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Quote# 50935

[Excerpts from a fundy tract titled "Your First Six Days in Hell."]

As you move farther, faint sounds of moaning and wailing become detectable. They seem to be coming through the darkness from every direction. You become aware of a faint light. It flickers like a flame, yet thick clouds of black smoke dance all around it, keeping the flame from casting off any real hope of light. Suddenly you find yourself obsessed to know what day and hour it is. Already it feels like you've been here for an eternity...and it's only Day 1.
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The heat. It's right at the edge of unbearable. Hot, searing, intolerable heat. You crave water. You'd give anything for a drink, and you try unsuccessfully to push that desire out of your mind. The air is thick, choking, miserable...and it's just Day 2.
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At least you think it's day 3. It seems as if it has already been forever. You've not been able to sleep....You wonder when this nightmare will end. You wonder why somebody can't make it stop...and it's only Day 3.
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Looking back, you think how foolish you were to reject God's offer of salvation. You wish you could choose again. You find yourself hoping that your loved ones will choose differently, even though you realize such a choice means you'll never see them again...never touch them...never speak to them. What a horrible realization...and it's only Day 4.

American Tract Society, American Tract Society 39 Comments [10/31/2008 2:36:59 PM]
Fundie Index: 6
WTF?! || meh
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aaa

So, it's like a huge 19th century foundry?

10/31/2008 9:11:02 PM

GigaGuess

But God loves you. That's why he won't let your loved ones see you suffer.

10/31/2008 9:14:43 PM

Grigadil

Day 1: Rigor mortis.
Day 2: Start to swell.
Day 3: Start to stink.
Et cetera.

The former tenant doesn't feel a thing.

10/31/2008 9:20:15 PM

Agnostic Antagonist

SPOILER!!!!!:

None of this happens.

10/31/2008 9:33:10 PM

Slayer

I am amazed how someone can write such things and still worship the God that they believe does all of this. It would be like writing a book about how terrible the Holocaust was, and at the same time being an active nazi supporter.

10/31/2008 9:36:59 PM

Clown

Sorry, but Dante's hell is so much elaborate, not to mention better written. Am I supposed to be scared of this... description of one of my college classes (except No. 4, of course)? Just replace "day" with "45 minutes" and "HELL" with "3,5 hours bussines finances lecture" and you'll get the idea :).

10/31/2008 9:37:11 PM

UberLutheran

And to think that only one sect of one religion on one planet in one solar system in one galaxy in the entire universe has been chosen to go to Heaven, and this is what awaits everybody else!

And whomever wrote this actually believes that people would *want* to worship a God who was so vindictive and so spiteful that he would create one group of people in one religion, call them "the Elect" -- and damn everybody else to Hell for the "unforgiveable sin" of not being part of this one religion!

10/31/2008 9:45:32 PM

Ayn Rand

If parents treated their children like this in today's society, they would go to jail... yes, send God to jail.

10/31/2008 10:02:29 PM

GigaGuess

@UberLutheran

HOW that doesn't just scream "SCAM" at them is well beyond me.

10/31/2008 10:18:48 PM

Shadoboy

A God that does that to someone that didn't beleive in him doesn't deserve to be called a god.

Blood-thirsty egomaniacal son of a bitch sounds better.

11/1/2008 12:40:05 AM

G0d

Liar. It's not like that... I just tell thee to apologize to all the other people to who you were an ass during your life before you died. And it's only the soul that get's to other "dimension" you people call "Heaven" or "Hell" (it's the same "dimension"), nothing else.

11/4/2008 8:42:40 AM

a mind far far away

Day 5: You start to think that something is wrong with what you've been thinking. You think you've been in hell, but the smell of donuts and coffee makes you wonder. You realize you have't smelled these things before, this is something new. You start to crawl around, following the smell, hoping that Satan will offer you some.

