"(1) Press (1) for English is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can."
Except you don't have an official language. You have a de facto language. A subtle but important difference.
"(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.
We will use the 'Walmart' policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'"
You'll be fucked within a month. And the rest of the world can point, laugh and tax the shit out of you when you come crawling back.
"(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it."
More like 1000%. Set by the rest of the world. Non-negotiable.
"(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border until Texas residents (not politicians) tell us the situation is under control. (six month tour)"
I think the demand for immigration would drop like a stone. Also, retired people?! They've done their duty already!
"(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state.
If you or your spouse didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it."
You'd condemn a large segment of your population to certain death (by not being able to afford the essentials)?!!?!!!
"(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade."
So instead of being able to look for a job you'd stick people in school? That wouldn't go down well with the already educated unemployed. Or single parents/guardians.
"(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life."
What about false positives?
"(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences.
If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc."
I think you mean the Saudi method. Dubbed cruel and unusual by a lot of people, myself included.
"(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat.
A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil."
Plenty of wheat available closer to home. You can't say the same for oil. You'd get screwed at the bargaining table.
"(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause."
And when the Really Big One hits California or Hurricane Zeke comes ripping through the southern states, you'll come begging cap in hand.
"(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress."
Isn't that the case already?
"(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc."
See above.
You'd wreck the USA. Fortunately, the President doesn't get to make laws on his own. You'd need some powerful friends.
