I never really BATTLED with porn, but I did watch it in my younger days, and even briefly after I was married. Then I decided that it was no good and stopped watching it. Kind of cold turkey. I had "relapses" a couple of times a year, but that too has dwindled.
One thought that helped me tremendously to get over the urges that occasionally come:
We know the rapture is coming...
any day, right?
If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching that and doing my thing...And you KNOW, one of the biggest questions every believer is going to be asked when we meet each other in heaven will be "What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
Can you imagine eternity living with the shame of "relieving myself with porn" being your answer?
Stops me better than a cold shower, that thought.
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" ... And you KNOW, one of the biggest questions every believer is going to be asked when we meet each other in heaven will be "What were you doing when the trumpet blew? ..."
Really? So, even in the Heavenly Kingdom where all the mysteries of the universe will be explained, you rapturists are still going to be going on and on about inane twaddle. Sounds like eternal boredom to me.
"Um.....sorry I'm late, Jesus, I was getting my trumpet blown"
A god that wouldn't laugh at that is clearly far too anal for me to ever worship
And you KNOW, one of the biggest questions every believer is going to be asked when we meet each other in heaven will be "What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
I thought the people in charge of heaven watched all of our steps and therefore would know without asking, what you did when the trumpet blew.
Religion: willpower substitute for those with no self control, and all it'll cost you is your sanity, health, freedom, moral sense and 14% or more of your lifetime, in only ~5000 easy weekly payments!
"Can you imagine eternity living with the shame of "relieving myself with porn" being your answer?
Stops me better than a cold shower, that thought."
But... that's a great answer! It'll keep the rest of you loony fuckers away. Oh, wait, you probably want them to interact with you...
If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching that and doing my thing
Is that what you fundies call it these days?
God: What were you doing when the trumpet blew?
Well, that doesn't sound so bad at all.
"BATTLED with porn"
lulz
"I decided that it was no good and stopped watching it. Kind of cold turkey."
hehe. Cold turkey..
""What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
And roughly a third of you will be asleep... Assuming you're homogeneously distributed over the Earth's surface.
"when the trumpet blew"
*snort*
any day, right?
- It hasn't happened in 2000 years, despite Jesus's promise to return who those he spoke to were still alive. And still you believe it will happen?
Re porn, I think that probably your hormones are fading out, your sperm count is newr zero and your sex-drive is shattered beyond repair.
"If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching"
What coincidence. My Trumpet often blows right in the middle of watching as well.
These people have no sense of fun, can you imagine how beautiful it would be to be a nice little winged, haloed angelic spirit standing around in Heaven chatting and somebody asking, 'So what were you doing when the ...' and you cutting them off with, 'I was jerking off, okay ?? Get the fuck out of my face.' Man, it's almost worth converting just for the chance to do that.
I wouldn't have a problem with that.
"Oh, yeah, I was beating off. You?"
".....Actually....yeah me too >_>"
-snerk- If I get raptured away, I'll hound this fellow mercilessly for all eternity.
I won't, of course, and neither will he, but it's still funny to imagine.
"I was volunteering at a shelter for abused women and children when the 'get your shit together' warning sounded. What about you?"
"I was... uh... I was slap-boxing the one-eyed champ."
You have to make up an imaginary story (rapture) to keep you from being busted with the made up "shame" of a decent jack-off?
Jebus, you fuckers are twisted.
If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching that and doing my thing...And you KNOW, one of the biggest questions every believer is going to be asked when we meet each other in heaven will be "What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
Can you imagine eternity living with the shame of "relieving myself with porn" being your answer?
So instead of:
I was feeding the homeless.
You'll be saying:
I was taking a cold shower so that Jesus wouldn't catch me wanking.
Because you think that will make a difference how?
I don't know about anyone else here, but if the Rapture interrupted me half way through I'd be *pissed*.
"You cost me a perfectly good orgasm, you bastard!"
Also, doesn't doing it even once mean you're going to hell, anyway? So why worry?
What if you're sitting on the crapper? Or blowing your nose? Or taking a pee-pee?
This also makes me think of a great epitaph for a headstone:
"He died the way he lived, with his weiner in his hand!"
Hahhahahahhaahhaahhah...
Pure RR gold.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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