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Quote# 48290

I agree! I know what you are saying. Before I was even a follower, nothing happened, I got presents and I was blind and ignorant and that's what Satan wanted. Then, as I started to follow Christ, bad things began happening. There were many times where he tried to kill me through food poisoning, accidents, falls off horses, anything that he could think of to hurt or destroy me in some way.

I AM happy deep down inside, but being a follower means enduring the hate of others, and that includes the devil, and there is no way to avoid it.

Near, RaptureReady 46 Comments [9/28/2008 9:48:41 PM]
Fundie Index: 2
WTF?! || meh
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Redneck Bimbo Governor

Hoo boy think I'll just rush right out and join your jebus cult. I need even more problems in my life now, what with my five children, knocked up daughter, deteriorating political career...

9/28/2008 9:52:02 PM

Smith

Or maybe Jesus is saying "get the fuck out."

9/28/2008 9:56:51 PM

afacelessatheist

Um, why is it that nothing that happens to you has anything to do with your decisions or actions? When it's something good it's presents and when it's something bad it's the debbil. How about you take some fucking responsibility for your own life.

9/28/2008 9:57:08 PM

Eden

Sounds like becoming a believer worsened your life ;)

9/28/2008 9:57:38 PM

fromdownunder

By extending Near's argument logically, people who do not follow Jesus will never get food poisoning, fall off a horse or get killed. OK, I'll stick with what I've got.

Norm

9/28/2008 10:10:23 PM

BreeStar

Are you sure that wasn't Jesus trying to tell you you fucked up?

9/28/2008 10:18:26 PM

werewolf

Who hates you? I kinda missed that.

9/28/2008 10:20:57 PM

WMDKitty

WAAAAAHHH I'm PERSECUTED 'cuz I'z a Christ-fag!

9/28/2008 10:25:23 PM

Ash

Post hoc ergo propter hoc, Dimwit.

9/28/2008 10:35:12 PM

Grogs

What the heck? Didn't you ever even read your bible? Why the hell would Satan want to *kill* a true believer? Satan tried to tempt Jesus, not kill him (you God did that). If you die a 'true believer', you go to heaven and that's a soul Satan has lost. Instead, he should be sending money, power, and hookers your way to tempt you to turn away from God.

Therefore, it must be God that's giving you food poisoning, making you fall off of horses, etc.

9/28/2008 10:40:02 PM

Elphada

Christ tried to kill you?


"I am happy deep down inside" translates "I'm not."

9/28/2008 10:42:28 PM

myheadhurts

That has got to be the all time Jesus anti-advertisement.

9/28/2008 10:44:23 PM

Illuminatalie

Conceited enough to think the laws of physics are routinely superceded, all for you.

9/28/2008 10:58:58 PM

Mortok

Or you could, I dunno...quit?

9/28/2008 11:11:47 PM

KDH

"Then, as I started to follow Christ, bad things began happening. There were many times where he tried to kill me through food poisoning, accidents, falls off horses, anything that he could think of to hurt or destroy me in some way."

I think Jesus is trying to tell you to stop stalking him. That's the impression I get from reading that.

9/28/2008 11:19:18 PM

Empress

Wow. No self-absorbtion or ego problems here!!

9/28/2008 11:26:29 PM

Mayhem

So, you're happier now that your life sucks? That's really pathetic.

9/28/2008 11:37:01 PM

Old Viking

Evwybody hates us, nobody wuvs us, I want my mommy.

9/28/2008 11:44:34 PM

Mrs. Antichrist

So you've gotten food poisoning, ended up in accidents, fallen off a horse and been put through hell since becoming a fundie... perhaps your God is trying to tell you something?

9/29/2008 12:03:19 AM

Berny

I always love the way Jehovah and Jesus are supposed to gather more faithful.

"Let's give this one cancer."
"Hang on Junior, I have a better idea. Let's give his kids cancer!"

Fuck 'em both!

9/29/2008 12:03:47 AM

John

Then, as I started to follow Christ, bad things began happening.

The classic "what a fool believes" self-fulfilling prophesy: if I was crossing the street and a car missed me, it's because Jesus saved me. If I got hit, it's because Satan hated me and was trying to destroy my faith.

There were many times where he [Satan] tried to kill me through food poisoning, accidents, falls off horses, anything that he could think of to hurt or destroy me in some way.

I'm sure the Islamic fanatic in Pakistan who set himself on fire while trying to burn an American flag had some similar theory. It never occurs to these holier-than-thou know-it-alls that maybe God was telling them they're full of shit.

9/29/2008 12:39:17 AM



Gee these are the most unlucky, miserable, depressing group of "Christians" ever! Maybe it comes from being so weak in your religion that you fear everyone else's beliefs and insult them, or more likely, you and your RR buddies have no more bad luck than anyone else, you just practice a "one-upmanship" in false persecution stories and imagined slights for your religion.

9/29/2008 1:12:56 AM

anonymous

I've followed Nobody and he's been giving me hell my whole life!

9/29/2008 1:25:38 AM

Sasha

Translation: "I'm better than you because I suffer so much."

9/29/2008 2:48:01 AM

KatAutumn

ZOMG Imagine that! Life didn't improve once you accepted Jebus. And food poisoning, accidents and falling off of horses don't mean shit. Or could mean you are clumsy and eat in unclean eating establishments. Like those all you can eat buffets fundies love to frequent after Sunday morning service (even though working on the Sabbath is a sin. I guess it's alright if it's other people working to serve your fat asses).

9/29/2008 3:50:35 AM
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