Your posts indicate you to be an intelligent person so I have to believe you understand the truth in this. So either you have for so long been dishonest about this whole thing that you have actually lied yourself into really believing all that malarky, or you know full well it [evolution] is garbage and just insist on it because 'it has to be true' or else your faith fails and you are desperate to hold onto it. Even if it means sacrificing real science in the name of your faith.