(in response to a question about a misogynistic male who the asker interacts with)
First, allow me to say I definitely share your concern. The situation you describe is disturbing, and I believe one question should be asked here in the first place: how wise is it really for a young lady to have a male friend? Please know I don't presume to say this is a black-and-white issue, or that I know the one and only definite answer. I'm just questioning something our culture marked as unquestionably obvious.
Neither am I saying that a young lady should never be friendly with a young man. When I see a male co-worker, I'll definitely stop by for a friendly conversation. But my own experience made me very cautious about being bosom friends with a young man. I know many would disagree with me, but I believe many such friendships are based on concealed attraction from at least one side, which can lead to an unhealthy situation.
38 comments
"Bosom friends" heh heh heh - she said bosom
I plead insanity.
Insanity?!
That's right, insanity. I'm just crazy about that stuff.
This type of thinking used to bug the hell out me even when I was a fundy. You can't have friends of the opposite sex because it de facto means you want to have sex with them. It is possible to have a friend of the opposite sex and NOT want to have sex with them. It's this line of thinking that also says that dating is wrong, so you should only marry someone who you know from your church. Christian 'theologian' Josh McDowell wrote a book to this effect "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". What a bunch of nut-fuckers.
"I believe many such friendships are based on concealed attraction from at least one side,"
I think for this reason females enjoy hanging out with gay guys. You could try that.
Now a number of my very close male friends have had or indeed currently have attractions towards me. It happens, the same that I have at least a couple of female friends I'm attracted to.
But it has never been a significant issue. Why? Because we are all adults and it's perfectly possible to be attracted to someone and not act on it.
Repeat, and still I must say, fuck you bitch. Not EVERY woman wants to jump the first guy she see's bones, only the repressed ones...like you.
It's really hard for me to regard this chick as totally fundie when she's always saying things like that it's not black-and-white and that she doesn't have all the answers. I wish the religious were more like that in general. And insulting her appearance--given that I don't think she looks atypical for an young, Orthodox Israeli--is low.
The part that should have been posted is the bit lower down about how his misogynist ramblings are obviously the fault of a culture that tells him women don't need men to survive. WTF?
Sounds like she had a run-in with a "Nice Guy" or somesuch misogynist, and thus regards all men as a potential threat. It's more common than you think. How many women here can attest to feeling nervous around a group of men or an individual? How many of you have clutched your keys in hand as you walked alone, hyperaware of anyone around you? How many of you have changed the way the way you walk, talk, look or dress so that you don't attract attention? How many of you have been harassed, then immediately felt ashamed of yourself, though it's hard to know why?
It's a result of living in a patriarchy, but instead of coming to the conclusion that he was an asshole and it's not her fault, she tries to go the other way and blames herself, avoiding contact with men when possible in case she inspires him to something, whatever that something may be. It probably doesn't derive from her thinking she's the hottest thing on two legs, but probably from her blaming herself for a bad experience. Low opinion of herself and a low opinion of men, all likely caused by a sexist environment. It's sad, not really fundie.
"I know many would disagree with me, but I believe many such friendships are based on concealed attraction from at least one side"
You know, she may have a point. Not that there is a problem with having such a relationship though.
this one's a doormat, forcing her husband to make all the decisions, and do all the providing.
If she's content to have sex even if she doesn't want to, and be beaten if she annoys him, then she's being paid for it, but I reacon she;d scream if it happened....
Yeah, well, if you are attracted to every guy/girl you meet....interesting.
And yeah, like George Carlin once said, "All the people against abortion are ones you'd never want to fuck in the first place." Switch some terms around and you may apply that to that blogger. *snicker*
Yea baby, I'm all for "unhealthy situations".
Anna T., what are you wearing?
You do realise, that "being friendly" and "being attracted to" aren't synonyms, right? Besides, what are you afraid of then, if someone has "a concealed attraction" for you, what's the biggie? I have a feeling, that you're afraid of yourself being attracted to some of your friends.
Or maybe you just are afraid people in general. Whatever the reason, what unhealthy could come up? Something like this?:
Co-worker: you'd like to have lunch with me and get to know me better, 'cause i think you're nice and good-looking?
You: Umm, no thanks.
Co-worker: ok, just asking.
...I think your social skills are somewhat of an issue to be improved. Not everybody are closet rapists, you know?
Shouldn't you dissuade her from being with misogynistic men?
There are degrees of attraction. If you can't stop thinking about a person, and really, really want to do her, maybe you should not be friends.
"Please know I don't presume to say this is a black-and-white issue, or that I know the one and only definite answer."
What kind of fundamentalist talks like that?
Meh'd
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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