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Quote# 47094

At the age of thirteen I was thrown into another world by a fateful accident. Clinically pronounced dead, I returned from the afterlife with knowledge rarely glimpsed by the average person. This experience has defined my life as a person with each foot in a different world. Explaining the afterlife to those who have not had a near death experience requires breaking down the illusions that most people hold of what they call "reality". I hope that my experiences can enlighten others while allowing me to share my insights with my fellow humans.

I have received the seal of the beast in afterlife world 20-22 years ago. Main information - the first who meets us in afterlife world is the BEAST which is described in Bible, but not God as many think!
BEAST - this creature has size about 12 meters in height. This creature is able to stay on two legs and has very long tail (so it also 30 meters long including the tail).
IMAGE OF BEAST is any creature who has seal of beast with spirit of beast inside and without man's status!
MARK OF BEAST. After sealing up appears imprint! This imprint has name - mark. It looks like black tattoo which is putted on spirit (not on body) therefore can not be cutted out. It contains the head of dog with iron slam on head.
SEAL OF BEAST. The beast has the seal. It is like iron seal on a long pole. Any host is able to mark by seal of beast.
666 is number of men who will be marked by beast but will be saved!!! (i.e. common number of saved from all who will be marked by beast).
FOREHEAD whole forehead bone from brows up to top of head! The seal of beast is fatal when it putted on forehead or on any hand.
NAME OF THE BEAST. The beast has name, same as any creature who was created by Creator.
NUMBER OF NAME OF THE BEAST is number of people who will call themselves by name of the beast. I.e. 666 is number of people who will be saved from the lake of fire with seal of beast on any place. But the number of name of the beast is number of people who will call themselves same as the beast.
HOST is creature (man or angel) who received the seal of beast!!! Host can to mark up anybody by the seal of beast!
ROD OF IRON is spirit of beast which is inserted into us horizontally.

nickols_k, Forerunner Discussion Board 61 Comments [9/10/2008 10:56:20 AM]
Fundie Index: 4
Submitted By: Damned at Random
WTF?! || meh
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#678935
Aethernaut

I don't know about you, but that "ROD OF IRON" bit sounds kind of euphemistically kinky.

9/10/2008 2:16:37 PM

#678965
GigaGuess

You...didn't get much oxygen during that near death experience, did you?

9/10/2008 2:29:28 PM

#679000
Jax

Science has already explained this. When a person is about to die the brain produces large amounts of DMT and ketamine, which can also be synthesized and are used as street drugs. You were hallucinating.

9/10/2008 2:43:34 PM

#679035
Grigadil

My condolences, nick. Take your pills. It's Quiet Time now.

9/10/2008 3:03:53 PM

#679036
Philbert McAdamia

- the first who meets us in afterlife world is the BEAST which is described in Bible, but not God as many think!

You met the beast instead of god. hahaha - you're going to hell. Have a nice trip.

MARK OF BEAST. After sealing up appears imprint! This imprint has name - mark.

So the beast's name is Mark?

9/10/2008 3:04:39 PM

#679040
Matt7895

Lunatic.

9/10/2008 3:13:38 PM

#679091
Dark_Lord_Prime

@Philbert McAdamia:

No, the seal's name is Mark, and he loves fish.

9/10/2008 3:45:51 PM

#679145
Mr Smith

"At the age of thirteen I was thrown into another world by a fateful accident. Clinically pronounced dead, I returned from the afterlife with knowledge rarely glimpsed by the average person."

Yes, you're special. But in a different way to the one you're thinking of.

9/10/2008 4:25:00 PM

#679222
SKnight

What language is this? I think I should be either impressed or suitably scared (informed is the third, rank outsider possibility) but instead I am finding this hilarious... I suppose it makes more sense in the original language...

9/10/2008 5:18:53 PM

#679223
Larty

From the language, grammar and usage of capital letters and explamation marks, it is evident that the writer was on some kind of drugs, or on religious euphoria while fabricating this text.

9/10/2008 5:19:25 PM

#679228
Pyroclasm

Constantine? Is that you?

9/10/2008 5:23:16 PM

#679252
Old Viking

Beastly boring.

9/10/2008 5:36:37 PM

#679258
Reverend Jeremiah

You should make Fox news aware of this new turn of events.. America DESPERATELY needs a fox news update on this!

9/10/2008 5:38:13 PM

#679260
Son of a Nonymous

Yeah, I've got your ROD OF IRON right here.

9/10/2008 5:38:45 PM

#679301
Chancellor Gorkon

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

Therapist: Oh no, please, please, let’s hear about your childhood.

Dr Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles.

9/10/2008 5:55:32 PM

#679350
Pagnostic

Liar.

9/10/2008 6:14:02 PM

#679378
David D.G.

On the fundie scale, this is a 5.

On the crazy scale, this is a 9.4.


~David D.G.

9/10/2008 6:23:02 PM

#679450
Princess Rot

"ROD OF IRON is spirit of beast which is inserted into us horizontally."

Ouch. I'll bet you've got an asshole like the Grand Canyon.

9/10/2008 6:52:24 PM

#679626
Damned at Random

I don't think English is his native language, so the grammar errors are understandable.

Other than that, he appears to be batshit

9/10/2008 8:47:59 PM

#679747
Jay-Sus

You were warned not to stick your head in that plastic bag.

9/10/2008 9:46:40 PM

#679785
Laura

Late to the party, but man, talk about word salad.

9/10/2008 10:01:39 PM

#681293
G.Fieendish

Re: Nevermore's last post...
It's been done already, in GURPS InNomine, I suspect...
But where are the "Warewolves of God", from the GURPS Shapechangers book, I ask myself...?

9/11/2008 11:48:37 PM

#681335
Xin

This near-death experience ... it was a head injury, wasn't it?

9/12/2008 1:21:36 AM

#681391
Lilith

I was also clinically dead for a while and guess what!
Nothing there! No tunnels, no light, no dead relatives, no smiling saints, no hell, no demons, nothing.

9/12/2008 2:23:28 AM

#681705
Michael

Aged 73 and been pronounced clinically dead twice.
I hope that my experiences can enlighten others while allowing me to share my insights with my fellow humans.
This guy is full of crap.

9/12/2008 1:29:35 PM
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