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So a athiest, a over educated unemployed kid and biker all died?

All three wake up in heaven before a great white thrown. There is a whole bunch of people watching from a distance. Around the thrown are 24 people dressed in white robes. On the Thrown is the Father of all mankind. To the left is the accuser of of mankind Satan. On the right is the defender of mankind Jesus. The first to go on trial is the athiest, who was then accused by satan of foolishness. Athiest replies "I do not believe in any of this stuff". His was a short trail. Then the educated kid was accused of having a false god, intellect. He was found guilty on the spot. Then the biker was on trial, satan then started to accuse him. Then Jesus said "hold on now satan from my records his case has been setteled already"
his name is writen in the Lambs book and he actually as a reward coming. As a matter of fact his bill is paid in full. I have found no fault on him. The Judge then rules from the bench. You shall live and not die.
So which of these 3 people are you?

117 comments

old comment by Xotan

a atheist?
a over educated?

The the sentence ends with an interrogation mark. However the diatribe continues as though it were a statement.

I simply love the great white thrown. What was thrown?
Who thrrew it? Do tell!

His was a short trail... Where did the trail lead? Into the Rockies? Across the prairie? Or does he mean trIal?

The Jesus begins to sound like Perry Mason. By now I'm holding backthe laughter with great difficulty, especially as the case has been setteled (sic).

The Biker's name is 'in the Lambs book'. The Lamb's apostrophe got lost. Then somehow an 'h' got lost from 'has'.

Then the Judge rules that the biker shall live and not die, which is rather odd, as it is clearly stated at the start they are all dead....

A troll?

old comment by ArcWolf

That isn't how judgement works.

I'm sure the athiest's "trail" was really a "trial," so I'll comment on that assumption. The author doesn't say the athiest was found guilty of anything; only that it was short. There is nothing in the "good book" about being smart is a sin, though it does warn of the great burden it brings.

@Xotan
No, christians believe that after they die and are judged worthy, they go to heaven and get everlasting life. The unworthy get sent to burn in hell for all eternity. You could ask them what that's supposed to mean (being dead to start with but living forever?) or what the difference is between "living" forever in heaven or "living" forever in hell but you'd get the same "it's in the book" arguements they seem to have for everything.

old comment by John

The first to go on trial was the atheist, who was then accused by Satan of foolishness. Atheist replied "There are a thousand religions with people killing each other over them. Why haven't you guys come down in full view of mankind and settled the matter? And why does God allow people to get killed in earthquakes? And why do you, Satan, even exist? And why should my eternal fate decided by a single seventy-year test to which the answers were hidden?". God turned red as a beet and mumbled some excuse.

Then the educated kid was accused of having a false god, intellect. He said "The false god of intellect cured the Plague with a few dollars worth of antibiotics while the real God allowed a third of the population of Europe to die from it. God is sending a mixed message here." God scratched His head.

Then the biker was on trial. Satan started to accuse him. But Jesus said "Hold on now, Satan. Sure he was a thieving, lying, violent, drug-dealing, child-molesting piece of crap. But from my records, he was a fundamentalist Baptist who groveled to me and called me his personal savior every day; so his bill is paid in full. I have found no fault on him." God then rules from the bench" "You shall live and not die".

Then the Uber-God who made the universe comes down and sends Jesus, Satan and God to hell.

old comment by Griffin

So an Athiest, an over educated unemployed kid and a biker all died.

All three wake up in heaven before a great white throne. There is a whole bunch of people watching from a distance. Around the throne are 24 people dressed in white robes. On the throne is the Father of all mankind. To the left is the accuser of of mankind Satan. On the right is the defender of mankind Jesus. The first to go on trial is the Atheist, who was then accused by Satan of foolishness. The Atheist replies "I do not believe in any of this stuff". His was a short trial. Then the educated kid was accused of having a false god, intellect. He was found guilty on the spot. Then the biker was on trial, Satan then started to accuse him. Then Jesus said "Hold on now Satan from my records his case has been settled already,
his name is written in the Lambs book and he actually has a reward coming. As a matter of fact his bill is paid in full. I have found no fault on him." The Judge then rules from the bench. You shall live and not die.
So which of these 3 people are you?

F- See me after class.

old comment by

\\\\\\"So a athiest, a over educated unemployed kid and biker all died?\\\\\\"

Is this a question?

\\\\\\"All three wake up in heaven before a great white thrown.\\\\\\"

A great white thrown what?

\\\\\\"There is a whole bunch of people watching from a distance.\\\\\\"

Exactly how many people? What were they watching? Were they standing, sitting, or floating through the air? Were they forced to watch this activity (which you have yet to describe)?

\\\\\\"Around the thrown are... On the Thrown is the Father of all mankind.\\\\\\"

Again, the thrown what?

\\\\\\"To the left is the accuser of of mankind Satan.\\\\\\"

To the left of what? And when did Satan accuse anyone of anything? It\\\\\\\'s your god who enjoys making knowingly false accusations about people, and torturing and killing them for acts they didn\\\\\\\'t commit.

\\\\\\"The first to go on trial is the athiest, who was then accused by satan of foolishness.\\\\\\"

I doubt that this would occur. If Satan really existed, wouldn\\\\\\\'t he like atheists? After all, we don\\\\\\\'t believe in his supposed enemy - your god. And since when was \\"foolishness\\" a crime?

\\\\\\"Then the educated kid was accused of having a false god, intellect.\\\\\\"

Accused by whom? How was it determined that his/her god was a false one? Since when was it illegal to \\"have a false god?\\"

\\\\\\"He was found guilty on the spot.\\\\\\"

Convicted of what? So, your god doesn\\\\\\\'t believe in judicial independence, then? For some reason I\\\\\\\'m not surprised...

\\\\\\"Then the biker was on trial, satan then started to accuse him.\\\\\\"

For what was he on trial? Of what was Satan accusing him?

\\\\\\"Then Jesus said \\\\\\"hold on now satan from my records his case has been setteled already\\\\\\"

What records? Did money change hands? This sounds like a show \\"trial\\" from some tin-pot dictatorship in the 1960s.

\\\\\\"his name is writen in the Lambs book and he actually as a reward coming. As a matter of fact his bill is paid in full. I have found no fault on him. The Judge then rules from the bench. You shall live and not die.\\"

Matlock grinned and bear-hugged the defendant. The prosecutor turned pale, then stormed out of the courtroom, vowing to appeal!

old comment by

So an atheist, a over educated unemployed kid and biker all died.

All three wake up in heaven in a very long line.
The Atheist asks: What is this?
The apparently Christian biker replies: This is heaven, we will get a trial before the Throne of God. Man am I glad I choose to become a Christian after all my sins.
The Over-educated kid asks: They try us all seperately?
Biker: Yeah, why?
Kid: 1,8 people die every second. Even a streamlined trial would take at least half a minute. We'll be waiting here for thousands of years.
Atheist: What is that place, with the good music, food and alcohol?
Biker: Hell.
Atheist: I'm going there.
A few thousand year later the Biker joins the Kid and Atheist in hell, after finding out he choose the wrong sect.

Still not funny but at least slightly more in line with reality.

the light exposes the darkenns #fundie answers.yahoo.com

117 comments

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