Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 50985

*IDOLATERS (those who love self, anyone, or anything more than their God) are headed for the lake of fire

*THOSE WHO TAKE GOD'S NAME IN VAIN and THOSE WHO CURSE THEIR NEIGHBORS will be cursed by God

*THOSE WHO DISHONOR THEIR PARENTS will be damned forever

*THOSE WHO INDULGE IN PREMARITAL SEX or EXTRAMARITAL SEX will suffer the eternal torments of fire and brimstone

*HOMOSEXUALS will bear the fierce vengeance of their HOLY CREATOR on the Day of Woe and Doom

*FILTHY PORN-ADDICTS will suffer everlasting punishments

*DRUNKARDS will sup the cup of the wrath of Almighty God

*THOSE WHO MURDER (esp. PRO-CHOICERS who murder innocent babies) will experience the terrible second death

*WITCHES AND SORCERERS will bow to Jesus and confess He is Lord before being bound hand and foot and cast into hell

*LIARS will be condemned by their own words

*THIEVES will pay for their crimes in the courtroom of eternal justice

*THOSE WHO DO NOT SUBMIT TO JESUS will be judged "Guilty" by Him on JUDGMENT DAY, and be cast into eternal hellfire

Dr. Patrick Johnston, Right Remedy 99 Comments [11/1/2008 2:43:46 PM]
Fundie Index: 12
Submitted By: spoonorca
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
D Laurier

When your god hates the same people you do, He's probably a god you made up.

11/1/2008 2:49:15 PM

Zabimaru

Nice. No, really.

Sometimes I have to wonder about the mental health of people who spend so much of the time contemplating brutal torture of the people they don't like...

11/1/2008 2:50:10 PM



Turns out Caps Lock is not always cruise control for cool.


"THOSE WHO CURSE THEIR NEIGHBORS"

Ironyyyyy.

11/1/2008 2:54:59 PM

C_V


all I could do was laugh at this. "Doctor" Johnston and his big boogeyman in the sky.

11/1/2008 2:55:34 PM

Xotan

Is that you, Dr. Shipman? Harold?

Looking at this person's site it seems America is well on the road to theocracy. He's another Ayatollah!

11/1/2008 2:57:01 PM

Mortok

IDOLATERS (those who love self, anyone, or anything more than their God) are headed for the lake of fire.

Does masturbating count as loving yourself? Cause if so, that's a BIG check.

THOSE WHO TAKE GOD'S NAME IN VAIN...

Check

HOMOSEXUALS...

Not yet, but I plan on ticking this one off as soon as possible. Ditto with the pre-marital.

FILTHY PORN-ADDICTS...

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you define all porn watchers as 'addicts', so check again.

LIARS...

Well...yeah...but only to parents and teachers.

THOSE WHO DO NOT SUBMIT TO JESUS...

Now, when you say 'submit'...

11/1/2008 2:57:10 PM

Rat of Steel

*yawn*

Your idle threats do not amuse me, Doctor.

If you're so determined to keep blowing hot air, at least put it to some good use by renting out your services to people who own and operate hot-air balloons and such.

EDIT:

(Mortok)
"Now, when you say 'submit'..."


I've already got it on my own personal check-list to get myself a live-in subbie. Must you keep tempting me like this?

11/1/2008 2:57:25 PM

Bunny Boy

I applaud your ability to say “god will send you to hell” in a variety of creative ways (I also worry about the mentality of someone who does such).

My favorite is “will sup the cup of the wrath of Almighty God” XD

11/1/2008 3:04:49 PM

freako104

For a loving god, yours seems full of hate.

11/1/2008 3:07:24 PM

aaa

Batshit crazy.

11/1/2008 3:08:33 PM

cui bono

Those who are ignorant in spite of having the opportunities of education shall face their ignorance and Oh shall they cry out unto their god for their wasted & bitter lives , and they will go into the darkness and rage, rage against the dying of the light.

11/1/2008 3:15:10 PM

werewolf

It's going to be a lonely eternity in heaven for you, Patrick.

11/1/2008 3:15:12 PM

Illuminatalie

(kicking sand) Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

11/1/2008 3:22:28 PM



THOSE WHO CURSE THEIR NEIGHBORS will be cursed by God

lul irony

11/1/2008 3:27:40 PM

Amanda

Wow. God sounds like a jerk.

