Quote# 46257

[next to a picture of a little girl trick-or-treating]

What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?

Would Jesus run off to church or hide back in the TV room with the front lights off?...

Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?

Jack Chick, Chick Publications 51 Comments [8/31/2008 6:54:31 PM]
Fundie Index: 17

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I know it's Jack Chick the one who is talking here, so expecting high literature is out of the question...

But please, do not write something that can be interpreted as a pedophile Jesus, ok, Jack?

10/2/2009 5:31:19 AM


Jesus' would have given "DA' BEST CANDY EVA'H!" being the god and all. Besides, pridefull much!

10/2/2009 5:48:50 AM


All Hallow's Eve IS Christian. It's ignorant fundies who say it's pagan or Satanic, along with Christmas and Easter.

10/2/2009 6:31:16 AM


"Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?"

What - like Joe Barron and Tony Alamo?

So you're admitting that Jesus is a paedo nonce, Jack? Speaks volumes about your mindset & beliefs too. And even more reason for we Atheists to never trust a fundie like you.

10/2/2009 7:11:04 AM

Vegetable Rights Activist

He would give her a King-Sized Milky Way.

Because he is awesome like that.

10/18/2009 10:39:58 AM


Jesus would probably give her some candy and wish her a happy Halloween. It's his damned followers that would try to convert the poor girl.

3/30/2011 7:00:58 PM


It's not Jesus the little girl needs to worry about. It's his A-grade asshole Fan Club.

3/31/2011 2:08:33 AM


Some of the tradition of todays Halloween have Pagan roots, a night to revere the dead and otherworldy forces. Like Yule and Ester the Catholics put their stank on Pagan holidays to own them.
They've never got rid of (and they've tried) many of the practices of Pagan beliefs. To this day they campaign against Halloween.

Easters coming,,,watch for the Fundies going nuts over chocolate bunnies and eggs with " what's that got to do with Jesus?" comments

3/31/2011 6:00:15 AM


Aside from making Jesus sound like a paedophile the term "golden opportunity" made me think he likes golden showers as well.

4/11/2011 7:04:12 AM

Kevin Klawitter

oboyoboyoboyoboy I get to do this for the first time since it became commonplace here:


5/10/2011 9:47:30 PM


Holey crap, that's creepy

5/10/2011 11:33:55 PM


"Happy Halloween! Here, have full-sized chocolate bars."

(I dunno, I can see that happening...)

1/20/2012 4:27:05 PM

What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?
Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?

So basically he would use the golden opportunity to drop his love in her pumpkin? Eww?

1/20/2012 5:48:56 PM


How the hell would you know what Jesus would do Jack?

And having read your "work," your conception of god is far more scary than anything associated with Halloween.

1/20/2012 6:20:47 PM

Quantum Mechanic

Jesus never existed you stupid fuck.

3/27/2012 12:34:00 AM


Brr! That last line creep me out, completely. Pedo Jesus is not a pretty picture, Jacky.

3/27/2012 1:48:33 AM


"Jesus took some bread and when He had said the blessing He broke it and gave it to the disciples. 'Take it and eat,' He said, 'this is my body.' Then He took a cup and when He had returned thanks He gave it to them. 'Drink all of you from this,' He said, 'for this is my blood'" (Matthew 26:26-28). Then he took some candy and gave it to the girl. 'Take it and eat,' He said 'not because it's blood or flesh or something, but because candy is awesome in the eyes of my Father. And trust not Jack Chick,' He continued, 'for that man is a colossal douche and an embarrassment to all My followers, except the ones that are douchebags like him, I guess.' He frowned. 'I mean, this guy makes his own Messiah sound like a pedo. But fuck him. My point is, candy is awesome. Here, have some.' Having shared His divine wisdom with the girl, Jesus withdrew, leaving her much enlightened on matters of religion and the nature of douchebags, as well as a few new words in her vocabulary.
God damn, I like writing Bible fanfiction.

3/28/2012 10:06:33 AM


3/28/2012 3:23:32 PM


If Jesus is anything like his groupies, he would ignore the doorbell, then log on to Rapture Ready and whine "OMG I'm Sooooo oppressed! I just wanna go home!!!"

4/12/2012 3:31:32 PM

Blue the Thief


4/12/2012 3:39:44 PM


Would you STOP making Jesus sound like a creep? Sheesh, you're not doing your side any favors.

4/12/2012 7:05:55 PM


That Jesus sounds like a creepy dude.

2/5/2013 7:07:19 AM


[next to a picture of a little girl trick-or-treating]

"What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?"

"would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?"

Jack Prick = Tony Alamo/David J. Stewart.

We don't need to be Freud to figure you lot out.

2/5/2013 8:04:49 AM


"What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?"
The most awesome candy made of pure manna and rainbows.
"Would Jesus run off to church or hide back in the TV room with the front lights off?..."
Only if he needed to heal a hobo there. For free. Damn socialist!
"Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?"
He could always try not being a douche like his dad.

2/5/2013 5:35:03 PM

You are probably thinking of Gary Glitter.

2/5/2013 5:42:21 PM

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