Hey be glad I'm not Pope, if I were, I'd call for a general crusade and then when we'd won, I'd ban Mormonism, and JWism, burn down their meeting halls and execute their leaders
78 comments
It's a good thing no one has ever ever said the same thing about Catholicism, huh?
What? You mean people have? Then never mind.
That kind of thinking is one reason the papal states were reduced from a kingdom to a city.
Bring on your crusade. I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing the Vatican wiped off the map.
Do any of you guys think this crap through? Exactly how would you go about accomplishing something like this. General crusade? By whom? "When we'd won..." Won what?
You do realize the Vatican does not have an army and megalomaniacs like yourself who DID have armies were unable to take over the entire world and impose their will on it, don't you?
And the attempt to destroy religions with which you disagree...well, that's been tried before---and by adherents to the Catholic faith, no less---and the result was a dismal and humiliating failure.
Do you pompous loudmouths have even the foggiest notion of how to think? Apparently not, because it took me less than 60 seconds to see a half dozen flaws in your bombast.
I'd call you a moron, but that would an insult to morons everywhere.
Oh, in other words, you want to declare a Jihad.
Are you *sure* you're a Christian?
~David D.G.
Long, long ago I used to think that (although I disagreed with just about everything he said) the Pope needed to be an intelligent and astute politician and executive to rise to the top of the Catholic tree.
Then along came Ronald Reagan, and I realized that most socio-religio-political figureheads actually have no real power and can be as dumb as fuck as long as they're charismatic and easily manipulated.
Guess that was when I lost my innocence.
Eeeek, that sounds like CTSTDT quote ;-)
How absolutely Christ like of you.
Se now, the Pope has the direct line to God. Since you don't have a direct line (obvious in your hatred), then you can't be Pope.
What the hell happened to this God of Love I hear so much about? Or am I confusing your god with Eros?
Edit:
DAVID D.G. FTW!!
What if you lost?
Considering that the Pope does not have an army and is not ruler of a country that has one, how would you persuade Catholics to even bother to enlist?
You're not only clueless about modern geopolitics but a dumbass, to boot.
As a Sunday School teacher turned atheist I do believe there's something in the Bible about knowing the followers of Christ by their fruits.
Let's see, did Jesus ever:
1) advocate war?
2) advocate a ban on thought?
3) burn down an opposing house of worship?
4) execute a (see the following list)
a) Pharisee
b) Zealot
c) Roman soldier
d) Roman governor
e) priest
f) rabbi
g) religious leader of ANY faith
No? Oh, then I guess you're not very Christ-like. No wonder He won't let you be Pope.
Try again. Fundies lose wars. Prepare for the war crimes tribunal, 'cos you're going down, at best, Eichmann style, you fucktard.
I wouldn't ban Moronism exactly, but if I had the power to do so, I'd make all their young women take self-esteem courses, letting them know 1) they are not chattel, 2) they have the right to not marry and/or not have children, and 3) they are more than the sum of their reproductive parts.
With the Jehovah's Witnesses, I'd make it where they could not refuse live-saving blood transfusions on behalf of a child or spouse.
But that's me. ;)
@ Old Viking "Popes can be tough."
Actually, they should tenderize nicely if boiled long enough with some dry white wine and a few well-chosen herbs. But to be sure, first you should beat them soundly with a tenderizing hammer...the steel kind.
"Hey be glad I'm not Pope, if I were, I'd call for a general crusade and then when we'd won, I'd ban Mormonism, and JWism, burn down their meeting halls and execute their leaders"
Sounds like the attitude of most Popes until recently. I think you'd fit in quite nicely.
Yeah, because that last set of crusades went really, really well for your lot, didn't it? Oh wait... no it didn't!
But seriously, go for it, call a crusade... I'm sure the king of France and the emperor of Germany are just gagging to save their immortal souls from an eternity of fire and brimstone by sending their peasants against the forces of Mormonism... oh hold on... they don't do feudalism in Europe anymore? Well... looks like you and the Swiss Guard have to go it alone then. Good luck.
It wouldn't be long before someone(s) executed you and burned down your meeting halls.
Then again, the chances of your becoming Pope are essentially zero, so I'm not concerned.
Won't work Mschrank. The world is too enlightened, and too many people are listening to their own morality. Why do you think there are pro-choice Catholics when the Vatican takes the polar opposite view? Because they're making their own ethical decisions.
If any Pope got up on his balcony and started calling for Catholics to commit genocide and mass murder, he'd be laughed out of his position. Maybe you would whip out a shotgun and drag your twisted buddies off on a good ol' fashioned pogrom, but I can assure you, the psychosis stop at the edge of your skull. Civilised people do not work that way.
Hey look everybody, it's the reincarnation of Emporer Constantine!
I guess Buddha was right after all!
The only remotely military force available to the pope is the Pontifical Swiss Guard. I don't know how numerous they are, but the entire population of Vatican City is only about 900, so I'd expect them to number no more than 100 at the very most. And you know what the Pontifical Swiss Guard carry for weaponry? PIKES.
You think you'd essentially take over the modern world with, at most, a few dozen sartorially challenged guys carrying polearms? Even a hypercranial laboratory mouse could come up with a better plan than that!
~David D.G.
It takes a hell of a lot of effort to be more of a fascist asshole than the current pope, on account of that Real Live Nazi (TM) thing he's got going on and all. But somehow you did it, mschrank. Congrats, I guess.
And there is much nicer ways to handle Mormons. I know someone who invited them in, and while his wife kept them chatting, nipped outside and cut their bicycles in half with a blow-torch.
They never came back to the neighbourhood again.
Answering the door stark naked, holding a broadsword, and bellowing back down the hall 'Honey, the sacrifices have arrived!' is also good for getting rid of door-knocking pests.
God, sometimes relly, really often my fellow Catholics make me want to bang my head against a brick wall. This reminds me of a quote from someone: "If we're supposed to be the body of Christ, someone's got to be the arsehole." It's sad but true.
Jesus wrote:
"I don't remember telling you to kill people."
I do:
"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her motherinlaw a man's enemies will be the members of his own household."
-- Matthew 10:34-36
Hey be glad I'm not God, if I were, I'd call for a general crusade and then when we'd won, I'd ban catholism, and christianity, burn down their meeting halls and execute their leaders.
Oh wait! I AM GOD!
It'd actually be cool if you were the Pope, because If you were to do all that, it would cause the overwhelming majority of Christians to leave their denomination. Only a small group of fundie extremists would be left and if they as much as lifted a finger at the rest of us they would be wiped out of existence!
While the Swiss guard do have a pretty gnarly reputation, (and do have access to modern automatic firearms), I would be seriously suprised if they succesfully managed to fight their way across the Tiber nevermind all the way to Utah.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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