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Quote# 36704

You may be a fundy atheist if....


25. You claim that evolution and the big bang are two entirely separate theories that explain different aspects of the universe, yet, in what school of learning can you find any real separation or distinction between the two?
31. You think that humans are products of chance but when it comes to human reason we can believe in logic! (Think about it !)
48. You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.
60. You insist that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", then claim that Jesus never existed.
78. You refuse to use the word "excruciating" because of its origins in describing the agonies of crucifixion. (ex crucis - "from the cross")
123. You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell...despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either
157. You think God was cruel for killing all of those innocent babies in the flood, and that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to abort her baby
162. You spell America "AermiKKKa" and Christian "KKKristian
168. You have not seen "The Passion of the Christ," and you don’t know anyone who has seen it
180. You become upset when a Christian says that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally.
210. You insist on capitalizing "atheist"
264. You think eating bread and drinking wine is cannibalism
281. Last of all -- you write this website a letter which includes a rebuttal to the above listing!

Unnamed comic genius., Tektonics 83 Comments [3/25/2008 9:14:50 PM]
Fundie Index: 11
Submitted By: Frank
WTF?! || meh
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Nibien

I can only hope this is a poe.

3/25/2008 9:19:13 PM

Doctor Whom

25. For starters, every one that I've attended.
48. Nonlife != death.
60. What's so extraordinary about that claim?
180. I become annoyed when Christians say that those parts of the Bible that are inconvenient to them should not be taken literally. There's a difference.
The rest are standard staw men.

3/25/2008 9:23:29 PM

yarps

Wow. That first one alone. I mean, I know some physicists take the position that all the other sciences are just applied physics, but they are usually joking!

3/25/2008 9:31:00 PM

Antichrist

Somebody has a shit load of time on his hands to come up with this list.

1. Stay unnamed, your not funny
2. Remember idle hands are the devils tools (don't think that's biblical, but it's good advice anyway)
3. most of your arguments are utter bullshit.

3/25/2008 9:34:03 PM

Quinone

"78. You refuse to use the word "excruciating" because of its origins in describing the agonies of crucifixion. (ex crucis - "from the cross")"

I now have an excruciating headache.

3/25/2008 9:34:21 PM

Grand Archblasphemer of York

25. Astrophysics and biology are being taught in the same course now? Sign me up!
31. Wait...what? Logic is just based upon observations of how correct arguments can be made pertaining to our observable world, and this was generalized into a few rules for rational discourse. So...what does that have to do with human origins?
48. I don't "absolutely believe" anything. But, comparing the idea of something coming into life versus something coming BACK to life...I'll go with the first one everytime.
60. We also claim that "you can't prove a negative".
78. Oh no, we don't use the word "excruciating"! As if Jesus was the only one to be crucified, or that avoiding the word "excruciating" requires some sort of conscious effort, rather than it just being a word that is used rarely, due to a vast number of synonyms.
123. That obviously doesn't stop people from being afraid, now does it? (e.g. the Boogeyman, horror movie monsters, witches, aliens, Zionist conspiracies, etc.).
157. So...does that mean that, since baby killing is good enough for God, it's good enough for us? You have single-handedly resolved the abortion debate! Bravo.
162. You are a regular fundie if you spell those phrases as "Amurica" and "CHRISTIAN!!!" respectively.
168. And here I thought that I didn't go to see the movie because I have good taste, and did not want to watch a two hour long Bible story, with BDSM overtones.
180. Especially when they only take it literally when it suits their argument...(e.g. homophobia).
210. No. No we don't.
264. Mirror, mirror...
281. ....crap....

3/25/2008 9:34:21 PM

nfp

Notes on making good comedy:

1.) Must be based in truth.
2.) Must be funny.

*END COMMUNICATION*

3/25/2008 9:35:35 PM

NekoFever

This deserves a facepalm.

3/25/2008 9:36:46 PM

funky fresh salad

It's kind of hard to be a fundamentalist for something that doesn't really have any set fundamentals.

3/25/2008 9:37:49 PM

Osiris

Poe or someone with too much time.

3/25/2008 9:41:29 PM

Sinisterwing

Okay, let me try this out...

