Quote# 34056

Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible? I mean come on people!!! Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?

sknyluv, Washington Post discussion 74 Comments [1/24/2008 1:09:17 PM]
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"Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible?"
Why doesn't everyone just give me their money? Come on!

"Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?"
I think the 'tied-to-jesus-in-heaven' nuts are banking on just that.

1/24/2008 1:16:05 PM


Yeah, but sometimes the retrofitted purposes are just as nice.

1/24/2008 1:16:53 PM

Freakin' Bible?, what would Jesus do with his private parts?(nothing, according to tradition). Now go tell why nobody believes in the Bible(wrong!!), stupid troll(if you're going to troll, do it with dignity)

1/24/2008 1:16:57 PM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

Tsk. Obvious Poe. Not worth a comment.

1/24/2008 1:26:35 PM

Carbonated Margarine

Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?

Nope. I dropped off my private parts at Jesus Christ's dry cleaning establishment once, and he used 'em as a bird feeder.

1/24/2008 1:29:20 PM


Except he doesn't really say anything about it, does he?

1/24/2008 1:29:25 PM


Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' Code of Hammurabi? I mean come on people!!! Doesn't Enkidu know better than you what yo do with your oxen?

1/24/2008 1:30:51 PM


*dies laughing*

1/24/2008 1:31:14 PM

El Guapo

I am mostly pretty pleased with the things I find to do with my private parts. I haven't found any better ideas in the bible (well, not the new testament anyway).

1/24/2008 1:31:52 PM


Much as I hate the somewhat self-contradictory term "Obvious Poe" I have to agree with JES on this.

1/24/2008 1:36:11 PM


Gotta be a Poe.

1/24/2008 1:56:47 PM


Sounds like sarcasm to me

1/24/2008 1:57:05 PM

Poe. Poe. Poe.


1/24/2008 1:59:56 PM



1/24/2008 2:02:16 PM

Count Spatula

Has to be a poe.

1/24/2008 2:07:08 PM


Let us be clear: 'freakin'' is a euphemism for 'fucking'. So...we are talking about the fucking Bible! Interesting concept from a dundamentalist christian.

In the second part of the question: doesn't the querant know that Jesus too has private parts and the were on full view when he was born, and when he was nailed to the cross. Let us not forget that the Romans spared nobody's blushes. When crucified you were stark naked, and you performed your bodily functions in front of those gathered around your cross. Private parts just don';t come into the equation.

1/24/2008 2:15:25 PM


Now that I've had my morning coffee, I'd say this is likely to be poe. But for those who think this HAS to be a poe. Maybe you've never talked to fundies who are adamant that you don't own your own body (it's God's body and you have the privilege to live in it, but you better not defile it) They often put things in this way ('what to do with your own private parts') just to be confrontational, so they can berate your for you lack of faith in the KJV.

1/24/2008 2:21:24 PM

Mister Spak

Why do you fundies believe anything in the freaking bible? I mean come on people!! PI=3? Universe is 6000 years old? Don't you trust your own eyes more than a 7000 year old Sumerian myth?

1/24/2008 2:35:33 PM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

@ Illuminatalie - Yes, I know real fundies think one's body, naughty bits and all, belong to god. I also know real fundies don't refer to their bible as "freakin'" (nor do they write it with a lowercase "b" as is common among us heathens). I also know enough about linguistics to interpret the use of "your own private parts" as sarcasm.

I've been fooled by Poes before, but this one wasn't trying all that hard.

1/24/2008 3:08:55 PM


*opens up the NT* Hm... nope, apparently not. Jesus never mentions sex at all, from what I'm reading.

1/24/2008 3:13:15 PM


Heh, do YOU?

1/24/2008 3:15:47 PM

Septic Sceptic

Poe or not, this made me laugh. Makes me picture Jesus as some sort of genitalia guru, dispensing advice on shaving, hygiene, and underwear. Though Jesus would have been circumsised I suppose, so any really hardcore Christian could follow that example.

As long as they do it biblically, i.e, with a sharpened stone.

EDIT: Oh, and they would have to be male. Sorry ladies, but hacking bits off the genitals by choice is a privilage only men are allowed.

1/24/2008 3:24:21 PM

Hellbound Alleee

"Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?"

I need to tell SOMEBODY. Jesus....has been....touch...Oh, Jeez, I'm so ashamed. Jesus has been touching my private parts.

1/24/2008 3:31:24 PM

Hellbound Alleee

Yeah, christians don't believe in the bible, either. None of them know anything that's in it besides that gays are bad, women are servants, and John 3:16.

1/24/2008 3:32:34 PM


I would, but Jesus has never come up to me in person and told me what to do with "myself"

If he does, I'll call and tell you all about it.

1/24/2008 3:35:29 PM

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