Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In Forums

Quote# 47710

The best description of Heaven and Hell that I have heard was:

In Hell there is a room full of luxarious food all the best a person could imagine every person has a plate and sppon but the spoon is too big and a person cannot feed themselves so everyone is walking around hungary and with skin and bones

In Heaven it is the same scenario as above except instead of everyone trying to feed themselves people feed each other so nobody is walking around hungary and there is plenty for everyone


[Ooooh, I have a feeling that the people of Hungary may not agree with this version...ROFL!)

ilikecandy, AnswerBag.com 86 Comments [9/16/2008 11:13:05 PM]
Fundie Index: 0
Submitted By: Lola Flores
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
#687457
The L

I've seen this story before. But back then, it was written with correct spelling and grammar.

Ilikecandy, you are guilty of massacring the English language.

9/16/2008 11:15:03 PM
#687460
Altsre

You don't necessarily need a spoon to eat.

9/16/2008 11:17:39 PM
#687461
Dale

Yes! While we homos burn in hell you gluttons thrive in heaven! Oh wait, isn't gluttony a sin?

Your god - FAIL!

9/16/2008 11:17:51 PM
#687462
Rambler

There is no Spoon...

9/16/2008 11:18:21 PM
#687463


In Heaven it is the same scenario as above except instead of everyone trying to feed themselves people feed each other so nobody is walking around hungary and there is plenty for everyone

Democratic Socialist Republic of Heaven. I hear they're testing nukes.

9/16/2008 11:18:58 PM
#687465
Quantum Mechanic

"The best description of Heaven and Hell that I have heard was: "

They're both myths.

That fact notwithstanding, the way I heard it, in heaven the British are cops, the French are cooks and the Germans fix stuff. In hell the Germans are cops, the British are cooks and the French fix stuff.

9/16/2008 11:19:49 PM
#687467
Nisshoku

In hell your internet is down and the neighbor's wifi is always encrypted.

9/16/2008 11:20:26 PM
#687472
Dark_Lord_Prime

Who needs a spoon, when you have perfectly good fingers? (and I'm assuming our fingers will be fine and usable, since we're apparently going to be able to hold our plates and spoons.)

9/16/2008 11:22:31 PM
#687481
Jesus Klingon

You're always hungary?

What, they don't fiji in Hell?

9/16/2008 11:27:04 PM
#687485
Marsten

So, the only problem in hell is, your spoon is too big? That's it? Fine. I'll live my life in a fun and sin-laiden manner, and when I get to hell, I'll just take smaller scoops.

9/16/2008 11:28:30 PM
#687489
JonathanE

Fuck you. If I get hungry, I'll use my fingers.

9/16/2008 11:29:37 PM
#687495
myheadhurts

So turn the spoon around and use the other end.... Miss Manners wouldn't mind.

9/16/2008 11:34:09 PM
#687506
Smith

Is there a trophy we can give Jesus Klingon?

9/16/2008 11:38:06 PM
#687509
nfp

So god's a dick in the afterlife too. Figures.

9/16/2008 11:38:46 PM
#687512
The L

Smith: You mean the Religious Pun Award? Yeah, he's definitely earned it.

9/16/2008 11:40:19 PM
#687523
Brain_In_A_Jar

Ah, the long-handled eating implement story - I not only heard that one when I used to get bundled off to sunday school as a kid but, on one occasion, they actually built some long-handled forks and had us act it out. It's a nice little metaphor, actually, and at a level kids could immediately understand even without the physicalisation; but it had nothing to do with heaven or hell when I heard it, its only purpose was to emphasise the value of cooperation.

This is just as well, since the lesson it teaches about teamwork stands alone, whereas using it to describe hell still doesn't provide a scrap of proof as to the existence of such a place. It also implies that heaven and hell are the way they are based only on the nature of the people who are sent there, yet I can think of plenty of decent, helpful people I'd be perfectly happy to spend eternity with who easily qualify for eternal damnation by most Christian standards. It is also incompatible with your notion that evil is caused by Satan, and further begs the question of why heaven couldn't be established right now in this life if only people can be persuaded to act decently towards each other. Frankly, I think you've misheard or misremembered the analogy and assumed it was a description of heaven and hell when it was originally intended as a message about the nature of this human existence, not the one you believe will come after it.

9/16/2008 11:45:31 PM
#687528
Jay-Sus

Have fun in Hell you fatass glutton.

9/16/2008 11:48:49 PM
#687529
Allegory for Jesus

That's a rather, ummm, childish vision for what our wonderful, transcendant afterlives are supposed to be like. But, then again, I have never accused the Christian faith of having a particularly sophisticated perspective on things...

9/16/2008 11:49:02 PM
#687532
Amanda

I've heard that story too, and I thought it was cute. I don't get what Hungary has to do with it.

9/16/2008 11:51:49 PM
#687541
Ken1971

Well, the best description of Heaven and Hell that I have heard was:

In Heaven the police are British, the chefs are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and it's all organized by the Swiss.

In Hell the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.

I think I first read this here on FSTDT.com so I doff my hat to whoever it was who posted it here first.

9/16/2008 11:55:20 PM
#687552
tracer

Wait ... how does feeding each other get around the problem that your spoons would still be too big?!


EDIT: Or by "too big" did you mean "the handles are too long"? In that case, why would that stop anybody in Hell? They could just hold the spoon part way up the handle.

9/17/2008 12:04:16 AM
#687557
Carrie

Uh, fingers? We'll eat with those, thanks.

And what? In Heaven, nobody is walking around Hungary...so does that mean Hungary is Hell?

9/17/2008 12:07:18 AM
#687567
Malkavian Jeff

So all the food stripped from the hungry children in africa are being hogged by God? What a douchebag.

Oh and sppon was funny, so was Hungary but the submitter beat me to it.

9/17/2008 12:11:22 AM
#687573
SomeGuyInAHat

Username could not be more appropriate.

9/17/2008 12:14:04 AM
#687587
Paschal Wagner

Bring spork in casket. Got it.

9/17/2008 12:24:10 AM
1 2 3 4