Arkansas, my home state, rarely is in the national news. This past week a meat packing plant exploded, the White River is flooded at record levels, and now these five children died in a fire. These are surely the last days.
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You can find signs for anything if you look hard enough.
This morning my fruitloops formed a line that spelled the word "Oooooooo", so that must mean that I'm going to get laid today by 8 beautiful supermodels, because that would be one of the sounds I would make while it was happening.
"Arkansas, my home state, rarely is in the national news."
You could always try to get creationism in the classroom. That seems to work of late.
"This past week a meat packing plant exploded, the White River is flooded at record levels, and now these five children died in a fire. These are surely the last days."
You should have that ego checked. There's a world outside your state you know.
This is clearly a sign of the end. Things like the Black Death, the Great Depression, the Holocaust and the use of nuclear weaponry on civilian cities, those are all insignificant next to the True Horror of excess rain/snowmelt and five children dying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been the "last days" for a thousand years. You gonna put your money where your mouth is by giving me a date, or are you just going to keep pussying up?
Look out, if you get a hangnail, it's a sign of the End Days! If your hair frizzes, End Days! If your homebaked bread falls, guess what? END DAYS!
You are the sorriest group of passive suicidal idiots I have ever read about.
And behold, from the heavens issued forth fine sausages, from the smallest chipolata to the mightiest salami, and all manner of bacon and hams. I am Alpha and Omega and your local butcher, the beginning and the ending in your search for good and righteous meaty products, saith the Lord.
Revelation: The Missing Years
One thing many people don't understand.
If it is on the national news, it means that it is an uncommon or exotic occurrence. If it were a common enough occurrence to not appear on national news, THEN you can start to worry about it.
A state that is irrelevant to most of the rest of the country has a few newsworthy events occurring and you think that means the end is near? Your state is one of fifty in this nation alone. How, exactly, did your god choose Arkansas of all the places in the world, to begin showing the world the end is near?
No wonder I keep myself above the Mason Dixon line. I cannot tolerate the arrogance on top of the stupidity of the bible belt.
They said that when Atilla the Hun stormed through the Roman Empire, the Black Death killed about a third of Europe, in London when most of the city burned down in 1666 (fateful date!) and presumably also in Chicago after the cow kicked the lantern. Ahat makes you sure that your local problems are any more cosmically significant?
Wow, that's definite proof of the end of days...
Maybe you need to read the paper more? Bigger cities have stuff like that happen almost all of the time.
If you don't want to read, though, you can always put a paper bag over your head, lay down on the floor and wait for Jesus to return.
A what exploded? Bwahahaha!
Was it something similar to that guy that made a dead stranded whale explode to get rid of the remains? I think it rained suitcase sized chunks of meat in quite a wide perimeter!
Tragic, yes.
Last days? No.
Wow! That is way more interesting than a pitiful little earthquake killing 150 000 in some island nation no-one knows where it's at, right?
(Yeah, I know, two years later than OP. But still...)
Because explosions, floods, and tragedy have never happened concurrently, in all the history of the world?
"these five children died in a fire. These are surely the last days."
If that's your attitude (but then, what does one expect from Ruptured Retards?!), then you should die in a fire. Then that would be your last day. .
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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