Day 6: You've been crawling for what seems like an eternity, and by now you're trying to figure out why you haven't had the need to use the bathroom. You did have that Big Gulp right before you came here. While you're crawling, you realize there's something on you leg. It feels metallic, and you realize that there's a magenta glow coming from it, like an LED light. It's like one of those devices put on criminals so they won't break curfew when they're on house arrest.

Day 7: Is this jail? Like a really, really underfunded jail, or one from the Middle East? You don't know, you were drugged before you came here. The smell of coffee and donuts has disappeard, but now you smell pizza and soda. Ah, what you wouldn't give for a soda. But you think it's coming from the same place the coffee and donuts did. You want to pass out, but you're afraid you might get butt raped by a demon if you do, so you press on.

Day 8: The smell is powerful now, you're almost there. What will you find when you get there? Satan and his demons having a party? Why would they have a party, they are stuck here for eternity too. You start to see a light, like a crack in a door. You're almost there! As you push yourself with every ounce of strength you have, you begin to think that this might lead to even worse punishments. But you push foward anyway. You reach the door, open it up, WHAT'S THERE?! As you pull yourself up, and open the door......

Ed McMahon: "Congratulations! You've won a million dollars!"

Me: "What? Where am I? What's going on?"

Tom Bergeron: "You're the winner! This is a game show we created called "Six Days in Hell". It took you a little longer, which means we have some bugs to work out, but you've did it! You've won a million dollars!"

Me: "A GAME SHOW?! I nearly died for a game show?! I've been scared shitless for your entertainment?!"

Ed: "Well, yeah, we thought it was a good idea."

Me: "Was I the only one, or were there others?"

Tom: "Well, since you've won, we have to send crews in to search for the others."

Me: "So some people could be dead?!"

Ed: "Hm..well, I...suppose so."

Me: "YOU DUMB FUCKS!"

You grab the nearest, heaviest object you can find, and bash in the skulls of Ed McMahon and Tom Bergeron. You then eat some pizza and drink some soda, take the million dollars, and leave.

Now THAT'S a good story.

11/4/2008 8:59:53 AM

Clown

Amffa: it is a good story :) you could sell it to Hollywood...

11/4/2008 9:25:30 AM

Nathan Poe

Day 5:

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.

There is a mailbox here.

6/14/2010 4:02:13 PM

Reyno

Dante's Inferno pwns this bullshit

6/14/2010 4:16:41 PM

Your Future Self

Day Six: Dr. Who tells you to go to your happy place and informs you that you're standing on a giant tongue.

Day Seven: You help the Queen free the Star Whale and you and the Doctor go back to the Tardis feeling warm and fuzzy.

Day Eight: LAMPREY VAMPIRES!!!

6/14/2010 4:20:30 PM

Angua

Day 4: You wake up in the hospital and realize that taking that much LSD wasn't such a good idea after all.

6/14/2010 6:49:45 PM

Lilith

Either God is a vengeful God or a loving God. You can't have it both ways.

6/14/2010 7:42:46 PM

louislois

I'm curious how they know this is what Hell is like...

Do they have a first hand account?






Didn't think so.

6/14/2010 11:33:32 PM

The Duelist

... And then you wake up in the hotel married to a 500 pound Jabba the Hutt impersonator and swear never to take smack or acid again... after you hire a divorce lawyer, that is.

8/27/2010 4:16:20 PM

Worlder

Year 0: The day the damned human souls kicked the fallen angels out of Hell.

8/27/2010 5:07:37 PM

Justanotheratheist

If they ever make a movie of this piece of pulp fiction remind me not to watch it.

8/28/2010 12:20:40 AM

beehummingbird

Am I the only one who heard the Big Brother voice in my head when I read this?

(geordie accent) "Its Day Eight in hell and God is still upset with the heathens"

8/28/2010 8:46:53 AM

beehummingbird


8/28/2010 8:50:56 AM

Toothygrin

Nathan Poe wins the thread!!!

Zork ftw!

12/21/2010 2:18:52 PM
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