[From the same thread as his other recent gold nugget - in response to the mocking comment, "Don't you know that a shield of faith gives us protection against a nuclear strike. Unless the other side is more faithful than us..."]
Maybe you're not that familiar with the Bible. But let's just say that if you understand Scripture, you understand that if you are in GODS favor you don't have much to worry about as far as enemies go.
9/11 doesn't happen if we were not a bunch of "Girls Gone Wild" and singing "Back that A@@ up" while men dance lewdly on a float wearing womens lingerie and throwing condoms into the crowd.
Yes, our shield of faith would be a shield against demonic attacks/ nuclear attacks. God simply would protect us. No man or demon can do anything to you if GOD is your Shield!!! Amen!
Mock if you want, that just means your Biblically illiterate.
71 comments
So, everyone that died in 9/11 were "girls gone wild" and singing immoral songs, etc, etc....?
How about a nice cup of shutthefuckup?
Yes, our shield of faith would be a shield against demonic attacks/ nuclear attacks. God simply would protect us. No man or demon can do anything to you if GOD is your Shield!!! Amen!
Then explain how the USSR could defeat Germany, or how godless North Korea can still exist when Christian U.S.A. decided to defeat it.
Funny that, Norway's got 70% atheists, Sweden 85%, Germany 50%, yet they never got struck with a terrorist attack on the scale of of 9/11, I guess "Allah" is trying to tell you something ;-)
"that just means your Biblically illiterate."
Biblically illiterate is better than functionally illiterate.
Although, there is no cure for stupid.
And how has he "protected" those Amish girls who were killed by a madman?, or the poor Palestinian or the Israeli, or Lebanon, for that matter, who suffer attacks all the time?. Or Thailand or Indonesia or those countries devastated by the Tsunami, complete ethnocentric illiterate?
"OH NOES! TEH NOOCLEER BOMS R FALLING!
And my lifetime of listening to secular music has caused me to forefit any immunity (from ionizing radiation interfering with cell division) that I may have otherwise enjoyed!
Just look at those Christians skipping merrily through the fallout! See the joyous children of the faithful catching particles of gamma radiation on their tongues like snowflakes! Observe too, the religious leaders talking casually about how warm it is today, as they stand unharmed in the ten million degree blast!
Curse you, rap music and pornography! My only regret is that I could not watch you get wiped out in the explosion before my own eyes melted in their sockets!"
Is that how you picture it panning out, Shield?
...you understand that if you are in GODS favor you don't have much to worry about as far as enemies go.
I read that a bit differently. As in, g0d loves watching a bloody good fight between his various believers.
Um, what does 9-11 have to do with "Back that @ss Up"?
Now I've got the two things linked in my mind, and I won't be able to think of anything else, thanks...
"Mock if you want, that just means your Biblically illiterate."
Yes, I'll mock, because you're an illiterate of the regular kind.
Maybe you're not that familiar with the Bible.
Probably a lot more than ShieldofFaith ...
Scripture just says "don't worry about stuff" (lilies of the field, etc.). It doesn't say you won't get roasted in an Al Qaeda terrorist attack if there isn't a bunch of "Girls Gone Wild" and singing "Back that A@@ up" while men dance lewdly on a float wearing womens lingerie and throwing condoms into the crowd. ShieldofFaith just made that part up based on his own stiff-assed moral opinions and tries to con us into believing it was God's idea. Otherwise, how come God didn't protect the early Christians from getting eaten by lions in the Colosseum?
"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron." Judges 1:19
Who's biblically illiterate?
9/11 doesn't happen if we were not a bunch of "Girls Gone Wild" ...
So tell me, ShieldOfFaith, how does a good, upstanding christian like yourself know the names of popular but particularly trashy porn?
(In case anyone retorts by asking me the same question: I'm not an uptight fundie so I don't personally mind about porn; but ShieldOfFaith's supposed to abbhor such sinful things!)
Did'nt God not help the freaking pope when the pope got shot at? What the hell? If he won't come to save the pope then who the hell is he going to save?
And...
One can argue that if the hijackers of the planes on 9/11 were at such girls gone wild parties singing "Back that Ass Up" (Reverse that Donkey) while dancing "lewdly" (how do you do that? I presume crotch thrusting/grabbing features heavily in this?) on floats in lingerie (women's lingerie! Not men's lingerie! The swines!) and hurling prophylactics with gay abandon into the throng. One may argue that they may not have committed the attack if they did this.
Although they probably wouldn't have committed the attacks if they were regular consumers of bacon sandwiches... Coincidence? I think not!!!
"Don't you know that a shield of faith gives us protection against a nuclear strike. Unless the other side is more faithful than us..."
Funny how the part of Nagasaki that was nuked was the Christian community. They thought that their city would never be attacked by America because they were Christian.
Zemyla wrote:
"I looked up shield of faith in the Player's Handbook. It only provides a deflection bonus to AC."
Wasn't it more powerful back in 1st Edition AD&D, though?
(That WAS the latest Edition back when Jack Chick wrote Dark Dungeons , after all.)
Well I know once I fight a few more battles with my Ribbon equipped, This Cursed Shield will Become the Paladin Shield, protecting me form virtually any elemental attack, including (nuclear) FIRE! Muahaha!
@ Septic Sceptic:
If my memory's right, there's a scene just like this (True Believers unharmed by nukes) in one of the later books of Tim LaHaye's Left Behind series...
So yes, he probably does picture it just like this.
lets test this out
ok, so I am a godless heathen who is a staunch believer in evolution, and your a soldier of god. Now what would happen if we met, and I stabbed you in the face. I am sure that with gods protection you would get up and do what your version of Jesus would do. Light me on fire and send me to hell.
I am impressed that you pulled out the win there
9/11 doesn't happen if we were not a bunch of "Girls Gone Wild" and singing "Back that A@@ up" while men dance lewdly on a float wearing womens lingerie and throwing condoms into the crowd.
Verb tenses mean nothing to SoF.
so is god your shield? only i've got a funny feeling that if walked up to you, and you just stood there whilst i attempted to stab you, you may just start bleeding. It's not a threat. Just my own belief, and you're welcome to pop round some time so you can test out your funky new god shield. really! it'll be like an experiment. I'll trust in my knife, you trust in you're god, we'll see who comes out on top yeah?
Dude, what concerts are you going to, where men wear lingere and throw condoms at the audience? I mean, I've been to some parties back in my day, but damn, shield. I don't think I could have hung with you.
"Yes, our shield of faith would be a shield against demonic attacks/ nuclear attacks. God simply would protect us. No man or demon can do anything to you if GOD is your Shield!!! Amen!"
Arm Men...? Okay:
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(Loads Barrett M82A1 of Atheism with .50 cal. Depleted Uranium rounds of Reality. Racks back slide, chambers round *):
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Reality doesn't work that way. BOOM! Headshot!
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"9/11 doesn't happen if we were not a bunch of "Girls Gone Wild" and singing "Back that A@@ up" while men dance lewdly on a float wearing womens lingerie and throwing condoms into the crowd."
Holland. Lowest rates of teen pregnancy in Europe, if not the world. Gay marriage is legal . Legal brothels, and cannabis use tolerated in Amsterdam. Nope, no '9/11' there.
ShitofFart...:
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Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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