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#710414
Illuminatalie
Very very strange.
There's a phone sex spirit? Is he the one responsible when the receiver gets jammed up your ass?
"Masterbation" is caused by spirits? Can you catch those spirits from monkeys?
As for "putting to death" the earthly fleshly desires - you can't really put sexual desires 'to death' unless you remove enough of the brain to prevent them from ever occurring. You first...
"Word of God, place portions of it in your undergarments"
I tried that but I got some awful papercuts.
10/7/2008 3:19:46 AM
#710419
MichaelL
Fuck it, I welcome the incubis and succubis... Especially if they let me blow my load in their mouths and give me a good ass reaming!
10/7/2008 3:26:45 AM
#710430
KatAutumn
Last time I ripped up a Bible and used the pages for underpants...wait, that never fucking happened. How come I don't have any sexy demonic dreams?
10/7/2008 3:45:50 AM
#710511
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
I'm so using a Bible instead of a tampon from now on.
10/7/2008 6:43:51 AM
#710517
G Zimmer
This needs to be in the top 100.
@ MichaelL
G-host blowjob! Woo woo woo woo!
10/7/2008 6:53:50 AM
#710527
HoJuSimpson
@ myheadhurts, This might work better. :D
10/7/2008 7:19:48 AM
#710528
Romana Twelve
Warren: "I get the feeling that rubbing sacred oil on your "special parts" might end up causing more of these problems than it solves."
The bigger and harder it gets, the more the blessing is seeping in. You might have to do it several times a week, too. Y'know, for maximum holiness.
>the apostle Paul encourages saints to "put to death" the earthly fleshly desires--you must kill it.
Yes, mix sex and violent death in your mind until they're inextricably intertwined. That's really really healthy, and certainly not the sort of thing serial killers do.
10/7/2008 7:35:26 AM
#710680
John_in_Oz
Wow, the spirit of cybersex must have had the cushiest job ever! "Who here wants to do nothing for 6 thousand years until the last decade before the Rapture?" [/Fundiespeak]
10/7/2008 2:42:57 PM
#710683
Princess Rot
Why do fundies always list homosexuality and lesbianism as if they're two separate things? It's really fucking annoying.
10/7/2008 2:50:37 PM
#710763
Anonymous
Yep. Most religions advocate placing their most sacred texts next to our private parts. Brilliant, Genius!
10/7/2008 4:02:25 PM
#710785
Laughing Man
I used the "sacred oil" but that just seemed to make things worse, and sexier ;)
10/7/2008 4:18:34 PM
#710789
Laughing Man
"Word of God, place portions of it in your undergarments"
And did he just seriously advocate people who like anal wipe their ass with bible pages?????
10/7/2008 4:20:27 PM
#710809
Cap'n Mel
Lmao @ the incredible stupidity.
10/7/2008 4:47:59 PM
#710857
Dog's Best Friend
Dudes and Dudettes, I've totally found a new business to go into! Blood of Jesus, Inc will soon be found in all local retail outlets, featuring such fine products as Blood of Jesus knickers (pre-stuffed with recycled bible passages), Blood of Jesus moist towelettes (for those on-the-go!), Blood of Jesus Soap-on-a-Rope (to wash away the sins), and Blood of Jesus I.V. drip (to really connect with your soulful spirit fairy). Oh, I'm so excited! Now if I just had a website and $100,000, I could get this idea rolling!
10/7/2008 5:34:25 PM
#711575
CJ
Mortok ftw!
10/8/2008 3:44:21 AM
#1002629
Wait, if sex is unatural and caused by spirits and demons, how does humankind survive?
8/8/2009 4:39:08 AM
#1002932
Philbert McAdamia
Blood of Jesus -
Never heard of it. Wouldn't it be Ichor?
If it's as available as pieces of the True Cross, though, there must be oceans of it around.
8/8/2009 9:01:43 PM
#1002934
anti-nonsense
Putting paper in your undies sounds rather uncomfortable, I think I'll pass, and if anybody ever rapes me I'll do the reasonable thing and report it to the cops.
Also spirits of *phone sex*? What the heck?
I've had roleplay sex on a MUD once. And I masturbate.
8/8/2009 9:43:13 PM
#1002939
Swedish Pagan
I can't help but feeling sorry for these people who make it so hard to just be alive and liking it.
I thought incubi and succubi were just inventions of man, as scapegoats for earthly pleasures... Oh, well, looks like I was right.
Spirits raping you? And they are supposed to be stopped by mere pages from a book?
Fill your room with [..] the blood of Jesus? Nah, I think I'll pass on that one, thank you.
Sex is good for you, it relieves tension (which these people REALLY seems to need), it gives you a whole body workout, having sex with another consenting adult creates or strengthens bonds of unity and harmony.
Isn't "lesbanism" a form of homosexuality? Or is it not the "real kind", as there is no "buttsecks"?
8/8/2009 10:33:19 PM
#1017287
warnersimpress@yahoo.com
GOD SAID: those who keep their mind on Him shall be in perfect peace. (I had no peace every time I read what you wrote. I do not believe most of what you wrote. It is not of God. Whatsoever things are TRUE, whatsoever things are HONEST,
whatsoever things are JUST, whatsoever things
are PURE, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are OF A GOOD REPORT, if there
be ANY VIRTUE, and if there be ANY PRAISE,
THINK ON THESE THINGS.
9/3/2009 7:30:50 PM
#1017288
warnersimpress@yahoo.com
GOD SAID: those who keep their mind on Him shall be in perfect peace. (I had no peace every time I read what you wrote. I do not believe most of what you wrote. It is not of God. Whatsoever things are TRUE, whatsoever things are HONEST,
whatsoever things are JUST, whatsoever things
are PURE, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are OF A GOOD REPORT, if there
be ANY VIRTUE, and if there be ANY PRAISE,
THINK ON THESE THINGS.
9/3/2009 7:31:51 PM
#1193010
Rapax Pringer
@ warnersimpress@yahoo.com
What is WITH the ambiguous CAPSLOCK?
Also...
"Word of God, place portions of it in your undergarments if they are raping you"
brb can't stop laughing
8/15/2010 11:45:54 AM
#1193019
Neith
"Word of God, place portions of it in your undergarments"
You mean wipe your ass with it?
8/15/2010 12:20:10 PM
#1193102
Elia
masterbation - BIIIG check
fornication - not yet
sodomy - see above
homosexuality - nope
lesbanism - do occasional fantasies count?
sexual bondage - not yet
cyber sex - done my share, it's not horrible
phone sex - done it, better than cyber
necrophilia - YOU SICKO GET AWAY FROM ME!
8/15/2010 5:14:55 PM
#1278685
Servant Of Jesus
I have personally witnessed Jay Bartlett helping people through deliverence and have participated with him. He has also personally helped me locate evil spirits that were tormenting me. He is very genuine. Please don't mock what you do not understand. If you read the bible, it clearly tells us that there are demons and that people become possessed by them.
4/14/2011 8:24:42 AM
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