25. I would have started with EVOLUTION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY, but he is so so close...
31. I see absolutely no logical connection between the two.
48. Okay, now. Organic materials, "building blocks" of life WERE created in a lab environment from non-organic materials. However, we are yet to see a zombie apocalypse...
60. Yes, they do. And the Bible isn't "extraordinary evidence". Jesus did, most likely, exist, but he was simply a man.
78. Never heard anything like that. It's like, an atheist might stop using "oh my God", but not because he hates Christians, but because that would be simply inappropriate. It's like I, a Wiccan, use "oh my Gods" instead.
123. So totally close...
157. Yeah. So?
162. Fuck you. And your strawmen.
168. I saw "Jesus Christ Superstar" and liked it at some parts. So? You ever seen "Life of Brian"?
180. I am yet to hear a Fundy say that...
210. Calling all Grammar Nazis! I repeat! Calling all Grammar Nazis!
264. Nope. YOU think that communion wafers and wine are Jesus' flesh and blood. BTW, I thought Fundies didn't think Catholics are Christians?
281. I wouldn't bother.

3/25/2008 9:43:01 PM

John

You claim that evolution and the big bang are two entirely separate theories that explain different aspects of the universe, yet, in what school of learning can you find any real separation or distinction between the two?

One's astronomy and the other is biology. I guess maybe there'd be no real separation in astronobiology class, but I've never seen a school that offered that course.

You become upset when a Christian says that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally.

That wouldn't upset an atheist. What annoys any rational person is when people (e.g., fundie Baptists) criticize other Christian sects for not following the Bible literally, but then pick and choose the parts to treat literally based on their own bigotry.

3/25/2008 9:44:04 PM

babyboi420

what a fucking loser

3/25/2008 9:44:38 PM

Laughing Buddha

25. Evolution = biology; big bang = astrophysics, not related
31. But if I think about it, aren't I using the nonexistent logic?
48. You're the people who say we come from dirt. Evolution hasn't come up with an answer as to where life came from
60. But if I say Thor never existed, you don't consider that an extraordinary claim. Why is that?
78. actually it comes from the latin (Roman) to crucify. The Romans crucified people, nobody's saying they didn't.
123. Then why do I hear the argument, but if we're right and your wrong then your going to hell!!!
157. Yep
162. Actually those are social radicals, some may be atheists, other atheists do not.
168. I have seen it, it was a sick twisted 2 hour snuff film.
180. You just don't like it when you say it's the literal word of God, and then we point out the silly shit.
210. not us, Christians are the ones saying atheism is a religion
264. WTF?? I've heard that said sarcastically, but never seriously.
281. Hmmm..... well since according to you're ilk, Buddhists worship Buddha...... I guess I'm not an atheist XD

3/25/2008 9:45:56 PM

MK

This attempt at humor has failed. Please reboot your system and restart the humor attempt to see if that clears up the problem. If the problem persists, you should contact George Carlin immediately.

3/25/2008 9:46:45 PM

sisyphus

I guess christ was the only person, ever to be crucified. Now that I know that, I will never again claim to my husband that I have an excruciating headache in order to get out of doing the dishes.

3/25/2008 9:48:25 PM

Chancellor Gorkon

264. "You think eating bread and drinking wine is cannibalism"

No, I think we just need some cheese and we're ready for a picnic!

And oh yes,

3/25/2008 9:51:18 PM

The Watcher

You claim that evolution and the big bang are two entirely separate theories that explain different aspects of the universe, yet, in what school of learning can you find any real separation or distinction between the two?

If you're trying to set up a logical fallacy, your phraseology leaves much to be desired. Taking your facts as they are, though, grammar notwithstanding: you obviously have no idea what astronomy and biology even ARE, let alone have studied them.

You think that humans are products of chance but when it comes to human reason we can believe in logic! (Think about it !)

I keep trying, but your incoherent babbling makes so little sense.

You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.

Okay, finally, you've actually managed to properly construct a logical fallacy. Except the two premises you're comparing aren't fallacious.

You insist that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", then claim that Jesus never existed.

Yes, I do. You want me to come up with "extraordinary evidence" that something DIDN'T happen? WTF?

You refuse to use the word "excruciating" because of its origins in describing the agonies of crucifixion.

Yes, that would make you an atheist fundie. If I ever meet anyone who fits this description, I'll tell him he is one.

