Dear Friend;
This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently
The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you
This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken
45 comments
I can't wait to hear the story of these letters being sent out incorrectly, and creating mass hysteria, as Rapture freaks across the country become convinced that they have been "left behind" (a possibility, that, for whatever reason, they will never admit beforehand).
From further down this letter:
You should now seek out others who have
Now I understand these fundamentalists.
Even if the rapture actually somehow happens, why do these people think I will want to recieve junk e-mail from them. I'll just be relieved to have not heard from them and then, bam, there they are annoying me from afar.
Allegory for Jesus: "I can't wait to hear the story of these letters being sent out incorrectly, and creating mass hysteria, as Rapture freaks across the country become convinced that they have been "left behind""...
You have been reading my thread, right?
"So how do they expect to send these things? I don't remember hearing about heaven having internet-access..."
It's a dead man button.
(Original Draft)
Dear Friends that are dumber than we are,
This message has been sent by friends an relatives who have not recently disappeared along with millions of others around the world.
They chose to send the letters to the schmucks who were stupid enough to believe that Rapture bullshit. They want you to know that Rapture will never come and that you are a stupid motherfucker for believing it will, and we (and God) are laughing at you!
It may come as a shock to you that you won't get to Heaven any faster than anyone else. And brown-nosing God with Rapture shit won't help, either.
For being such a stupid prick, we will send you hammers that you can use on your skull to punish yourself.
"Right, that's the server set up. Praizzze jeezuzzz!"
Dear Friend;
This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has noticed that, unlike what you believed, you didn't disappear along with millions and millions of people around the world.
The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you and would like you to know you're in the clutches of a lunatic fringe cult.
This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this will probably be taken up to heaven before you will.
anonymous_troy said it best. Someone should create a fake email message and mass-mail it to everyone and everywhere. It says something like "we've been raptured and if you are reading this you were left behind and now you go to hell". Of course, nobody has gone anywhere but the fundies will completely freak out. :-)
"A time will comebut I must not and cannot think! Let me pray that, if I do not survive this manuscript, my executors may put caution before audacity and see that it meets no other eye."
At least "The Call of Cthulhu" made sense... and has more basis in the Necromonicon than the Rapture has in the Bible.
@Tom S. Fox
"You have been reading my thread, right?"
No, I have not. I don't need to eat shit to know I don't like it.
"It's a dead man button.
If you don't push the button, all that crap goes out to the poor, unsuspecting families? Sounds great. Pleased don't get killed. Wait...
Tom S. Fox said: "It's a dead man button.
But how can you be absolutely sure the person doing the pushing will or will not be raptured? Or what if the server it's running on crashes? What if that person gets injured or dies? Or what if, just hypotheticaly.... The Rapture isn't REAL!
You people lead a really sad existence. You're consumed with the idea of dying and getting some reward in heaven, and then inconspicuously shoving it in people's faces in a "ha ha" manner.
Yes, the entire concept of sucking off the immaculate limp cock is just joyous!
@ doperwtje on the previous page:
That is assuming this isn't just one huge phishing scam.
@CeilingCat
I wanna know how exactly they are going to set their computers to recognize the Rapture and send out these emails. I honestly was not aware that there is an "in case of spiritual disruption" setting on my PC.
AFAIK They have a couple of people (fundamentalist christians from all over the world) who they believe to get raptured and who weekly (or at another time schedule) send messages to them. If at one time several of them fail to report on schedule they take some days to investigate it and, if their whereabouts remain unknown the raptue messages get sent.
Ok, seriously. I want to start a service for this. I, an atheist (so you know I'll be around after the rapture), will keep letters and papers for you on a computer server and, after certain agreed upon events which constitute the rapture happen, will release said papers. Oh, I'll also be charging a mere $150 per year. If I can just sign up a few hundred thousand of these morons...
I really wish that one day someone would make this fake Australian article on people 'disappearing' at around let's say 7 in the morning at each time zone.
Then convince the Rapture people that when 7 am comes wherever they are, they'll be raptured.
Mayhem wroteI would love to get an e-mail like this from someone who owned a nice house and a lamborghini.
Unfortunately I suspect you're much more likely receive one from someone who rents a trailer and drives a fifteen year old pick-up truck.
Everyone will send out their rapture letters when Obama gets elected. Then, a whole hell of a lot of people will be shocked to death when they receive Christmas cards from the same people, not even acknowledging their illogical overreactions.
"Hey, honey? We just got a Christmas card from Fundie Fiend. I thought he disappeared last month? Didn't we get a letter about that? Now, we get a Christmas card? Can they send cards from heaven?"
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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