Can anyone recommend a Travel agency that specializing in Christian Travel? My wife and I would like to take a vacation this Spring with other Christians.
A Christian Cruise with an end-times theme/preaching would be ideal.
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Are you SURE you want someone to preach the end times while adrift on your floating asylum? That motherfucker could sink and take all of you with it--
Hey, wait a second. I love that idea! Load 'em up!
What a relaxing vacation - listening to preaching about the end of the world, seminars on where to leave instructions for those left to take care of your property, toning exercise classes for those embarrassed to meet Jesus naked in their current condition, and lots of mutual back-patting. By the end of the cruise, doctrinal differences will have become apparent and half the passengers will have angrily assured the other half that they will be left behind.
The Love Boat, this ain't.
Y'know, maybe there's a market for a cruise with this sort of focus. If so, I'm sure some cruise line will be found to provide it. I've heard of some other themes that sounded almost as strange.
But, frankly, I think it's a pretty darned morbid concept for a vacation.
Why yes, sir, climb aboard the HMS Not Gonna Happen.
That isn't a holiday, it's a shitfest, and I think even some Christians can agree.
What a bizarre concept. Relax on a yacht and listen to lectures on inevitable horrible tortures and killings, and everything that's wrong with the world in general. With a calypso band playing respectfully in the background. I'm picturing the Queen Mary airbrushed with pictures of rivers of blood, flames, and devils holding atheists aloft in their pitchforks.
There are Christian tour companies, and they seem to do a big business taking people on tours of D.C. One company has its buses emblazoned with "We walk by faith, not by sight." When I see that on an enormous vehicle in the next lane on a crowded downtown street, I find that less comforting than they seem to think.
There was a documentary in the UK on bbc about this sort of thing a month ago - a package holiday for people who wanted to see the holy lands, because the final battle would be there, but they wouldn't get to see it having been raptured (or at least along those lines) - they were nearly all certain it was just around the corner, and looking foward to it.
I heard somewhere that the end-times theme by the White Star Line was spectacular; very life like. As a matter of fact people are STILL talking about the one held on April 14, 1912. I can't for the life of me remember what ship it was on. Maybe it'll come to me after I have a Tylenol. I have a titanic headache, don't cha know.
Anyone needing to replace their Sarcastatron 9000 after reading this post can send the smoldering remains of their current one to....
I believe there's some righteously good bus tours organized by some very devout Christians.
You even get to picket funerals, how cool's that?
You know...I just realized I could make a killing if I started advertising Christian Travel.
Think about it for a second. You set up Christian themed cruises, Christian getaways, Christian trips to Disney World (along with a list of rides that might not be so safe to visit...), etc., etc. I could hire preachers for the trips. This could really take off. I mean as an atheist I'd be behind this only for the money involved. But imagine getting out early and cornering the market on this shit. These people are batshit insane anyway. It can't be too hard to get them to part with their cash.
You could always charter a boat and take it over Niagara Falls, pretending that the earth has opened up to swallow everything.
[Where's that picture of the fail-boat when you need it?]
Welcome to Rapture Recreations! The only travel agent that caters for your need to have thoughts of the utter destruction of the planet constantly on your mind while you relax!
Book a cruise with us now and you could soon be enjoying our apocalypse-themed ship, featuring;
- Several end-times preachers giving enthralling sermons such as "The Anti-Christ: Could he come to us the guise of a fabric softener?" and answering important questions like "Could you bring a pet to Heaven if you swallowed it whole before the Rapture hits?"
- An exciting new feature for 2008- a children's matinee called "Martyrs" designed to educate the little ones on the Christians who will inevitably be mass slaughtered by the Anti Christ's One World Government. Starring Mel Gibson as Gorehound the Genocidal UN General.(NOTE- Due to the large amount of stage blood used during the performance, parents are advised not to dress children in the front row in their best clothes.)
- Get a taste of the Rapture every morning with a Celestial Trumpet Alarm Calltm . So realistic, you'd swear the second coming was upon us! Disclaimer- Staff can accept no responsibility for loss of sleep caused in the event of the actual rapture occuring.
- Should the Rapture really happen, an authentic Evil Unsaved Gay Islamic Atheist is stationed on every deck carrying a video camera. Record a smug "told you so" message for your unsaved relatives as you ascend to paradise!
Believe it or not, Googling "christian travel" revelation got 1,280 hits! Of course, Googling "sex travel" got 322,000 and "gay travel" got 1,580,000 ...
PS: m52nickerson & Septic Sceptic are my new heroes.
PSS: Damn my internet for signing me out so that I can't edit!
