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#1030667
Masker
I know it's Jack Chick the one who is talking here, so expecting high literature is out of the question...
But please, do not write something that can be interpreted as a pedophile Jesus, ok, Jack?
10/2/2009 5:31:19 AM
#1030672
Clown
Jesus' would have given "DA' BEST CANDY EVA'H!" being the god and all. Besides, pridefull much!
10/2/2009 5:48:50 AM
#1030683
Moondog
All Hallow's Eve IS Christian. It's ignorant fundies who say it's pagan or Satanic, along with Christmas and Easter.
10/2/2009 6:31:16 AM
#1030694
Anon-e-moose
"Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?"
What - like Joe Barron and Tony Alamo?
So you're admitting that Jesus is a paedo nonce, Jack? Speaks volumes about your mindset & beliefs too. And even more reason for we Atheists to never trust a fundie like you.
10/2/2009 7:11:04 AM
#1038347
Vegetable Rights Activist
He would give her a King-Sized Milky Way.
Because he is awesome like that.
10/18/2009 10:39:58 AM
#1273127
Renon
Jesus would probably give her some candy and wish her a happy Halloween. It's his damned followers that would try to convert the poor girl.
3/30/2011 7:00:58 PM
#1273196
Justanotheratheist
It's not Jesus the little girl needs to worry about. It's his A-grade asshole Fan Club.
3/31/2011 2:08:33 AM
#1273273
Canadiest
Some of the tradition of todays Halloween have Pagan roots, a night to revere the dead and otherworldy forces. Like Yule and Ester the Catholics put their stank on Pagan holidays to own them.
They've never got rid of (and they've tried) many of the practices of Pagan beliefs. To this day they campaign against Halloween.
Easters coming,,,watch for the Fundies going nuts over chocolate bunnies and eggs with " what's that got to do with Jesus?" comments
3/31/2011 6:00:15 AM
#1277500
beehummingbird
Aside from making Jesus sound like a paedophile the term "golden opportunity" made me think he likes golden showers as well.
4/11/2011 7:04:12 AM
#1287830
5/10/2011 9:47:30 PM
#1287842
Randomwolf42
Holey crap, that's creepy
5/10/2011 11:33:55 PM
#1367979
PinkRangerV
"Happy Halloween! Here, have full-sized chocolate bars."
(I dunno, I can see that happening...)
1/20/2012 4:27:05 PM
#1367992
What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?
...
Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?
So basically he would use the golden opportunity to drop his love in her pumpkin? Eww?
1/20/2012 5:48:56 PM
#1368003
Dr.Shrinker
How the hell would you know what Jesus would do Jack?
And having read your "work," your conception of god is far more scary than anything associated with Halloween.
1/20/2012 6:20:47 PM
#1386199
Quantum Mechanic
Jesus never existed you stupid fuck.
3/27/2012 12:34:00 AM
#1386206
Swede
Brr! That last line creep me out, completely. Pedo Jesus is not a pretty picture, Jacky.
3/27/2012 1:48:33 AM
#1386884
CinnamonGull
"Jesus took some bread and when He had said the blessing He broke it and gave it to the disciples. 'Take it and eat,' He said, 'this is my body.' Then He took a cup and when He had returned thanks He gave it to them. 'Drink all of you from this,' He said, 'for this is my blood'" (Matthew 26:26-28). Then he took some candy and gave it to the girl. 'Take it and eat,' He said 'not because it's blood or flesh or something, but because candy is awesome in the eyes of my Father. And trust not Jack Chick,' He continued, 'for that man is a colossal douche and an embarrassment to all My followers, except the ones that are douchebags like him, I guess.' He frowned. 'I mean, this guy makes his own Messiah sound like a pedo. But fuck him. My point is, candy is awesome. Here, have some.' Having shared His divine wisdom with the girl, Jesus withdrew, leaving her much enlightened on matters of religion and the nature of douchebags, as well as a few new words in her vocabulary.
God damn, I like writing Bible fanfiction.
3/28/2012 10:06:33 AM
#1386980
This..sounds...wrong.
3/28/2012 3:23:32 PM
#1391803
Dr.Shrinker
If Jesus is anything like his groupies, he would ignore the doorbell, then log on to Rapture Ready and whine "OMG I'm Sooooo oppressed! I just wanna go home!!!"
4/12/2012 3:31:32 PM
#1391807
Blue the Thief
THE TRUTH HAS BEEN REVEALED!
4/12/2012 3:39:44 PM
#1391822
Elia
Would you STOP making Jesus sound like a creep? Sheesh, you're not doing your side any favors.
4/12/2012 7:05:55 PM
#1502333
JW
That Jesus sounds like a creepy dude.
2/5/2013 7:07:19 AM
#1502365
Anon-e-moose
[next to a picture of a little girl trick-or-treating]
"What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?"
"would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?"
Jack Prick = Tony Alamo/David J. Stewart.
We don't need to be Freud to figure you lot out.
2/5/2013 8:04:49 AM
#1502483
Blarghonius
"What would Jesus drop into her pumpkin?"
The most awesome candy made of pure manna and rainbows.
"Would Jesus run off to church or hide back in the TV room with the front lights off?..."
Only if he needed to heal a hobo there. For free. Damn socialist!
"Or would He use this golden opportunity to share His love with her?"
He could always try not being a douche like his dad.
2/5/2013 5:35:03 PM
#1502491
You are probably thinking of Gary Glitter.
2/5/2013 5:42:21 PM
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