You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell...despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either

*FACEPALM* First of all, I am not convinced of that. I do, however, believe that SOME people only believe out of fear.

All of this is beside the point, of course, because there doesn't actually need to BE something to be afraid of, only people who believe there is. Dumbass.


You think God was cruel for killing all of those innocent babies in the flood, and that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to abort her baby

Well, yeah? Nobody aborts "babies" en masse except God, and when He does it, He doesn't have a reason.

You spell America "AermiKKKa" and Christian "KKKristian

Yes, once again, as soon as I meet someone who does that...

You have not seen "The Passion of the Christ," and you don’t know anyone who has seen it

I saw it. In the theater. And I know two people who also saw it, a Jew and a Hindu, because they were sitting right next to me.

Why does not having seen something make me a fundie? I haven't seen Crossroads starring Britney Spears either. Does that make me a non-kiddie-pop fundie?


You become upset when a Christian says that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally.

No I don't. That's a sign of rational thinking. I become happy.

You insist on capitalizing "atheist"

Once again, if anyone actually did that, he might be a fundie.

You think eating bread and drinking wine is cannibalism

No I don't. However, I do think it's kinda sick that when you do it, you think you're eating your Jeebus whole.

Last of all -- you write this website a letter which includes a rebuttal to the above listing!

Good point. I'll just do it right here.

3/25/2008 9:53:07 PM

POSW

The quote is just an excerpt. I'm on spring break, and I have a shitload of spare time, so I'm going to try and post a refutation to the whole list.

Look for it later. ;)

Even if I'm not an atheist (pantheist/practicing Jew, for anyone who doesn't know), this is about sticking it to stupid people, not whether I personally believe in God or not.

3/25/2008 9:54:30 PM



Project much?

3/25/2008 10:00:29 PM

FMG


25. You claim that evolution and the big bang are two entirely separate theories that explain different aspects of the universe, yet, in what school of learning can you find any real separation or distinction between the two?


One is the theory of speciation based on natural selection. The other is the formation of the universe by a proposed event that converted massive amounts of energy to matter.


31. You think that humans are products of chance but when it comes to human reason we can believe in logic! (Think about it !)


Actually logic also places an attribute towards chance. Logical options change with experience.


48. You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.


Thats not how life works.


60. You insist that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", then claim that Jesus never existed.


You provide no evidence.


78. You refuse to use the word "excruciating" because of its origins in describing the agonies of crucifixion. (ex crucis - "from the cross")


We actually use it. Because other people were crucified. If anything Jesus and the Thief Barabas were unlikely to have been crucified.


123. You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell...despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either


Which is what we believe in. We are just good because it makes the world a nicer place to live in for the 6 to 9 decades we get to stay on it.


157. You think God was cruel for killing all of those innocent babies in the flood, and that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to abort her baby


Actually we think the chosen people of God are cruel because they too kill babies. Other people's...


180. You become upset when a Christian says that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally.


Its all or nothing. You cannot pick and choose what you take literally. Else we all break the 10 commandments what with thought crime and all?


210. You insist on capitalizing "atheist"


Only if it starts a sentence.


264. You think eating bread and drinking wine is cannibalism


It is a symbolic gesture of the consumption of flesh...


281. Last of all -- you write this website a letter which includes a rebuttal to the above listing!


Yes... I am an atheist...

3/25/2008 10:08:36 PM

Archaeopath

I just....I have nowhere to begin with this. The list's left me drowning in stupid....it's unreal. I keep trying to read the whole nonsensical list, and my eyes are just drawn back to the stupid at the beginning...it's like watching a slow-motion multiple pile-up on re-run.

We're gonna need a bigger cluebat.

3/25/2008 10:11:13 PM

MM

I do wish to reach through the Internet, grab this person, and shake them until their teeth rattle.

Can someone work on the needed technology?

3/25/2008 10:16:26 PM

ArmandT

I don't think this is a poe, sadly. Here's an unabashed Christian apologetic who thinks he has some sense of humor.

3/25/2008 10:18:21 PM

Fishcakes

Is there, like, crazy-dust in the water or something? I think that may be the only way to explain this kind of stuff.

3/25/2008 10:20:03 PM
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