PSSS: ...Cheetheburgerth.... That will be all.
So charter a leaky hulk...
By day 5 the populaton should be noticably smaller
I followed one of the links a reply on that thread pointed to: Sailabration Bible Cruise (http://www.templetontours.com/TTIITM.HTML ).
"Enjoy a five night Christian cruise to Bahamas aboard the m/s Celebration. The entire ship has been chartered for friends of In Touch Ministries. The casino is converted into a Christian bookstore, the bars are serving non-alcoholic drinks, and the ship's entertainers are replaced by Christian entertainers and speakers. Dr. Charles Stanley, speaker on the IN TOUCH radio and TV broadcasts and pastor of the First Baptist Church of Atlanta, GA, will be your onboard host for the entire cruise.
Just imagine, five nights aboard a luxurious ocean liner, listening to inspiring teaching of the Word and uplifting Gospel Music. Gone are the party crowds and the "Vegas" style shows. We have replaced them with Christian speakers, entertainers, singers, and comedians. The casino is converted into a Christian Bookstore, and smoking is prohibited in all public areas."
Sounds like a helluva party they have going there!
Can anyone recommend a Travel agency that specializing in Christian Travel?
Do not acquire gold, or silver, or copper for your money belts, or a bag for your journey, or even two coats, or sandals, or a staff; for the worker is worthy of his support. And whatever city or village you enter, inquire who is worthy in it, and stay at his house until you leave that city. As you enter the house, give it your greeting. If the house is worthy, give it your blessing of peace. But if it is not worthy, take back your blessing of peace. Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet.
Matthew 10
Can anyone recommend a Travel agency that specializing in Satanic Travel? My wife and I would like to take a vacation this Spring with other devil worshippers.
A Satanic Cruise with a goat sacrifice theme/blood drinking would be ideal.
Teehee.
A cruise on a giant wooden barge with one window in it. They get 5 small loaves of barley bread and 2 fish to feed all of them. And water they may turn into wine if they can manage it. The boat takes them to scenic Iraq, where they can participate in the good works of their God-installed missing link in the White House; battling the adversarial brown people, that have our oil.
I'm reminded of Mrs Doyle's Lenten pilgrimage:
Father Ted: Bye now. Have fun.
Mrs Doyle: Oh, I wouldn't be wanting any fun now Father. I want a good miserable time, keep me on the straight and narrow.
Welcome to Rapture Tours, the all-new, all-Christian holiday company. This week we're running a special two-for-one deal on our 'Mysterious Ways' coach trip.
This divinely inspired outing will take everyone on board to a surprise mystery location, including the driver! Yes, that's right, not even the driver will know - or look - where he's going. After all, God will provide!
And talking of providing, wherever you end up - be it a potter's field or in the wilderness - you'll give thanks to God to learn that a sumptuous meal is included as part of the deal. Based on a full party of 100 vacationers, you'll be provided 2 slices of bread and 4% of a fish to divide between you. More than enough for any true believer in the gospels. But remember, though a generous portion of water is provided to each traveller, please do not let the driver have any; after all, he is the designated driver, and you never know?!
"A Christian Cruise with an end-times theme/preaching would be ideal."
The ship won't need lifeboats because you will all be raptured before the cruise is over.
But if the christian cruise ship encounters a muslim cruise ship you'll all play crusaders and mujahideen.
I don't know if there is such an agency(their obsession, despite Jesus's profile, to alienate themselves of the world), I have a recommendation to you. Pick any cruise to Israel, Egypt or any significatively touristy place which is prominent for religious reasons. Pick a group of Christian friends with you and hire a pastor who, in an enclosed place, not to bother the rest of the non-Christian guys, preach as much as you want to. And of course, hold the laugh when you preach about the end of the times..................having holidays instead of preparing for the moment(sorry, now it's me who's laughing)
Worst. Vacation. EVER!
I'd go camping anyday...
You want to get on a ship and then feel like the world is going to end...
Here is what you do.
You travel on the cheapest ticket.
This will ensure you have a hangover and some sort of stomach bug along with the movement of the ocean... This will make you wish you were dead.
I'm reminded of a film called "The Immigrants," about devout Norweigans sailing to the U.S. a century ago. When a storm blew up, the good Christians started throwing "sinners" overboard to convince Gawd to make it stop.
Might history repeat itself? Or would the RaptureRetards throw themselves overboard to convince Gawd they love him the bestest?
Sorry, you missed the Titanic by about 98 years.
If I found myself on a cruise like that I'd sink the fucking ship myself, just to escape.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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