Earth: Billions of years?! Ha! You're off by a couple powers of ten! I'm really 6,000 years old, give or take a century!
Secular Scientist: 6,000?! NO WAY!!
Earth: Yes, way! So much for evolution, huh?
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Why does the 'Earth' sound like some petulant middle-aged moron having some kind of mid-life crisis?
Earth: There’s no way I’m that old and I resent you even mentioning it. Now, excuse me, I have to go buy a red sports car.
Earth: Yes, Way! So much for evolution, huh?
God: No, Way! You guys are still believing this crap?
Wow. Your rational, logical, and thought-provoking argument has left me cringing in shame that I ever believed otherwise, and I have since changed my view. Brilliantly played, sir.
Oh, yeah? Well, I saw a movie on one of the international stations where the earth talked and said that the Bhagavad-Gita is true. It's good that the movie was subtitled, sine the earth evidently speaks Hindi.
Well, the Earth is actually telling you, if you really listen, that it is approx 4.54 billion years old.
Not once have the Earth told anyone that it is only 6000 years old, the only ones who think that it is, are brainwashed religious morons.
Unicorns: Non-existent?! Ha! You're very, very wrong! There are really 6,000 of us, give or take a few.
Secular Scientist: Unicorns! NO WAY!!
Unicorn: Yes, way! So much for evolution, huh?
Well fuck me stupid, if we could have just asked the Earth in the first place, all this science shit would have been a whole lot easier. If only the Christians hadn't wiped out all the old pagans who knew how...
And the Earth speaks English, too!
And uses silly catch-phrases like "Yes, Way!"
But how is the Earth talking to the Secular Scientist? Did a mouth open up in the ground? Is the voice being produced by earth tremors?
This whole thing is so STUPID, it belongs in a Chick Tract!
Yeah, your fictional conversation with the Earth dosen't actually amount to evidence surprisingly enough....
Rock: Gravity?! Ha! I'm actually held down by thousands of angels with elastic bands
Secular Scientist: Angels and elastic bands?! NO WAY!!
Rock: Yes, way! So much for the theory of gravity, huh?
Rock: Also, I'm a talking rock! Neato!
Anthropomorphizing the earth?! PAGAN EARTH WORSHIPER! BURN THE WITCH! :p
Seriously, though, bring some evidence other than "my pastor said" and we'll listen.
Earth: I'm 6,000 years old.
Scientist: No way.
Earth: Way.
Scientist: No way, Dude.
Earth: WAY!
Scientist, convinced: Way.
I kinda like that scientist's DBZ hair. Of course, I mean that in an ironic, funny-but-not-in-the-way-it's-supposed-to-be, I'm-laughing-AT-him-not-WITH-him sorta way.
Oh, and the OMG KAWAIII ANIMUU expression on the Earth...can't forget that :/
Since that human character has seriously DBZ-style hair:
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about the age of the Earth?"
"It's way, way, way over 9000!"
Earth: Billions of years?! Ha! You're off by a couple powers of ten! I'm really 6,000 years old, give or take a century!
Secular Scientist: 6,000?! NO WAY!!
Earth: Yes, way! So much for evolution, huh?
Nurse: Oh god, he's pretending to be a scientist and talking to the ground again. DOCTOR! This fundie needs another dose of his medication!
Secular scientist: Wow! So what does that mean about all the evidence to your age being billions of years!
Earth: ...
Secular scientist: You know, the radioactive dating, the magnetic pole reversals, the dating of meteorite impacts, that sort of thing?
Earth: ...
SS: Geology?
Earth: ...
SS: Why don't you ever answer me, Earth?
Huh. The Earth claiming to be 6000 years old makes me think of a friend's mother, who (apparently) between the ages of 30 and 44 claimed she was 29. There's nothing to be ashamed of, Gaia my dear. We'll all love you no matter how old you are.
Earth: ha ha!
Scientist: Wait a second, that voice, it... sounds familiar.
Scientist: KIRK CAMERON-- In an earth costume! I should have known!
Kirk Cameron: :(
I've been saying this alot lately, but, HOLY SHIT! A scienist is talking to the earth? That's pretty whacked out, even for a fundy. And the fact that simply implying that the earth is only 6000 years old is enough to convince a scientist that it's true? And the 'Bill and Ted' dialogue is just the icing on the cake. I imagine that this is more the way 7 year olds talk to each other.
Edit: That scientist's hair does look like Vegeta. But if the earth would have back-talked him like that, he would have just destroyed it.
Secular Scientist: Actually, I'm more astounded that you learned to talk. Planets don't have vocal cords...unless...oh, there's a ventriloquist behind that rock, damn.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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