greek as "monokeros", or "unicorn" in English.

Nothing in the Bible suggests the re'em had one horn. Some point to the line "But my horn shalt thou exalt like [the horn of] an unicorn". They're just playing with words. Exodus 21:19, for example, says "But if the ox were wont to push with his horn in time past ...". Does that mean oxes must also have only one horn?

12/31/2007 11:26:09 PM

solomongrundy

Hmm,
By the miracle of "cut 'n' paste" here's an interesting study of the nature and habits of the Re'em:

Many monsters were created on the Sixth Day, some destroyed during the Flood, some still with us. The re'em is described as a giant even among these strange animals. At any given time, only two exist, one male and one female, because had more of them existed, the world could not support them. No one is certain what the re'em looks like. The sources describe him as fierce, fast, and indomitable. Scholars argue about the number of his horns, some say he has one, like a unicorn or a rhinoceros. Some say two, and he could be related to the giant aurochs (Bos primigenius), a species of a wild ox that became extinct during the sixteenth century. On the other hand, he may be a purely mythological creature, based on the bas-reliefs of the huge Mesopotamian and Egyptian beasts that were unquestionably familiar to the Jews of the Talmudic era.

The re'ems live at the opposite ends of the earth, one in the east, the other in the west, and for seventy years never see each other -- until the day of their mating. Finally they meet, mate once, and then the female kills the male with one bite.

The female becomes pregnant, and her pregnancy lasts for twelve years. During the last year she cannot walk, only role from side to side, and she survives only because her saliva waters the earth around her sufficiently to produce enough vegetation for her support. Instead of giving birth, her stomach bursts open and she dies instantly. However, twins are born, one male and one female. They get up immediately and wander away, one to the east, one to the west.

During the flood, when Noah collected all the animals into the arc, the re'ems came to join the procession. However, because of their giant size, they could not fit into the arc. Yet Noah saved them. One version claims he tied them behind the arc, and they followed it by running and later by swimming. Another version tells that the flood happened just as the young re'ems were born, so they were small enough to fit in the arc.

King David had an encounter with a re'em. When David was still a simple shepherd, he saw a sleeping re'em and thought it was a mountain. He started climbing it, and the re'em woke up and lifted David on his gigantic horns. David vowed that if God saved his life, he would build Him a temple, a building as high as the re'em himself. God heard him and sent a lion. As the lion is the king of the beasts, the re'em bowed to him by prostrating himself on the ground, and David could descend from the horns. Then God sent a deer, and the lion started chasing her. So David was saved from both the lion and the re'em.


Personally, I find it easier to believe in satyrs and unicorns.


12/31/2007 11:55:39 PM

D.R.

Satyrs are from Greek mythology. Is he pagan too?

12/31/2007 11:59:32 PM

Mistlethrush

When I was a kid, I asked for a behemoth for my birthday but my mother said no. She didn't want to wind up cleaning out it's enormous litterbox.

1/6/2008 11:30:23 PM

Grym

Sounds like someone's been playing World of Warcraft too much. OH NOES LVL 15 FOWLED BAT!

1/16/2008 5:32:36 AM

FordJano

AV1611VET you have earned your place in the definition of bibletard.

1/24/2008 2:03:32 AM

Nirjuana


1/27/2008 5:27:27 PM

NERDTARD

Sounds like a game of World of Warcraft. I wonder which dungeon the Leviathan is in, maybe Black Rock Depths? W00t!

1/30/2008 7:48:45 PM

GigaGuess

Provide evidence of these creatures, or prepare to be ridiculed. Mercilessly.

1/30/2008 8:18:15 PM

RaptorJesus

MUDKIPZ!!!!
There were MUDKIPZ!

4/8/2008 12:01:50 PM

Jeff Weskamp

To be fair, I've been told that the word translated as "bird" in the OT just means "flying creature."

That Hebrew word is "'oph," which is derived from the verb "'aph" which means "fly."

The Bible doesn't mention unicorns. It mentions the re'em. Nobody knows what the word re'em means, as apparently the word has never been found anywhere else except in the Bible. It was translated into Greek as "monokeros", or "unicorn" in English. -- John

The word "re'em" does appear in a slightly different form in the Ugaritic language ("r'um"), a language closely related to Biblical Hebrew. It is mentioned in a list of animals sacrified to Baal, along with gazelles, oxen, sheep, etc. Most translators think it probably refered to a species of wild oxen, but no one's totally sure. Of course, maby the ancient Ugaritians DID sacrifice unicorns to Baal.....

4/26/2008 6:34:20 PM
1 2 3 4