The Illuminati have nurtured a child, Satan's son, who was born on 6 June 1966 at the Dakota House on 72nd Street in New York to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis of the Rothschild/Kennedy families. The Pope was present at the birth and performed necromantic ceremonies. The child was raised by former U.S. president Richard Nixon and now lives in Belgium, where it is hooked up bodily to a computer called “The Beast 3M” or “3666.
73 comments
Cool! What a great religion. Here's one of their beliefs:
Disco was created by the devil to win the souls of the Nubians.
I've heard a lot of people say disco is the work of the devil, but this is the first time there's been a rationale!
Crap, I dont care if this is a poe, im going to use this in a role playing game xD
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In any way, he would die if they install windows vista xD
What do these people smoke?
WTF is up with "3666"? The Devil's making this overly complicated now, isn't he?
Which part of Belgium? The Dutch-speaking side up north or the French-speaking side down south?
You mentioned 3M. Do you mean he's literally glued to a computer like Post-it?
And the Pope present at his birth would have been Pope Paul VI, right?
Well, obviously he's in the small bit of Belgium that speaks German, because German is evil.
Interesting that there's no record of the Pope being in America at that time. Does the Pope have a teleportation machine? And why wasn't this child around when Nixon was in the White House?
I can't stand people who are intolerant of other people.
And Belgiums.
Great, very detailed. This is the best one I've heard in years. Just one question, though...Exactly WHAT kind of connection do they use to hook up the AC to the computer? It seems like the body couldn't support that kind of power, unless it's Sixties technology. Also, another question...is it a Mac, or is it Windows, and if it's Windows, has it updated to Vista yet? I think that would make a difference in how powerful he actually becomes. Because if the computer's still using Windows 3.1, then we probably don't have much to worry about.
If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, the devil appears, bites off your genitals, and carries you off to hell.
If you play it forwards, it's worse. It installs Windows.
That entire website is filled with so much crazy.
And the pope is a necromancer? Paul VI had the power to raise the freaking dead...
Not surprising considering we know that the current one can shoot lightning from his hands.
The child was raised by former U.S. president Richard Nixon and now lives in Belgium, where it is hooked up bodily to a computer
I think I've seen this movie. Doesn't it fire all the american nukes at Russia to spark a nuclear war? Then it sends a robot back in time to kill Sarah Conner doesn't it?
"The Pope was present at the birth and performed necromantic ceremonies."
What were those "necromantic" ceremonies? Animate Dead? Speak With Dead? Wail of the Banshee? What is the Pope's caster level? Is he a divine spellcaster or an arcane spellcaster? What material components did he use? Did the baby Antichrist need to make a Saving Throw?
@ people calling this a Poe:
Nope, he's totally serious. Mr. York is the former leader of a sect called the Nuwaubians. They had a big Egyptian-themed compound in Putnam County, GA; till Mr. York got arrested for child molestation.
Look up the Nuwaubians on Wikipedia, it's full of all kinds of Grade-A crazy
Well, Dutch is a pretty unholy language, but still...
@Jeff Weskamp: I'd guess he'd be a divine caster. They could be the best necromancers in DnD 3.x, if I remember correctly. I have no clue how it'd work in 4th edition, or under 1st edition rules.
Every time I see the word "Illuminati" I start laughing because I know it's going to be followed by some batshit insane conspiracy theory.
@Adrian: yeah, IIRC ,3E clerics got Animate Dead as a 3rd level spell, while it was a 5th level spell for wizards, and clerics were the only ones that got Create Greater Undead.
I have no idea what it's like in 4E,I quit reading the 4E Player's Handbook when I saw what they did to the alignment system.
Well, that's different. CTSTDT? Give it an A+ for creative writing. Now I know why I barely scraped by in high school English. Very tough assignments began, "Write a story.." This guy had no trouble with that, and probably blew me out of the water.
I have too much faith in humanity to believe that this is not a troll.
Yes, I know I am a fool for that.
So a 46 year old man, lives in Belgium and spends all day on the computer ?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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