11/1/2008 3:28:09 PM

Brainy

So soft-core porn doesn't count then? Good to know.

11/1/2008 3:32:22 PM

Little Miss

Have fun with that. I'll be taking a rain check.

11/1/2008 3:41:42 PM

Lupine

So, everyone then?

11/1/2008 3:45:17 PM

Papabear

"*HOMOSEXUALS will bear the fierce vengeance of their HOLY CREATOR on the Day of Woe and Doom"

Homosexuals were created by God. Ironic.


"*FILTHY PORN-ADDICTS will suffer everlasting punishments."

Fortunately I shower daily.

11/1/2008 3:46:16 PM

Khaine

FILTHY PORN-ADDICTS will suffer everlasting punishments
Since I wash before and after does that mean I'm in the clear?
THOSE WHO INDULGE IN PREMARITAL SEX...
Never been married, don't plan on getting married. Therefore none of my sex is premarital.
THOSE WHO TAKE GOD'S NAME IN VAIN...
To the best of knowledge I've never sworn by the names "Yaweh", "Jehovah", or, "I AM". Again, I'm in the clear.


11/1/2008 3:55:39 PM

zazugrey

Wow, your god's kind of a dick, isn't he?

11/1/2008 3:56:14 PM

Beeblebrox

*IDOLATERS (those who love self, anyone, or anything more than their God) are headed for the lake of fire

Jehovah's going to have to take a number and get in line behind my wife and my son.

*THOSE WHO TAKE GOD'S NAME IN VAIN and THOSE WHO CURSE THEIR NEIGHBORS will be cursed by God

God-motherf***ing-damn!! My neighbor is such a raging a**hole---and so are you, Patty.

*THOSE WHO DISHONOR THEIR PARENTS will be damned forever

Does threatening to murder your mother during a psychotic break count as "dishonoring"?

*THOSE WHO INDULGE IN PREMARITAL SEX or EXTRAMARITAL SEX will suffer the eternal torments of fire and brimstone

This is the classic cry of anyone and everyone who isn't getting any.

*HOMOSEXUALS will bear the fierce vengeance of their HOLY CREATOR on the Day of Woe and Doom

What if you're just kind of bi, and you occasionally dig some tubesteak? Do you get to skip the eternal torment and just do a kind of "Hell timeshare"?

*FILTHY PORN-ADDICTS will suffer everlasting punishments

After I'm done here, I'm going to surf straight over to a hardcore granny-porn site and think about your wife while I spunk all over the throw rug under my desk seat.

*DRUNKARDS will sup the cup of the wrath of Almighty God

So...if you are an addict Jehovah will punish you for having an incurable disease? That seems fair...what about people with cancer or diabetes? You should try to peddle this one at an AA or an NA meeting and use a stopwatch to time exactly how long it takes for the members to pitch you out on your ass.

*THOSE WHO MURDER (esp. PRO-CHOICERS who murder innocent babies) will experience the terrible second death

Ha! This is coming from a group of people who rage about abortion but have no problem with judicial murder as defined by the current death penalty laws. I guess once kids get past a certain age they're off your love-list.

*WITCHES AND SORCERERS will bow to Jesus and confess He is Lord before being bound hand and foot and cast into hell

The more you talk about Him, the more Jehovah reminds me of a psychotic ex-girlfriend.

*LIARS will be condemned by their own words

I'll admit I bent the truth a bit during 25 years of a sales-focused career....but how else can you close a deal without some harmless bald-faced lying?

*THIEVES will pay for their crimes in the courtroom of eternal justice

Why not save some time and just cut off one of their hands?

*THOSE WHO DO NOT SUBMIT TO JESUS will be judged "Guilty" by Him on JUDGMENT DAY, and be cast into eternal hellfire

Translation: Anyone who doubts God's infinite love will suffer eternal torment.

Here's how you could have saved some bandwidth: "Anyone who believes differently than I do will burn forever!" That's really what your list boils down to. Good luck with that.








11/1/2008 3:56:32 PM

Menace to Sobriety

@ Papabear:

I was wondering that myself. I mean, is he asking bout the porn or the viewer? Enquiring minds must know!

11/1/2008 3:58:59 PM

Starscream

Ah, feel the love!

11/1/2008 4:02:50 PM

HoJuSimpson

I swear to god I thought that said Rapture Ready.

11/1/2008 4:04:09 PM
1 2 3 4