The world is lucky that I am not God. I would not be gracious at all. I would start everyone out with a time out in hell just so all would know not to disrespect me.
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Oh, you must be loads of fun to live with.
You are lucky that I am not your wife. I would not be gracious at all. The first time you laid a hand on me or my kids, I would pick you up with my left hand and beat you to a bloody pulp with my right hand, just so you would know not to disrespect me.
My son-in-law, who once (and only once) hit my daughter, is not afraid of me without reason.
Well that'd be significantly better than the current fuckasscuntGod you think exists, who has a tiny test and an eternity in hell, instead of a little torture and then a reward...
Fortunately for the universe your pathetic, pitiful, barbaric tyrant of a fuckasscuntGod is but a feeble figment of a collective deranged imagination.
"The world is lucky that I am not God. I would not be gracious at all. I would start everyone out with a time out in hell just so all would know not to disrespect me."
That's because you're a sad, inadequate little man. We pity you, but fuck off anyway.
Oh. Not much of a change, then.
Well, other than I'd get to say you don't exist. Alas.
What, because you're too fucking sensitive to think that people might have a different opinion on you?
Yeah, I'm glad you're not a god.
The world is unlucky that I am not God. I would create a beautiful world where all living things could enjoy long happy lives in peace and good health.
Of course, that's only what any decent person, or god, would do.
The world is lucky that I'm not God too, because I'd be a dick. It would be just like when I play the Sims or Sim City. I'd trap everyone in the pool and let them drown and shit. It would be awesome. And then I'd steamroll them with natural disasters, because I could.
Yeah, we are all damn lucky you aren't god.
You are, however, self appointed judge and jury and that's the most dangerous kind of person.
Disrespect me and I'll blow your nuts off. Forget time in hell; that's too good for arrogant, asinine people like you. I'd make you walk this earth forever, reproductive organ free.
That would be your hell.
Dear Mike,
I fucked your mother.
love
DW
However, the world is unfortunate that I am not god. I'd remove the desire to do anything evil from the hearts of men, I'd end sickness and famine...
You'd still get to die eventually though.
EDIT: Come to think of it, maybe I'd leave sickness and hunger, as obstacles for mortals to overcome...
Bah. We'll see when I get there...
@Ranger Joe:
Joe, I am the nicest little old lady you would ever want to meet...until somebody f**ks with my family, and then all bets are off. When my daughter rocked up at my front door with a bruise on her face, that's what I told him: if you ever touch her in any thing but love, I'll pick your skinny ass up with my left hand and beat you to a bloody pulp with my left. It's been 15 years and apparently he has found other ways to resolve conflicts with her.
Guess I wouldn't make a very good Christian, would I?
I'm thinking of how many people in this world would classify their childhood as "Hell."
Anyway, if your god showed everyone hell, then we'd at least have proof of his existence, wouldn't we.
You would start what out with a time in Hell? An embryo? A sperm?
What a joyful existence that would be, growing up with a "pre-life" memory of Hell, and knowing you had to stay in line and keep the grin fixed on your face, or you'd go back there. Like that Simpsons episode where Bart has psychic powers.
No, you wouldn't. I know all fundies have been trained to say this, and then pretend that anyone in BibleGod's position would be totally merciless, just so they can excuse BibleGod's lack of mercy. I don't buy it. Anyone in God's position would do a better job, you included.
So, what? Get your ass kicked in World of Warcraft today?
Another girl reject you? Mom yell at you to clean your basement room and finally get a job?
The possibilities are infinite.
Mike, Jesus just called and requested that you change to another religion. He said that it's hard enough to convince people that he is the Prince of Peace and God of Love without jerks like you claiming to follow him but contradicting everything he preached.PS He wanted to know what the heck is a rapture? He said it wasn't in anything he or his Father taught!
Did a bird poop on your head? Did a small child pwn you in nuts? Did your boss belittle you in front of coworkers (because you overcooked the fries again)?
Sweet Jeebus H, it could really be anything...
DaMan wrote:
"Enjoy your b&, Mike."
Enjoy your band?
Xotan wrote:
"It also goes against the Bibles portrayal of God as Merciful."
Are we reading the same Bible, Xotan?
This is the God that ordered Joshua to kill every man, woman, and child in Jericho, for the hienous crime of happening to live there when the Israelites arrived.
More blood for the blood god! More skulls for the skull throne!
And there would be people like me who would refuse to worship you, just because you wouldn't deserve it.
Don't worry.
Any "God" so childish, so dumb, so idiotic as you, "Mike", would NEVER be able to perform such incredible overwhelming acts like creating universes.
"I would start everyone out with a time out in hell just so all would know not to disrespect me."
No, the result of everyone doing time in hell would be that everyone would disrespect you.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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