My husband bought a used Suburban a few months back. It has an alarm system. Everything is fine for a few months. Then, about 3 weeks ago, the alarm system started going off for no reason. It would run it's course then stop. Sometimes this happens several times a day, then it doesn't happen for a few days. Very odd. If we can figure out how to disconnect the crazy thing, we will. Now if it continues to go off after that, then I'll be really spooked.
But yes, I do believe Satan and his minions are putting in lots of OT these days.
Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!
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My car had trouble starting recently. And after I'd take the key out of the ignition, it'd continue to try to start! DEMONS!
@: OnionsI wish my car was cool enough to have demons. :(
Yeah, owning a crap car that's possessed by demons is far cooler than just owning a crap car ;-)
Wow, demons just don't seem to be trying very hard nowadays.
"You wanna go possess a kid?"
"Naah, let's just fuck with this Suburban's alarm system."
"I'm good with that. I'll buy you a Quizno's after we're done."
"Whoa, dude. There are some things that are too evil even for me."
Next time don't buy a Cheverolet.
Buy a genuine God brand car! Guaranteed to be demon-free!
P.S. The last line in the motto for the nation of Dyslexia.
Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!
Riiiiiiight, he still hasn't fixed your car alarm though, has he?
Am I right in thinking this fucktard has just conflated a broken car alarm (prob battery or connection fault?) with possession by demons?
Does she think Satans minions set off car alarms?
My head spins trying to make some form of sense here...
I'm glad I'm not your f***ing neighbor! That thing would drive me insane. Don't just wait for the problem to right itself, and don't just get on your knees and pray!!!! FIX IT! For the sanity of those who live around you if nothing else!! No, better yet - tell us where you live. We can all break into your car and you would be none the wiser.
Douche baggery!!!!!
Why do fundies automatically assume it's Satan trying to stop them from doing godly things? Why couldn't it be God telling them they're doing something wrong? Fundies always manage to delude themselves into believing that what they want to do is what God wants them to do. Maybe God is punishing her for buying a gas-guzzling 12 mpg 6,000 lb. Suburban. But that alternative would never occur to a holier-than-thou fundie.
I've seen these demons at work -- they resemble teenage boys and the little imps will move, almost invisibly, in the dark of night, up next to an alarmed car owned by an asshole and bump it. Just enough to make the alarm go off.
Or maybe Satan has cursed the electrical system. There's always a logical explanation.
He's prolly sitting on the panic button, or I'm throwing snowballs at your car every time I walk to my friend's house.
*whoosh*
Truly, Satan has found the most confounding way to damn our fine society to a hell on Earth. He has found a punishment unlike any God could have imagined. He has escalated his horrible mischief from plagues, and wars, and famine, and hate. He has brought upong us the damnable horror of occasionally setting off an SUV car alarm!
I shudder to think how we will cope with this near hell on Earth.
Guys, this is apparently (I don't know anything about cars, so I'm just judging from other posts) a GM car, so the real cause of this phantom alarm is obvious: the car is a robot in disguise! You'd better give it some old guy's glasses and get the hell away from it.
Any mechanic is qualified to perform an exorcism.
There's no way around it, you need to sacrifice to Deus In Machina. It takes plastic.
Oh no. I bet your vacuum cleaner fills up and that's the fault of demons,too. And look at how many light bulbs the bastards break each year. And they use up the batteries in your remote controls too, right?
COme back and talk to me when they start spittong pea soup at you!
Her username is BrideOfChrist, and she says her husband bought the car. But I have a hard time believing that Christ has returned, much less that he married this twit -- and an even harder time believing that he would buy a Suburban, used or otherwise. And even if he did, couldn't he just miraculously fix the faulty alarm system? Even if it were demons causing the problem, he could just cast them out, right?
Calling herself "BrideOfChrist" shows right off the bat just how stupefyingly arrogant this woman is -- the post just underscores it a bit, showing that she believes herself personally beseiged by demons infesting her family's car. Pathetic.
