Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 49223

This is a printable .pdf leaflet with instructions for those left behind after the rapture. Needless to say, it's quite... special.

"This message has been left for you by a friend or a relative who has recently disappeared along with millions of people around the world.

(...)

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all these people. The theories of scientists and world leaders will have so much credibility that most of the world will believe them. It will sound like the truth!

But, there is only one truth. And that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all those who believed in Him and made Him their Lord."

jesuschristis.com, jesuschristis.com 26 Comments [10/9/2008 6:11:35 AM]
Fundie Index: 2
Submitted By: MrGoodBytes
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2
threshold

There must be some way to profit off these people.

10/9/2008 6:13:58 AM

Johannes9126

Bad news, nuthead: The rapture already happened and nobody was taken to heaven.

10/9/2008 6:22:49 AM

Grigori Yefimovich

How to commit the perfect murder?

10/9/2008 6:28:52 AM

Mortok

Or, much more likely, you were sucked into the vacuum of your own empty mind.

10/9/2008 6:29:23 AM

myheadhurts

The Rapture already happened. Likely, scientists have covered it up and your ministers tell you it is yet to come. That is because they are all under the influence of Satan so it sounds like the truth! You missed out. Sorry. Good luck in the coming days.

10/9/2008 7:59:07 AM

The Jamo

Missing persons for Jesus?

10/9/2008 8:41:09 AM

Higgs Boson

I'd love to go around a neighbourhood where people believe in the rapture one night and secretly put loads of piles of clothes in the street, arranged in a way so that they look like people have been called up to heaven, leaving their clothes behind them.

Watching the people emerge the next morning and try to rationalise it would be most amusing.

10/9/2008 8:52:53 AM

Nate!

I thought only 144,000 people were going to be 'called into heaven' as per Revelations, and even those would be Jewish virgins. I can't really keep up with fundies.

10/9/2008 8:57:43 AM

Doctor Fishcake

Needless to say, it's quite... special.


10/9/2008 9:12:56 AM

David B.

If millions of people, who all happened to be Christians, simultaneously disappeared out of their clothes one day I think even Richard Dawkins would concede that it may just possibly have been the rapture.

What'd be funny would be surfing onto RR and reading all the excuses the regulars come up with for having been 'left behind'.

10/9/2008 9:20:07 AM

Waiting for God

Johannes is quite right. The rapture already happened but no-one met the criteria for ascension into heaven.

I mean have any of these fundies obeyed all of the ten commandments?

Have they given away all of their monies to the poor?

Have they turned the other cheek?

Embraced the meek and lived humbly?

Never coveted neighbour's ass?

10/9/2008 9:35:49 AM

Dan Onymous

What is this obsession with thinking that nobody will be able to work out where they've all gone if it happens?

10/9/2008 10:03:41 AM



I just want to put up one of those billboards. "What the heck is a rapture?"-God!

10/9/2008 10:44:28 AM

Bored One-time Poster

This is pretty sad.

But just for the sake of argument: if millions of people, from different places, simultaneously disappear and leave all their possessions as they were, with no trace of a body, I'll look into that rapture thing you keep going on about.

Now do you see why science seems more plausible in most cases? In that it's at least based on reality?

10/9/2008 10:45:40 AM

Wombat

@ Waiting for God,,,

I never coveted my neighbour's ass,,,,,, but his wife's ass is a different matter,,,,

10/9/2008 11:44:46 AM

Freboy

It's been the end times since forever...

10/9/2008 12:10:50 PM

David B.

@Wombat:

Unless they are living separately, your neighbour's wife is also your neighbour.

I can honestly say I've never coveted my neighbour's ass. I'm usually to busy scoping out her rack...

10/9/2008 1:11:53 PM

practical_god

@ Wombat & David B.

I have ugly neighbors. Must mean I'm going to heaven.

10/9/2008 2:01:01 PM

kingoftheheavies

Ever notice how it always seems to be clothes lying about? What is this obsession with being naked with jebus? How ghey is that?

10/9/2008 2:12:46 PM

JohnTheAtheist

@threshold

Yea, that's what I've been saying, there has to be a way to make money off of these dolts.

I want to sell Rapture Insurance, you know pay a one time premium and after the rapture we will come take care of your house and pets, shit like that...I mean, I think that they think they are coming back after 7 years right? So...they would want the house cleaned and stuff cause cleanliness is next to godliness.

10/9/2008 2:16:11 PM

Headache

I'll remember to put your "Rapture Kit" in the coffin alongside you.

10/9/2008 2:48:14 PM

aaa

I found a cash cow.

10/9/2008 3:38:04 PM

Lucilius

Atheists should start a Crapture service. The nonreligious or simply non-Christian could subscribe, and provide the names, e-mail and phone numbers of all the fundie fanatics they know. At 6 a.m. every single day, for what will undoubtedly be thousands of years to come, each designated person would get an automatic message "Hey, dumbass, you're still here. You were wrong again. That's XXXX years, XX months, XX days – and still counting."

10/9/2008 6:48:17 PM

Old Viking

There won't be all that much speculation. Just a whole bunch of us walking around discarded clothes from Wal-Mart and enjoying the silence.

10/9/2008 7:41:11 PM

Devonian

"along with millions of people around the world. "
iirc, the Bible said only 144.000 people would be saved. Sounds like some damn bad odds to me...

10/9/2008 9:03:10 PM
1 2