Dear, the Rapture will happen so fast, you won't have time to be afraid!!!! I live in anticipation of it all the time. Even when I'm at rest and the moon seems to shine brighter through my curtain, I wonder, can this be it??? I heard a large truck rumbbling down the road the other day, and thought, is the ground opening to allow our loved ones' remains to arise?? Oh, isn't it wonderful to live in such joyful anticipation!!
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If it happens too fast to be afraid, shouldn't it also happen too fast to wonder whether it's happening?
Sounds like you're hallucinating anyway. Maybe you should get some medication, if every damn thing makes you go "Is this it??".
Dear, the Rapture won't happen at all. Read your Big Book o' Fairy Tales and see if you can find it anywhere!
You know, this violates at least two commandments...you are worshipping something that doesn't exist (in addition to your god) and you are telling lies.
And since you are totally unrepentant, the only thing you're gonna get at Armageddon is a one way ticket to your own hell.
So, the dead will come back to life as you and your kind are taken? I don't get it.
What a waste of the life you were given, by your god or not.
"Oh, isn't it wonderful to live in such joyful anticipation!!"
Your mind and body will eventually wear down to nothing from such constant anticipation.
@szena, @Vampirehummingbird:
I'm going to go buy some firecrackers and maybe get a remote water valve / electrical relay that will cut off her utilities for effect.
@ Vampirehummingbird:
The best thing is, you could do it every hour, on the hour, every single night of the year, and she would never learn. Just keep runnning in and out of her house, whooping her head off at the imminant Rapture. If it ever starts getting old, just leave a few tripping hazards outside her front door.
The
The Rapture is not mainline Christianity. It never has been over almost 2000 years. It's a heresy dating from the 1830s. Get used to the idea and see if real Christians will take you in, if you promise to give up your wrong belief.
I personally prefer to get a "joyful erection", but each to his or her own..
Too bad this person will never realize the rapture was invented in the 1800's and is nothing but a fantasy used to scam people out of their money.
What a waste of a life...spending all of your time and effort anticipating something that will not occur in the manner that you are expecting, in the time frame where you could witness it, or even at all...
Poor thing. Doesn't realize how foolish this whole thing is.
"I heard a large truck rumbbling down the road the other day, and thought, is the ground opening to allow our loved ones' remains to arise?? Oh, isn't it wonderful to live in such joyful anticipation!!"
"Has the Rapture come?!"
"No, mom, it's just a truck!"
"Is this the Rapture now?!"
"No, it's not the Rapture!"
"Is it Rapture yet?!"
"No!"
"Is it..."
"No!!"
"..."
"NO!!!"
Shit, we've got some overloaded trucks around here, but none that make me think that it's the second coming.
Maybe you should report those trucks, there's weight restrictions for a reason.
Oh, isn't it wonderful to live in such joyful anticipation!!
Yes, isn't it?! There's Jesus, hiding behind a comet waiting to take our souls as soon as we add -ody to our names and drink the vodka.
Reading this comment, and then seeing the poster's handle "Run2Jesus," I started hearing the music from Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills."
"Ruuunn toooo Jeeeesus.....
Hate to tell you Runs but that large truck you heard actually was the rapture. God decided that he didn't want any self-righteous, self-picked, arrogant jerks cluttering up his place so left all you uncharitable assholes and took the people who really "loved their neighbors as themselves" and really acted Christ-like in their giving. Sorry you death-worshippers at Rapture Ready didn't make the cut. Have a nice eternity.
@Neal, Ken1971, Septic Skeptic, Old Viking
This might be a profitable non-reality TV show...
My idea is: If you freaking hate it so much where you live, either try to make it a nicer place or, hey, move.
I'd like to find a small town with a large amount of Rapture Ready type folks in it and hack the cable signal with a fake news report about how millions of True Christians TM have suddenly vanished all over the world, just to see the looks on their faces when the think their beloved jeebus has left them behind....
Fun Stuff!
-N
You know, just yesterday I was reading a thread on Rapture Ready on how we here at FSTDT make fun of them.
http://www.rr-bb.com/search.php?searchid=459028
Joyful anticipation over that? That's one of the more terrifying things I can think of. I suppose when you meet Jesus and he says, "man, I read that; you are fucked up ", then you'll realize.
"Ron, we actually have our son buried in our back yard! We just couldn't bear to have his remains out there all alone. Since we live out in the county and have no restrictions, we were told by the mortuary folks it was okay. So now I will be able to witness my own son rising ahead of us!!!" -run2jesus
Wow.
Ya know, this is actually somewhat of an improvement over the usual, suicidally depressing RR types. Still sad, but an improvement!
@nfp:
BEST RESPONSE EVER.
is the ground opening to allow our loved ones' remains to arise?? Oh, isn't it wonderful to live in such joyful anticipation!!
Wanna borrow my BUFFY collection? Same thing happens there.
"Oh, isn't it wonderful to live in such joyful anticipation!!"
Jesus Christ, how fucked up do you have to be to look FORWARD to the Apocalypse?
@Sinisterwing:
@Vampirehummingbird and Giveitaday:
"And on Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin will rise out of the pumpkin patch and bring toys and candy to all the good little boys and girls!"
Your waiting for the rapture is kinda like that.
Also, have you ever heard the name Godot?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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