Calling herself "BrideOfChrist" shows right off the bat just how stupefyingly arrogant this woman is -- the post just underscores it a bit, showing that she believes herself personally beseiged by demons infesting her family's car. Pathetic.
Lay hands on your Suburban and pray over it.
I assume a Suburban is a car?
Well let me assure you cars need to be exorcised at least once a week. The demon of immobility loves to target them. Then the demon of Gluttony makes sure that they guzzle gas. And there are so many other demons that invest them... It's better to use a bicycle, really.
On a more practical note, the same thing happened to my van. The door latch wasn't adjusted right and the door wasn't closing tight enough. Every time the wind gusted, the door moved a little and set off the alarm. So I went to the local fundamentalist pastor and had him exorcise the door latch demons. Then I had a mechanic tighten the door latch so they wouldn't get back in, and whadaya know - it worked!
So, Satan is essentially a junior-high prankster?
And you fundies are AFRAID of this character?
On a more practical note, the same thing happened to my van. The door latch wasn't adjusted right and the door wasn't closing tight enough. Every time the wind gusted, the door moved a little and set off the alarm. So I went to the local fundamentalist pastor and had him exorcise the door latch demons. Then I had a mechanic tighten the door latch so they wouldn't get back in, and whadaya know - it worked!
On a more practical note, the same thing happened to my van. The door latch wasn't adjusted right and the door wasn't closing tight enough. Every time the wind gusted, the door moved a little and set off the alarm. So I went to the local fundamentalist pastor and had him exorcise the door latch demons. Then I had a mechanic tighten the door latch so they wouldn't get back in, and whadaya know - it worked!
Demons just dumped a foot and a half of snow in my driveway! What is it with these demons, Satan and his minions have been working overtime, with those storms. What was the name of those fundie guys who could turn weather-demons? Moody or something?
Hmm. If this is what he's really like then Satan, like everything else, is way cooler in the movies.
These deities are supposed to be omnipotent and yet the best they can do is dick around with car alarms?
Hmm. If this is what he's really like then Satan, like everything else, is way cooler in the movies.
These deities are supposed to be omnipotent and yet the best they can do is dick around with car alarms?
Were those supposed to be related thoughts? Like, the Old Testiment talks about setting off your car alarms or something?
Also "it's" means IT IS; "its" is the possessive form of "it". You gain 10 retard points every time you make this mistake.
If any son of mine told me that he was gay, I'd have to verify.
I'd ask him if he was willing to put a penis in his mouth. If he said yes, I'd tell him that I better not hear him complain about Momma's cooking.
Let me see if I can follow their reasoning here...
Something odd/wrong/bad/unexplained has happened/is happening, and I don't know for certain what the cause is.
Answer: THE DEBIL DID IT!
Hmmm, yes. Quite logical.
i often find that holy water works quite well with electronic glitches.
i've also stopped using electronic devices to keep the devil out of my home.
Yes, I had this problem with my motorbikes electrics. I took it to the Automobile Associations religious arm: Priests & Demon-Vanquishing R Us, sometimes known as the garage. They replaced a cable, and the demon was gone.
Waiiiiiitaminnit!
I have a Chevy Suburban also, and the other day it stalled on me.
OMMFG, it's the A N T I C H R Y S L E R !!!!123#@!!h1Tl3r!!
So, Satan is stronger than God, as he can make your car beep, and God can not make you understand how to disconnect it?
"If we can figure out how to disconnect the crazy thing, we will. Now if it continues to go off after that, then I'll be really spooked."
Better not watch "Top Gear" on BBC America, then. What messrs. Clarkson, May & Hammond do with cars on that series would make you shit bricks, BrideOfChrist. And especially... it. :
'Some say, that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly like chutney. And that he can only be heard by cats. All we know is... he's called The Stig! '
>:D
Haynes Car Manuals >>>>> The Bible.
The car alarms' sensitivity is set too high. Our car did the same thing, took in it, had it adjusted, and now all is well. I suggest you do the same.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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