Minutes ago I spoke with friend Dr. Norman G. Marvin, M.D. and he is so concerned at what he has learned about Barack Obama's family in Kenya that he is calling a special prayer meeting in his home to pray against the witchcraft curses attempted by them against John McCain and Sarah Palin.
IF YOU KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, PLEASE PRAY TODAY AND CONTINUALLY THAT ALL SUCH CURSES BE BROKEN AND SATAN'S PLAN FOR AMERICA BE DEFEATED, IN JESUS' NAME. PRAY AND COVER MCCAIN AND PALIN WITH THE BLOOD OF CHRIST. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, IT IS TIME YOU LEARN!!!
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Jesus Klingon wrote:
"I just placed a witchcraft curse on Norman Marvin. Ha ha." Who?
For some strange reason, I don't think Palin would be appreciative of getting blood all over her bajillion-dollar outfit.
Which makes this plan awesome. Where do I get some of this Jesus blood?
"Minutes ago I spoke with friend Dr. Norman G. Marvin, M.D. and he is so concerned at what he has learned about Barack Obama's family in Kenya that he is calling a special prayer meeting in his home to pray against the witchcraft curses attempted by them against John McCain and Sarah Palin."
I hope Doc Marvin only treats fundies. If not he soon will be when news of this spreads.
"IF YOU KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, PLEASE PRAY TODAY AND CONTINUALLY THAT ALL SUCH CURSES BE BROKEN AND SATAN'S PLAN FOR AMERICA BE DEFEATED, IN JESUS' NAME."
I'm well versed in spiritual warfare. Why, just last night I sent my imaginary spirit platoon over to kick the ass of some New Age twit's spirit guide.
"PRAY AND COVER MCCAIN AND PALIN WITH THE BLOOD OF CHRIST."
You people really have no clue how bizarre that sounds, do you?
"IF YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, IT IS TIME YOU LEARN!!!"
I'll ask Sun Tzu to stop by and give you some instructions.
PRAY AND COVER MCCAIN AND PALIN WITH THE BLOOD OF CHRIST.
Hey, why not? It worked so very well in Stephen King's Carrie .
Obviously you don't understand that we Witches don't waste our time and energy on your silly little schemes to change politics with prayer. It's not gonna happen - politics change if WE change them, by voting and by showing politicians our opinions on things. You know, complex communication of thoughts and ideas. That thing that evolved over millions of years that gave us an edge over apes.
That's right. Evolution. I went there.
But if you send your god after me, I guess I'll say hi, get jiggy with him, and tell him to tell you to calm the f**k down for me, because you're a little crazy.
Jesus: I gave you blood, blood, gallons of the stuff,
McCain and Palin are god's chosen politicians. But he can't stop curses from being placed upon them. So what does he need? His insane followers to play 'spiritual warfare' to defeat the evil demons and save the day. Is it just me, or does this seem like some sort of christian version of a good anime, or even the Power Rangers?
okay, tell me where that Jesus guy lives and i'll take care of the blood. Oh, you can't give me a clear answer? How bad, then I can not help you!
@DarkfireTaimatsu:
"Maybe I'll come visit you at the convent or library some day..." :D
Am I supposed to know Norman G. Marvin? What is he a doctor of? Witchcraft? Does MD stand for Mighty Demonbuster?
Anyway, if he has information about the Obama family in Kenya, I don't see what it has to do with the election in America. Religion is not part of America's constitution, so it's utterly irrelevant if Obama is an animist, a Hindu, a Christian or a Jew. Hell, he could even be Catholic. So what?! I has no bearing on his eligibility. And only a redneck fool would think it had, or be taken in by such scaremongering.
I smell a case of Lying for Jesus here.
Ok, that's it. I'm calling in a spiritual airstrike.
Although I really can't see how much help dropping a plane load of napalm onto McCain is going to be.
IF YOU KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, PLEASE PRAY TODAY AND CONTINUALLY THAT ALL SUCH CURSES BE BROKEN AND SATAN'S PLAN FOR AMERICA BE DEFEATED....
And if you don't know how to "do" Spiritual Warfare, go enroll at Hogwarts and take some Defense Against The Dark Arts classes. That's what Pentecostals really mean by "Spiritual Warfare."
Am I the only person here terrified that there are people living in 21st Century America who believe that black magic and sorcery actually work ? That these people would joyfully bring back the Burning Times?
Oh, and the "cover someone with Christ's blood" bit is another Pentecostal notion. Supposedly, when you pray for someone, you must mentally visualize that person being covered in blood. It grants them some measure of protection, I believe.
The fact that you believe curse exist and can come from anything other than your god is telling of how WEAK you think your god is. Honestly, your words say; "God cant stop this alone, we all need to talk to him and ask him to stop these magical things from happening!"
Honestly..get a life. "Spiritual Warfare"? Your religion sounds kooky and violent as shit.
MAKING MY REQUEST IN CAPS LOCK MAKES IT MORE LIKELY TO BE OBEYED!!!
No wait, it just pisses people off. Way to go, Jim.
@ Damien
Heresy! Khrone never looked so wimpy, hell that is not even khrone!
You shall be drowned under the wave of thousand rabid squirrels!
"and he is so concerned at what he has learned about Barack Obama's family in Kenya that he is calling a special prayer meeting in his home to pray against the witchcraft curses attempted by them against John McCain and Sarah Palin."
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Concocting curses is quite an art...:
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So better watch out, o Donald Fart!
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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