A atheist is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's a monster that lives there and he'll eat you for lunch!"
The atheist condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that there are no such things as monsters, and then he enters the woods and promptly gets eaten by a bear.
Moral
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Take heed of what? No one warned him about any bear. What is the point of this story? If whacked-out fundies are worried that a demonic invasion is imminent, that means an economic downturn is on the way? Don't worry, we're on it.
The atheist already knew there were bears in the woods, and that he was taking a small risk (c'mon, bear attack? doesn't happen all that often) by going in, but he had a job to do.
Also: Do you ever cross the street? It's full of monsters that will run into you really really fast, splattering your guts all over the road and killing you. Better stay in your house and starve to death.
Actually, my first concern would be why a six year old was wandering around a forest on his own. Then, I'd try to calm him down and ask him to describe this "monster." After ascertaining that the boy was describing a bear, I would immediately leave the area, and take the boy to the nearest police station so they could trace his parents.
Well, if we know there are no monsters, what the fuck is there to take heed of?
Please forgive the horrible grammar, for this has been a Robbierant.
A atheist is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a fundamentalist who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's sin going on in there and God'll throw you in a lake of fire!"
The atheist condescendingly pats the fundie's head and smugly explains that there are no such thing as God, and then he enters the woods and forgets the incident.
The delta is rising, a flood.
A bald atheist is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who say "Go up, you baldie; go up, you baldie!"
The atheist condescendingly pats the boy's head and then he enters the woods and the six-year-old promptly gets eaten by a bear. (2 Kings 2:23)
This is insanely stupid. One's personal beliefs have nothing to do with ignoring the child or not. Some people would humor him and ask what kind of monster he was talking about, ask for a description, etc., and as a result determine that he was calling an actual animal a monster (which a 6 old shouldn't be doing to begin with). Others, meanwhile, would have no patience and just think he was making up a story. Christians are just as likely to fall into the latter personality type as anyone else.
Wouldn't any rational person ask the child to clarify what it meant by "monster"?
Oh wait, I'm assuming that fundies make rational analogies.
It's Sunday and a fundie is about to go to church. Just as he is about to leave, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go to church on account of there's a there's a wizard who will kill you with his magical exploding stick!"
The fundie condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that wizards are of the devil and have no real power, and then he enters the church and promptly gets shot by a psychotic with a gun.
Moral
That is what the atheist gets for hiking near where bears live.
Always stay on the path, and bring bear mace.
A fundie is about to enter a forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Then he realises everything worth knowing is already written in the bible. So he goes back home, makes shit up, adds some bible quotes and calls it science. Then he gets mocked on FSTDT.
A fundie writes a story on the internet. It goes like this.
A atheist is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's a monster that lives there and he'll eat you for lunch!"
The atheist condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that there are no such things as monsters, and then he enters the woods and promptly gets eaten by a bear.
An atheist is about to enter a building. He is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into that building on account of there's a magic man who will do bad things to you"
The atheist condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that there are no magic men. He then enters the Catholic church.
While there he steals a communion wafer.
The boy must be a christian if he thinks bears are monsters..so the atheist is not at fault for rightfully ignoring the nut case ignoramus.
Besides, the atheist was set up..
Ok, Whatnot has no clue about bear behavior. A bear doesn't attack humans unless it either because of territorial or being threatened. Otherwise, the bear would run away at the sight of the scientist. Also, the bear would only eat the human if he was really, really hungry.
As someone who spends a lot of time in "Bear Territory" (and I'm talking the giant northern west coast grizzlies) I can officially say you're full of shit.
Bears don't just pop out of the woods and eat people. Even people who have been attacked can tell you that something happened. Usually it's accidentally getting between a mother and her cubs.
Here's one... A Christian was walking down his street when suddenly an anvil fell on him, then a car fell on him, then a bus fell on him, then a propane tank fell on him, then an ocean going yacht fell on him, then a fucking meteroite fell on him.
This story has no moral, but I sort of understand why fundies like their retribution stories so much.
A Christian is about to enter the forest to admire the Creator's work. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's a monster that lives there and he'll eat you for lunch!"
The Christian condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that God will protect him, and then he enters the woods and promptly gets eaten by a bear.
Moral
A godbot is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's a monster that lives there and he'll eat you for lunch!"
The godbot condescendingly pats the boy's head and explains that while he believes the child, god will protect him, and then he enters the woods and promptly gets eaten by a bear.
Moral
I think the story has a couple of good morals..
There may be atheists dumb enough to venture into bear country alone and unarmed - but so what? That has jackshit to do with atheism.
Atheist is not synonymous with stupid. Anyway, that's a stupid story which proves nothing. Aesop, you're not.
And, BTW, a bear may be dangerous and all those things, but it's not a "monster" in the usually accepted meaning of the word. It's just a wild animal.
And the moral of the story is: go to church, or bears will fuckin' kill you.
I think your fairytale anecdote is retarded bullshit, but at least my version is cooler bullshit.
Because six year olds are such a reliable source of information and should always be believed without reservation, right Whatnot?
And bears don't maul and eat people for no reason, they usually only attack people when they feel threatened or if a mother thinks you're threatening her cubs.
An atheist is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's a monster that lives there and he'll eat you for lunch!"
The atheist condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that there are no such things as monsters. Then he enters the woods and conducts his scientific study of great importance. After that he goes home and lives happily ever after.
FIXED.
"On account of there's a monster"??? What 6 year old talks like that?
I think Whatnot made this story up. And besides it is completely stupid. Basically the "moral" is that atheists are smart enough to know that there are no monsters but dumb enough to not be afraid of them anyway. Pretty typical fundie thinking.
"A atheist is about to enter the forest to conduct a scientific study of great importance. Just as he begins his hike, he is met by a six-year-old boy who frantically warns, "Mister! Don't go into those woods on account of there's a monster that lives there and he'll eat you for lunch!"
The atheist condescendingly pats the boy's head and smugly explains that there are no such things as monsters, and then he enters the woods and promptly gets eaten by a bear.
Moral
(*Pats Whatnot on head *)
Yes, that's right dear. Now you go back to your illustrated edition of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" book, and your "Observer's Book of Animals"; as well as your "The Times World Atlas" (then you'll learn that the largest carnivore that exists in the UK is the Red Fox). Also your "Oxford Children's English Dictionary" (Pop-Up Edition), and look up - thus learn the meaning of - the words/term 'Bad Analogy' dear, the adults are talking.
Had the boy been raised by people smart enough to teach him what a "bear" was, so that he would know to use the word "bear", and not some vague nonsensery like "monster", problem solved.
|The atheist, as always, was completely correct; there are no monsters. Just hungry bears and angry Jesus-freaks. Sometimes within the same family, you Jesus-loving bear-fuckers.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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