Quote# 38369

*why masturbation is bad*

It hurts God, He watches everything and nothing is hidden from

PastorofMuppets, Why is masturbating wrong? 92 Comments [4/28/2008 7:56:23 PM]
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Little Miss

*snorts* I'm too amused to be clever.
(Whacking off makes God cry sad tears!)

4/28/2008 7:59:18 PM


Woah, if that'd be true, I'd have single-handedly killed God

4/28/2008 8:00:28 PM

Winston Jen

Another fundie telling his god what he can and cannot do.

4/28/2008 8:00:50 PM


Well I never said he had to watch.

4/28/2008 8:01:23 PM

Empress of Zind

What is it about masturbation that makes God so upset?

4/28/2008 8:04:07 PM

Poisoned Rationality

*Snickers* Um... Sorry about that near miss the other day, God... *Giggle* I was just rubbing one out. I didn't mean to *snerk* kill anybody...

*Falls over laughing*

4/28/2008 8:05:38 PM

Paschall Wagner

So basically, his argument is that ceiling cat is watching us masturbate?

4/28/2008 8:09:37 PM


Hehe, some of us like to watch people masturbate. Or be watched.

With consent, of course.

4/28/2008 8:10:23 PM


God sounds a bit creepy, then.

4/28/2008 8:12:16 PM


If masturbation hurts God, what the hell does the war you so vehemently back do to him? Certainly, if me rubbing one off grieves him so, the deaths of women and children should wound him to the quick, no?

4/28/2008 8:13:25 PM

Quantum Mechanic

So why does it FEEL GOOD?

4/28/2008 8:13:27 PM


God has his very own subscription to ifeelmyself.com.

The perv.

4/28/2008 8:17:19 PM

name goes here

God: "Agh! Dude, put it away! No one wants to see that! Damn my omniscience..."

4/28/2008 8:17:46 PM


Tell god to wear sun glasses so that it dosn't get in his eyes!

4/28/2008 8:19:22 PM


Because every time you masturbate God kills a puppy.

That's probably a more effective argument.

4/28/2008 8:27:00 PM

Philbert McAdamia

It sure as hell doesn't hurt Jumbo.
Makes Jumbo feel GOOOOOOOOOOD! :-)

4/28/2008 8:30:02 PM

Tom S. Fox

But the really creepy thing is the implication that god enjoys watching people having sex!

4/28/2008 8:32:02 PM



Man i must have really, really hurt God!

4/28/2008 8:32:15 PM


Oh great! Not only is god a mass murderer, he's a fucking perv, too...

4/28/2008 8:32:58 PM


God's a pervert!

4/28/2008 8:37:03 PM


Why does it hurt God?

4/28/2008 8:38:35 PM


Your god is one sick pervert, then.

4/28/2008 8:39:13 PM

Septic Sceptic

Poor God. Having to watch every time somebody starts slipping a hand into their panties. It must be awful for Him. Luckily I am willing to take this burden upon myself if God will allow it. It'll be poetic, like how God sacrificed for us, so I shall... look, whatever, how do you tune this omnicience into Kirsten Dunst's house?

4/28/2008 8:42:33 PM

Dr. Funkenstein

Hey, if it upsets God so much he should probably just quit watching.

4/28/2008 8:43:15 PM


You reckon your god is omnipotent, which means he must have a choice of whether or not to watch things that hurt him. If he continues to do so, he must therefore be a masochist; are you sure that's an implication you wish to make?

4/28/2008 8:45:52 PM

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