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1. How the Hell are our grandparents monkies?
2. Evolution doesn't work that way.
3. If you think Stalin was bad try running for office in South America. The local militia will fucking murder you.
4. How can you convince someone the Earth is a sphere when it's common knowledge?
5. Die in a fire.
8/20/2008 10:01:03 PM
First half: I'd like to see a bunch of "Heartland Americans" (Read: Hicks and rednecks) construct a microchip, launch a functioning deep space probe, find cures to diseases...
Second half: Non sequitar for Jesus award!
8/20/2008 10:02:27 PM
"It’s much easier for felons to avoid the death penalty if you convince the legal system that the world is a sphere."
8/20/2008 10:05:30 PM
Poe, the last sentence seals it.
8/20/2008 10:05:31 PM
WTF is this idiot yapping about?
8/20/2008 10:06:57 PM
I was going to confer "Lord of the Rings-Scale Epic Failure" on this, until that last line and all I could think was POE.
8/20/2008 10:09:35 PM
It’s much easier to convince hard-working people to fund food stamps if they’re convinced that their ancestors were pond scum.
8/20/2008 10:17:30 PM
Ephraim the Retarded Rabbit
I think this is a poe. At least, I hope this is a poe.
8/20/2008 10:19:52 PM
No, that's all clearly bullshit.
Scientific facts don't change how justice works or does not work.
8/20/2008 10:28:19 PM
This better not be my Bob Corker (R-Tennessee).
Get back in the Senate, Bob! Don't think we don't remember what you did to Harold Ford! You wanted the job that badly, you get to work it!
EDIT: Howcum now all felons have to worry about the death penalty? "I stole a big-screen Hi-Def TeeVee to watch my stories on! They gonna hang me if they catch me!"
8/20/2008 10:40:35 PM
Well known satire site.
8/20/2008 10:47:54 PM
You give away your Poe nature at the end. Up to that point, good job.
8/20/2008 10:50:33 PM
"It’s much easier for Democrats to justify murder of the unborn and Jews"
Wait, what?? o.O
8/20/2008 10:55:02 PM
It's much easier to pick your nose if you have your nostrils enlarged.
8/20/2008 10:58:09 PM
If this isn't a POE, it is, by far, the most fucked-up individual yet. That last couple sentences is unbelievable ignorance.
8/20/2008 11:10:21 PM
You know, I'm pretty sure that every scientist would tell you that your grandparents, great grandparents, and great-great grandparents were all humans.
Now, your evolutionary ancestors, on the other hand...
8/20/2008 11:20:09 PM
Allegory for Jesus
Anti-intellectualism at its finest.
Edit: "It’s much easier for felons to avoid the death penalty if you convince the legal system that the world is a sphere "
8/20/2008 11:21:11 PM
Ah. Ixion is considered to be the most wicked human that ever existed in Greek mythology.
This proves the Poe, but it is one that can really fool people, in particular since he intentionally tries NOT to be funny at times.
8/21/2008 12:04:00 AM
This has to be a joke.
8/21/2008 12:18:59 AM
wtf does "convincing the legal system the earth is a sphere" have to do with no death penalty? what the FUCK are you talking about?
i think you are either a troll, or youre just too fucking stupid to understand any of this so you pretend its the data thats wrong and not your idiocy
i fell for it hook line and sinker, lol
8/21/2008 12:45:24 AM
Poe Meh. Poes aren't funny.
8/21/2008 1:00:40 AM
"Really, what do scientists have that Heartland Americans don't?"
An education, research, field work, understanding of the scientific method and incredulity.
8/21/2008 1:41:26 AM
Corker's been around for a long time. He's prolific, but likely a Poe (just like the sites he frequents).
8/21/2008 1:46:42 AM
Can someone tell me please how this stupid idea of "Heartland" came about? We're supposed to think that "typically American" is a wood-frame single family house with a white picket fence around it in rural, small-town America when in reality most of us live in large cities and your "Heartland" counties are the fastest-shrinking counties in the country, with the possible exception of some Rust Belt cities. Your kids are up and leaving for the cities 'cause there no opportunity in the Heartland.
8/21/2008 2:21:41 AM
Fancy pants degrees?
You mean such things like the degrees that people like Kent Horvind get from christian diploma mills? ;)
8/21/2008 2:31:13 AM
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