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Quote# 46050

[on how he knows Jesus Christ is real]

Jesus Christ raised me from the dead after I drowned in crude oil waste in a tank in 1982. I have more to go on than feelings. I should have been dead, or at best, brain dead. Cockroaches don't even live through that.

I have laid hands on the sick and seen them made well. I have cast devils out of people through the power of the name of Jesus Christ. I'm not naive enough to expect the likes of you to believe me[..]

2. The whole WORLD looks different when you've been reborn.

My, what a tired, boring existence yours must be if you cannot even grasp this most basic fact. So, let me throw a tired cliche' your way: "Try it, you'll like it." I don't need to spend a lot of time on you if you're not going to be saved.

Bridging The Gap, Human Evolution blog 56 Comments [8/28/2008 10:23:41 PM]
Fundie Index: 3
WTF?! || meh
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werewolf

You're still brain dead.

8/28/2008 10:29:06 PM

Jeepers Creepers

So when Jesus saved you he said you were allowed to pass judgment on other people like that?

"Try it, you'll like it."

Often used to describe gay sex.

8/28/2008 10:29:27 PM

Doctor Whom

Lying for the Lord, lying for the Lord, we shall come rejoicing, lying for the Lord.

8/28/2008 10:30:32 PM

Mrs. Antichrist

How, exactly, did you manage to drown yourself in crude oil waste?

And... yeah, I really don't think I want to try the whole dying thing, since the 'coming back to life' part generally doesn't happen very often. Came close to dying once, wouldn't want to do that again...

8/28/2008 10:30:40 PM

oidhche

Seems like you're the fucking second coming.

8/28/2008 10:36:53 PM

Sisyphus

I was raised from the dead...however Jebus had nothing to do with it. The doctor's who restarted my heart on the other hand, can take full credit.

8/28/2008 10:38:19 PM

J. Random Lurker

Second the Lying for Jebus.

Even if you did fall into a vat of crude oil waste, it was probably some rescue worker who did it. Jebus (at least as he is mentioned in the buy-bull and in Christian understanding) doesn't exist, pal...

8/28/2008 10:41:52 PM

Jay-Sus

Let me cut your jugular vein. See if Jesus saves you then.

8/28/2008 10:42:07 PM

Bill O'Rly

SHOULD be brain dead?

8/28/2008 10:43:28 PM

Malkavian Jeff

"I have cast devils out of people through the power of the name of Jesus Christ."

Someone plays too much Diablo 2.

8/28/2008 10:50:25 PM

agentCDE

Yes, I'll just loooove sucking the invisible dick of a sadistic, insane, power-mad tyrant in the sky. Sorry, but my doctor said I should stick to a strict, no-kowtowing-to-fucked-up-lunatic-overlord diet, magic sky daddy or otherwise.

8/28/2008 10:51:24 PM

GigaGuess

@Malkavian Jeff

Nnnnno, in Diablo 2 you cast out devils with a sufficient length of steel. Thankfully he hasn't gone *quite* that batty...yet.

8/28/2008 10:53:10 PM

Dr. Funkenstein

Cockroaches don't have doctors.

8/28/2008 10:53:39 PM

anonymous_troy

"Cockroaches don't even live through that."

Like that time I accidentally got some bug spray on myself and freaking had to go to the hospital.

Wait, that never happened because humans are considerably stronger than bugs... Except for radioactivity and mass extinctions.

Still, you've given very little evidence or even a well explained story, so I think you're full of crap.

8/28/2008 10:55:54 PM

Rakjavik

Insanity for Jebus! Seriously........ get some pills. (or stop taking the ones you're on)

8/28/2008 10:56:45 PM

stoat100

'Jesus Christ raised me from the dead after I drowned in crude oil waste in a tank in 1982'

Now _thats_ a great name for a band...

8/28/2008 10:57:17 PM

Mudflappus

Interesting, I spoke to an associate of mine who died as a result of a bicycle accident. In the eleven minutes he was on the "Other Side", he never witnessed or felt anything remotley similar to the trip this dipshit is pushing.

8/28/2008 11:05:37 PM

M.M.

The first sentence alone was an instant fail.

8/28/2008 11:30:17 PM

John

I guess Jesus liked "Bridging" better than he liked the three Spanish oil workers who died of crude oil aspiration back in the early 90's.

8/28/2008 11:33:34 PM

kingoftheheavies

So, your lungs were filled with crude oil waste, the oil was expelled, and you took breath and lived?

Fucking liar.

You've cured the sick, and rid the possessed of their demons?

Fucking liar.


8/28/2008 11:34:17 PM

Giveitaday

Jesus Christ raised me from the dead after I drowned in crude oil waste in a tank in 1982. I have more to go on than feelings. I should have been dead, or at best, brain dead.

Lying for jesus.

Cockroaches don't even live through that

Cockroaches can live through anything.

I have laid hands on the sick and seen them made well. I have cast devils out of people through the power of the name of Jesus Christ.

Lying for jesus.

You are aware that lying is a sin in your religion, right?


I'm not naive enough to expect the likes of you to believe me

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

My, what a tired, boring existence yours must be if you cannot even grasp this most basic fact

What fact? And no, I find my existence to be quite enjoyable, even without your non-existant fact.

So, let me throw a tired cliche' your way: "Try it, you'll like it."

Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt and the psycholgical scars to prove it. Also "try" what? Lying about dying? Lying about healing the sick?

I don't need to spend a lot of time on you if you're not going to be saved

How very christ-like of you. Your jesus must be so very, very proud.

8/28/2008 11:34:40 PM

Illuminatalie

Not really lying. If he was an Viking who was nearly killed, yet survived, he would swear up and down that he had visions of Odin or Frigga or whatever the local fetish was.

8/28/2008 11:49:19 PM

Sayna

...I should have been dead, or at best, brain dead...

Well, there's good news for you, then!

RE: "Cockroaches can live through anything."

It's true! Haven't these guys seen WALL-E? =P

Oh wait, I forgot that that's EVIL LIBRUL ENVIRONMENTALIST AL GORE PROPAGANDA!

8/28/2008 11:51:25 PM

Flatworm

Tried it, discovered it was bullshit.

Besides, I wouldn't go so far as to say you're not brain-dead.

8/28/2008 11:55:22 PM

Daken

I see, was this "oil" perhaps, laced with very powerfull drugs of some kind?

8/29/2008 12:05:54 AM
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