Unknown author #fundie

Unknown author #fundie truth4teens.org

Dear Teenager, God has never intended for you to engage in sex before marriage. He has a plan for your life. He has a spouse for you. He has a undefiled marriage bed awaiting for you that will be grander than any Hollywood movie could portray. Hollywood is a lie! Your peers don't know what they are talking about. A teenager who engages in sex before marriage always ends up feeling empty about it. Wishes they never had done it! Even the ones who brag and speak well of it now, they actually are feeling empty and dirty.

68 comments

old comment by xplicit_UK

Bollocks! If anything I wish I'd've had more sex when I was a teenager. Seriously... you're young, fit, inventive, carefree, full of hormones and confidence, the world's full of amazing experiences and emotions, you're able to go on all night... having sex as a teenager is awesome.*

Empty and dirty? Perhaps, but who cares? Sex isn't always supposed to be deep and meaningful... sheesh.

*Disclaimer for our younger readers: Always use protection, make sure any sexual intercourse is consensual, be aware of the legal age restrictions in your jurisdiction, mkay? Also, introducing fruit and whipped cream isn't all it's cracked up to be (although your mileage may vary).

old comment by tmr

And you know what every teenager feels? Um, if that is the case, you should be standing on a pedestal because you have cracked the biggest mystery of every life - teenage emotions! Way to go.

If, however, you don't actually have personal knowledge of what all teenagers are feeling, you may want to turn your examination inward and find out why, exactly, you feel so negative about sex. Find your issue and deal with it. Do not project it onto the teenagers of the world. They have enough to deal with with growing up and all.

Knowing if you are sexually compatible is, for most normal people, pretty necessary. If I had waited until I was married to my first before he became my first, I can tell you this - I'd be one frigid bitch because the man was incapable of sharing the experience. I'd probably be as unhappy and miserable as you.

That's no way to live.

old comment by clockworkgirl21

"Dear Teenager"

You don't care enough to put my actual name? I can tell already this is going to be great.

"God has never intended for you to engage in sex before marriage"

But MY imaginary god, Chachuto did.

"He has a plan for your life. He has a spouse for you. He has a undefiled marriage bed awaiting for you that will be grander than any Hollywood movie could portray."

What if I want to have sex on a couch?

"Hollywood is a lie!"

The entire city of Hollywood is a lie?

"Your peers don't know what they are talking about. A teenager who engages in sex before marriage always ends up feeling empty about it."

I had sex at 16 with someone I don't even talk to anymore, yet I don't feel empty.

"Wishes they never had done it! Even the ones who brag and speak well of it now, they actually are feeling empty and dirty."

I don't wish I'd never done it. It was awesome!

old comment by Septic Sceptic

Ah, can't you just picture it? The pristine honeymoon suite, with the dimmed lights falling romantically on the four poster bed and the single rose sitting upon the pillow. Enter the newlyweds, the blushing bride and the joyous groom. In a frenzy of excitment tinged with delicious apprehension, they rush to the bed and begin the experiencing the most beautiful and pure lovemaking it is possible for two people to know:

"Ah my dear, tonight we say goodbye to chastity! If I could just... get this thing... undone..."

"It's a clasp, you have to push the- no the other way."

"Like this?"

"No, it turns- never mind, i'll get it, i'll get it."

"Sorry."

"It's ok."

Before long, our young lovers are ready for the consumation of their union.

"Erm, darling? I can't seem to find your... well, you know."

"I still have my panties on."

"Oh right. I didn't know."

"...there. Now let us celebrate our God-blessed union by- ow ow OW!"

"Sorry. Is that how it's meant to go?"

"I think so. I got abstainence-only sex ed, they didn't say much about this sort of stuff."

"Well i'll keep going, and you tell me if you start feeling pregnant."

"Ok."

...

"Darling, why have you stopped? I don't feel fertillised yet."

"Zzzz... zzzz..."

old comment by antichrist

But the sex that leaves you feeling empty and dirty is the best sex of all. But that level takes practice.

What if God doesn't have a spouse for you? How many people over 40 are wandering around unmarried? And yes I know good Christian 40 year old virgins (so they claim). They're miserable fucking busy bodies, who get into everyone else's business........

Oh wait, is that you?

Really, if God's so against sex, why did he give us a sex drive? Why not like dogs, where there's no interest unless they're in heat? Why not like fish where a woman lays her eggs and the man fertilizes it on a bed of rocks?

Oh that's right, he's a sadistic bastard.

On a personal note, my uncle was born 5 months premature and in perfect health in 1918 PRAISE GOD!! Either that, or my Grandparents had a rush marriage. Guess which one is true.

Unknown author #fundie truth4teens.org

68 comments

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