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Quote# 47844

I had my first conscious encounter with a demon yesterday. It was in my wife. It was a demon of Suicide. When I commanded it to speak, my wife's heart started racing, she began breathing hard, shivering, felt like she was going to puke, her voice box tightened, and she got a nose bleed. Needless to say, being new at this, we decided it would be a good idea to stop and seek someone with a little more experience.

I'm pretty positive that she also has some kind of generational occult demon, as her mom, grandpa, great grandma and grandpa have all been very high-ranking in Freemasonry. My wife often has stomach problems, battles anger and rage (she's a sweet heart normally, but sometimes things just get overwhelming and it's almost like she loses control), depression, self-esteem issues, etc. I mean, you name it, we're pretty darn sure she's got some demons.

jmcrist, Ministering Deliverance 48 Comments [9/27/2008 2:35:30 AM]
Fundie Index: 4
Submitted By: fritistat
WTF?! || meh
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Smith

Does this happen every month at a certain time?

9/27/2008 2:37:29 AM

Mortok

This is the most creative excuse for wife-beating that I've ever seen.

9/27/2008 2:41:54 AM

Smith

"and (after I hit her in the face) she got a nose bleed"

Forgot a few words.

9/27/2008 2:43:31 AM

Dracori

I'm willing to bet the first paragraph is a load of shit. And if it's not, most sane people would rush someone to the hospital when something like that happens, not stand there and yell at them. And something tells me this person with "a little more experience" isn't a doctor.

9/27/2008 2:46:15 AM

Old Viking

Anger, rage, depression, self-esteem issues. Your wife is clinically depressed. It's treatable -- take it from one who knows -- but you are doubtless far too stupid to seek professional help.

9/27/2008 2:48:30 AM

myheadhurts

Bipolar disorder? Asthma? Forget the demons, get her to a real doctor.

9/27/2008 2:50:49 AM

SurfinSeaOtter

She needs a nice healthy dose of divorce, that'll fix everything

9/27/2008 2:52:34 AM

Jay-Sus

It was a demon of Suicide.

Beating her shitless daily for a few years will do that.

9/27/2008 2:57:50 AM

Fdragon

Is there such a thing as a Demon of Stupid? 'Cause I am starting to think that he might be rampant amongest fundies...

9/27/2008 3:05:56 AM

Reverend Jeremiah

GOD DAMN..these fundies are a fucking weird sort..fucking scarry weird. Stop punching your wife in the nose and blaming it on demons.

9/27/2008 3:34:18 AM

kingoftheheavies

Nosebleeds? Self-esteem issues?

Oooh, what a big, bad, scary demon!

I promise you, if she would sac-up a pair, and leave you, her self-esteem would return, and the nosebleeds would stop.

Abusive prick tough guy.

9/27/2008 3:54:02 AM

Illuminatalie

"I'm pretty positive that she also has some kind of generational occult demon"
One of those inherited demons? Ah, there's nothing worse. Who left her that demon? Can the will be contested in court? Maybe a voodoo ceremony might work - buy the necessary critters from your local bodega and play "Atom Heart Mother" by candlelight while attempting to levitate her. You haven't come near to exhausting your options really.

9/27/2008 4:21:07 AM

Carrie

"I'm pretty positive that she also has some kind of generational occult demon, as her mom, grandpa, great grandma and grandpa have all been very high-ranking in Freemasonry."

What the fuck does this even mean?

9/27/2008 4:30:37 AM

perdurabo

Freemasonic cooties? Damn dude.....seek therapy.

9/27/2008 4:56:00 AM

Hakar

How do these people function in a modern society?

9/27/2008 5:09:22 AM

anonymous_troy

"It was in my wife"

And just what do you think you were doing in there?

"My wife often has stomach problems, battles anger and rage ... we're pretty darn sure she's got some demons."

Or psycho problems Get her some therapy and stop being a wuss.

Also, the following sentences were marked as "LOL SECKZ":

"my wife's heart started racing, she began breathing hard, shivering, ... and she got a nose bleed. Needless to say, being new at this, we decided it would be a good idea to stop and seek someone with a little more experience."

Ha. experience. Sounds like quite the experience to me.

9/27/2008 5:09:26 AM

Dark_Lord_Prime

"When I commanded it to speak, my wife's heart started racing, she began breathing hard, shivering, felt like she was going to puke, her voice box tightened, and she got a nose bleed."

Translation: "I slapped her and told her to stop it. Then she started sobbing, and that just pissed me off more, so I grabbed her throat with both hands until she couldn't breathe. Then I punched her, and her nose started bleeding."


"Needless to say, being new at this, we decided it would be a good idea to stop and seek someone with a little more experience."

Translation: "Well, that's when I got hold of myself, and when I saw what I'd done, I started to panic and damn near shit myself. She staggered to the phone and called the police."


"I'm pretty positive that she also has some kind of generational occult demon, as her mom, grandpa, great grandma and grandpa have all been very high-ranking in Freemasonry."

Translation: "It's not my fault, you know! Her whole damn family is fuckin' crazy as shit."


"My wife often has stomach problems, battles anger and rage (she's a sweet heart normally, but sometimes things just get overwhelming and it's almost like she loses control), depression, self-esteem issues, etc. I mean, you name it, we're pretty darn sure she's got some demons."

Translation: "She whines about her ulcers, and she's schizophrenic and depressed; she rants about the way she looks, etc. I tell you, she's pretty fucked up, and I'm not all that sane, myself."

9/27/2008 5:12:48 AM

Pete

Another deluded rant from the home of internet psychosis.

I think your wife is probably just having a panic-attack every time you start your bizarre demon-hunting bullshit. You should certainly both go and see someone with more experience - a psychiatrist.

9/27/2008 5:30:04 AM

Jud

Wait, aren't Freemasons exclusively men?

What the fuck?

9/27/2008 5:51:58 AM

Beltaine

From "Ministering Deliverance"....why does the phrase "Demon, come forth in Jesus's name, so that we may make thy squeal like a pig" come to mind...

9/27/2008 5:59:53 AM

Stumpy

Those sound like the side effects of a cocaine addiction to me...

9/27/2008 6:11:56 AM



It was a demon of Suicide. When I commanded it to speak, my wife's heart started racing, she began breathing hard, shivering, felt like she was going to puke, her voice box tightened, and she got a nose bleed.

I'm *hoping* that you didn't scream at the "demon"/her after a suicide attempt. If you did, you'd be a pretty big dick.

Seriously jmcrist, your wife needs help. She sounds seriously depressed. I don't know that an occult demon is to blame here.

9/27/2008 7:26:38 AM

Natasha

I reckon your wife is suicidal because she is trapped in a marriage with you. I bet that the encounter you had with a 'demon' happened straight after you smacked her around.

You should both get help from licensed professionals, not from Ministering Deliverance. Please.

9/27/2008 7:46:14 AM

Michael

Just highlights what a crock of shit christianity truly is.

9/27/2008 9:51:22 AM

aaa

Blame the masons...

9/27/2008 10:00:40 AM
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